Ethan: So here we are: no more college-level basketball for six months. Unless you count the Bucks, and that's only when their starters are in. What was the biggest revelation of the Final Four for you?
Amir: Florida is good at sports. Also, three point shooting is too important. I think its time they move that line back. They're not kids anymore!
Ethan: I've long been in favor of distributing extra-point shots around the court a la Rock and Jock, but David Stern quit answering my letters. At least your prediction that Ohio State would lose finally came true.
Amir: When I guaranteed they wouldn't make it to the Final Four, what I meant was that they wouldn't make it to the Final One.
Ethan: This Florida team is easily in the top two or three of the last twenty years, though. Who else is going to challenge them? Early '90's Duke and '96-'98 Kentucky. That's it. Ohio State did well for themselves, though; if only someone other than Oden had done anything in the title game, it would have been an exciting one.
Amir: I'm just shocked he can kick the backboard like that after a two handed dunk while showing no emotion whatsoever.
Ethan: People have been calling him "stoic," but I think "legally dead" may be the better term for it.
Amir: Oddly enough I was actually rooting for Ohio State in the finals just to see if Oden would crack a smile. He looked just as sad after the loss to Florida as he did after the win against Georgetown.
Ethan: Let's talk about how these tourney players will fare in the NBA. First up: Oden.
Amir: He'll be dominant in the NBA. Especially in a few years. If he's this huge now as a 19 year old, I can only imagine what he'll look like in 2012. Lifting up Dwight Howard and eating him, no doubt. At best, he'll be a taller Amare Staudamire. At worst he'll be a taller Damon Staudamire. Here's a tough one for you: Corey Brewer
Ethan: I like his game a lot. I don't think he'll be a star, but a guy on the wing who hustles, plays good D, and can get his own shot is an asset. Upside: He's an All-Star. Downside: He's a far saner Stephen Jackson.
Amir: I don't trust anybody who wears a t-shirt while playing basketball. That doesn't fly in the NBA.
Ethan: How about Joakim Noah?
Amir: Man this one is tough. If only Greg Oden had Noah's energy. I actually don't think he'll be very good. He's got the skill set of a center but the body of a Keon Clark. Imagine him trying to guard Tim Duncan? If I were him I'd stay at Florida my senior year, win another title, and spend both semesters eating steroids like Froot Loops. Out of a bowl. By the spoonful.
Ethan: I can actually see him being a taller, uglier Shane Battier. He's got the perfect game for college: hustle and energy, but his offense isn't all that polished, and he's not going to be able to rebound as well in the NBA. He's a good weak-side shot blocker, though, and plays good D, so he's always going to be a useful guy to have in the rotation, just probably not a star.
Amir: Moving on, Candace Parker?
Ethan: She's going to be a star in this league.
Amir: Agreed. So who's the best future NBA player in this tournament?
Ethan: Best NBA player will be Oden. It's tempting to say Durant, but I don't know if NBA coaches will know how to use him.
Amir: You don't "Use" players. You appreciate them. This is why you'll never win a fantasy basketball championship!
Ethan: Whenever a players skills are that unique, idiot pro coaches and GMs tend to overthink things and not use them to their full ability. Look at someone like Garnett; nobody's had any idea how to build around him. I'd call this theory Michael Vick Syndrome, but of course that's already slang for herpes.
Amir: Here's my weekly bold prediction: best NBA player will be Jeff Green. He's like Kevin Durant but with more strength. Here's an even bolder prediction: Second best NBA player will be Nick Fazekas.
Ethan: Did you even watch Green against Ohio State? Not only was he not scoring; it didn't even look like he was trying to score. I've seen Washington Generals be more aggressive trying to get their points in.
Amir: I've told you before, it's tough defending that four man weave! And how can you block a halfcourt hook shot???
Ethan: As for Fazekas, he's not athletic or strong, so what's he going to do in the NBA? He's comparable to Keith Van Horn, which should underscore how brilliant your pick is. Meanwhile, baseball's started, and the Cards are already in the tank.
Amir: Are they mathematically eliminated yet? What's their magic number?
Ethan: Their magic number is 159 right now, which is doable. I honestly don't see how they can win even their division this year. They have the best player in the game in Pujols, but the rest of the team is entirely unexciting. A Flying Molina batted fifth on Opening Night! They've got two great starters in Carpenter and Wainwright, and then guys like Braden Looper. Oh, and questions at closer. Don't start seeing if Tom Emanske will sell you the rights to the phrase "back-to-back-to-back champions" just yet. Any other baseball thoughts?
Amir: The Pirates are 2-0, which means that the worst they can end up is 2-160. Actually, that doesn't seem all that unreasonable.
Ethan: I believe Ronny Paulino would disagree. Masters this weekend: who you got?
Amir: Call me crazy: Jesper Parnivek.
Ethan: Hmmmm I'm going to go with a tradition unlike any other: picking Tiger to win the Masters because you don't know anything else about golf. Now, back to trying to figure out whether this Calcavecchia is a guy or a shape of pasta I've never tried.
Amir: Why can't it be both?
Ethan: Give us an interesting fact. And make it interesting!
Amir: Here's a fun one: Fattest Player in MLB History?
Ethan: Rich Garces holding Babe Ruth?
Amir: Walter Earnest Young Jr. He played for Oriols in 2005 and he was listed at 6'5" 322 pounds.
Ethan: Holy shit, that's like if Bobby Jenks swallowed David Eckstein.
Amir: Young also had a .378 OBP.
Ethan: Probably because someone put a cheeseburger on first base. Until next week, get ready for the NHL playoffs.
Amir: Win or skate home.