Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Two Drunk Sorority Sisters Talk About Killing Somebody Last Night
April 5, 2007
Oh my god, Kel, you were such a slut last night. I swear.
Shut up, d-bag, you were so slutty last night, you were being such the whore!
Okay, but can I just say, that when you took that baseball bat to Derek's skull, I
IT! I couldn't stop cracking up.
O-M-G I know! But you were standing on his hands with high heels when he tried to call 911! You're such the super slut.
His broken hands were so hard to walk on with my stiletto heel. I can still hear him scream.
Ugh, that was SO annoying. It's like, who wants to be with someone that whiny? Let me see your nails, you have skin under there, take my file.
Ew. Thanks, biatch. But you have to admit, he was being such a d-bag.
You know when you were shoving his eyes back into his brain while he yelled for mercy one last time? I had that Justin song in my head. "Sick of all these people crying about. What's the deal with this pop life and whens it gonna fade out."
Oh my god, we should go dancing tonight.
I don't know, i have such a headache from when he flailed his arms and hit me in the face. I also smoked way too may cigarettes after the party.
I know, jungle juice always messes me up the next day I don't think I'm going to tell Bobby about last night, it's hard enough being in a long distance relationship as it is. And he hates when I kill people, he'll just get all weird and jealous
Mike is the same way. Remember when I told him I just knocked that guy unconscious and he freaked out?
(playing with her teddy bear)
Ugh I hate boys.
Oh, I didn't even tell you. I had like three Cosmos at the bar with Chelsa.
Ew. What were you doing with queen cunt?
I was a total bitch. Even before I dragged that guy's lifeless body over two chairs and drove my knee through his arm bone. I was just being such a biatch to Chels. Ugh, I hate apologizing!
Its such a double standard, you know? Like I can't pull each one of ryans teeth out with my bare fingers and thread them into a hemp necklace without being called a crazy dyke, but then if a guy were to do it You know? It's just BS.
It's just so high school like that. I think I blacked out last night too, do you have any idea how I got this bitemark on my thigh!?
Oh my God, Les. I can barely remember it because I blacked out too, but I think that was from Derek when you were trying to shit in his toothless mouth.
(They are cracking up)
I cant believe you made out with me for free shots at the bar after! I
Whatever. That guy was such a g-wad.
Do you want salad? I really want a Chinese chicken salad.
I'm not eating meat this weekend, I chewed Derek's index finger to the bone for some reason and really lost my appetite. Besides, I'm so fat.
Shut up, you rexi slut.
I'm serious! Know what i do want? Fro-yo.
Yes. Sprinkles are like, the best thing ever right now.
Last night was so gay.
Special thanks to Jake Hurwitz. Slut.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.