There's some things in life that I can't understand
Like people who mumble, or meat that is canned
But one thing I think that is way out of hand
Are people called "guidos" who live in this land.

One night I had tea, and a chocolate biscotti
Walked by the TV, en route to the potty
When I saw this wretched show "Growing Up Gotti"
Just WHO looks at them and thinks "He is a hottie!"

They have those same haircuts, which look so darn strange
They gel up their hands, and each spike they arrange
They wear their new shirts from Armani Exchange
(Cost 500 bucks, or somewhere in that range)

Their tanning has made them the color of night
Their weightlifting makes sure their asses are tight
They love to be morons but think they are right
And if you're not careful, they'll start up a fight

They walk in the clubs, still looking quite goofy
They're armed with a condom, some cash and a roofie
Their shirts are off now and they'll make a big scene
In the hopes they'll be in Steppin' Out magazine

And yet some girls love this, they think that it's great
And sadly some day these guys and girls will mate
So then they'll have offspring that I'll also hate
To this guido life, I will never relate

So guidos, please hear me, to life there is more
Then dry humping girls who are on the dance floor
And if you cannot because that's how you score,
Please go somewhere else. Don't ruin the shore.

Think you can write a funnier poem than this one? Post it as an article and send the link to
Check out past poems here.