FROM: The Ohio State University Athletic Department
TO: The University of Florida Athletic Department

To Whom It May Concern:

First and foremost, congratulations on your second national title this year. It was a tough game, but you pulled through. Two consecutive basketball titles, huh? You guys must be good. And a football title, to boot! Outstanding. Well, we had a shot at the football and basketball title, too, you know. Of course you know, we played against you both times! Isn't that just silly? Two championships in two sports in one year, can you believe that?

Well, I have one grievance, so here goes: You guys already had the basketball title last year, so, um… Well, why couldn't you guys just lose that one game? I mean, you're hogging the trophy, give someone else a turn. You're being rude about this whole thing. Seriously, guys, you aren't even giving anyone else a shot! I don't even think your mascot is fitting anymore, "Gators" just doesn't seem to explain you well enough. I took the liberty of sketching you guys a new mascot and logo:


There you go, the Florida Dream-Crushers. Thats what you are, I think it is very descriptive and not at all misleading. Notice that your mascot is my step-father in a lumberjack outfit. I chose my step-father because, not unlike yourselves, he was always in the way of my hopes and dreams. You may ask why he is dressed as a lumberjack. Simple, because there is nothing more evil in this world than a French-Canadian lumberjack. Your new mascot wields an ax with which he cuts down forests of hope. He also wears steel-toed Wolverine