These days, everyone has a blog (or "weblog" for short) Over the years, several unmistakable types have emerged:
“The Comfy Cozy Blog”
Sample: “Hey guys, welcome to my little home on the Internet, that’s the ‘net for those of you in the know, hehehe. Pull up a chair and I’ll start some tea for you. This is my life. Stop by often, I’ve always got kooky stories, random ramblings and lots of hugs to share!”
Pros: This blog is like an awesome acid flashback to the days of MIDI files and animated GIF domination. You can revisit your own awkward web moments because it’s probably hosted on Geocities. Oh, and you may want to take down that "New" icon next to your picture section. Those scanned photos of you from eighth grade are anything but "fresh." Cool sunglasses though!
Cons: You will have to read about babies, scrapbooking, cats and cats who make scrapbooks about babies.
“Bitter Music Obsession Blog”
Sample: “Did you guys know that Bushwalla’s cover of Hotel Yorba was actually going to be featured on the same album as Cat Power’s I want to Be the Boy White Stripes cover? That’s so ridiculous they might as well have put it on the same album as The Raconteur’s It Ain’t Easy. Yeah, you like that? What about maybe just throwing the whole thing to shit and sticking it on with 5 on the 5 or the White Stripes Moonage Daydream Bowie cover? Idiots. F*ck PitchFork.”
Pros: You feel like you can finally talk to that indie chick that works for the Lit Mag.
Cons: She hasn’t heard of any of this sh*t either.
“I’m Part of An Obscure Sketch-Comedy Troupe Blog”
Sample: “Whew! Spicy Mustard has had a crazy couple of weeks! We performed at Mudplug Swamp and sold out of our famous “I Went Lipstick Lesbian and All I Got Was This Cunthair In My Teeth” t-shirts! Clyve and I totally have to come up with some new stuff. Tomorrow night we’re at Kangaroo Tale’s Basement Room. Come on, everybody! Tickets are free! Franklin will do his “Fat Lady Humping a Pizza Oven” routine if you guys show up!”
Pros: Free stuff for those desperate enough to join the mailing list.
Cons: Spicy Mustard sounds more like a tragedy than anything else.
“Techie Geek Blog”
Sample: “So I was at the Best of the Web convention the other day, when I noticed someone was actually uploading a trackback blogroll with an RSS feed. Not RSS 2.0, mind you, RSS! I shit you not! Now, I haven’t seen this kind of ignorance since I tried to do Open Source without reverting my HTTP Proxy to 127.0.0.1. Seriously. Speaking of which, has anybody had any luck running Squid from the RunCache script? It’s giving me assert() mySql failures again. A little help?”
Pros: It’s hip and one of the most popular blogging subjects. Someone’s always up to date.
Cons: It’ll make you a huge asshole in your Linux group. Plus, they never talk about WoW enough.
“I Have a Vagina and I Use It a Lot” Blog
Sample: “As I left Mr. Pickles’ house this morning, I had a lot on my mind. First and foremost was the sex. It was fucking incredible. Mind-blowing. Dick-blowing. Well, I guess I was dick-blowing. I went to Pete’s, my favorite breakfast place, and just thought the whole thing over. This thing with Mr. Pickles has been insane. He’s amazing in bed. I cannot sit down the next day because my nasty vag loves the pain so much. But what about Mr. F? Mr. F and I had such a great time two nights ago at Robo Lounge. They’re both enormously well-endowed. What do you think, ladies?”
Pros: A fix for the Sex and the City set!
Cons: A fix for the Sex and the City set!