So I noticed some misconceptions about America's Backyard while I was reading through comments on that Toronto Police thing where they ran a dude down with a car, and, since I'm an American who lived in Montreal for 2 years, I think I have exactly the right amount of misconception to reach a happy compromise, or, as I like to call it, the truth.

1: Weed is legal in Canada.

No, well, almost. Weed is inexpensive in Canada. There was a new conservative government under Steven Harper coming in when I left so they may have tightened up, but, basically, the odds of getting arrested for pipes, bongs, smoking joints, smoking blunts, etc etc., regardless of how bad you are at hiding/how blatantly you don't even bother to hide that you are smoking are next to 0. If you grow and/or sell, it's illegal, and they will go after you if they know. Still, even though being in New York my idea of weed prices might be a bit high, the 20-40 bucks an eighth I'd pay in Montreal seems pretty damn cheap, and, the cops really, really don't care as long as you're not blowing smoke in their face, and even if you are, there's a chance they won't care.

2: The Drinking age is…what?

It's 19 in most provinces, and 18 in Quebec. Well, okay it's probably closer to 12 in Quebec. But the official line is 18. No kegs though. You have to go to Ontario to get kegs, from The Beer Store. Liquor is only sold at the government stores in Quebec, and I think Beer is the same way in some provinces. It makes it kind of expensive, with all the tax, especially since our exchange rate went all to hell.


3: Prostitution is Legal

No it's not. You are an idiot.

4: There's a guy in a spiderman costume outside of Club Super Sexe (a strip club) who hawks for them by shouting "get jiggy, grab some titty"

Okay that's not a misconception, but I saw him once and that guy is awesome. This is the closest thing I can think of to thinking prostitution is legal there, I mean, you can touch at some of the strip clubs, and, like any stripper in the United States, there's a chance she is also a prostitute and will do dirty things for far, far too much money.

5: Everyone in Quebec/Canada is Bilingual

Almost everyone who speaks native French in Montreal probably speaks English. The people who speak English tend to be much more limited with their French, if they speak it all.


6: They speak French in Quebec

They speak Quebecois. It's like French, only while it's mom was pregnant with it, she drank a lot. Also her brother is the dad.

7: Canadian TV Sucks

Yeah, seriously. There's a few gems though. Trailer Park Boys was a damn good series. Also, softcore porn on basic cable on the french channels. Not worth watching for long, but its always nice to see titties when you're flipping channels at some ungodly hour of the morning.

8: Canadians Don't Play Beerpong

Oddly, this seemed to be true. It might be catching on, but my first year there all the Canadian kids thought we were nuts for playing this odd game. They learned very, very fast though.

9: Canadians say "Eh" and "aboot" all the time

The non-frenchy types do a bit, and you will start to too. People made fun of me for like three months when I got back because I picked up the accent from all the dirty Toronto types I hung around.


10: Quebec is part of Canada

This is true, except when it doesn't benefit Quebec. Quebec is the most awesome province because they have in the Canadian Constitution something called the "notwithstanding clause" which basically says they can ignore any federal law that they deem infringing on their culture. They have a party called the Bloc Quebecois, whose whole platform is "fuck you, Canada" who they elect to Parliament on a consistent basis. They have their own foreign ministry.

Awesome. I wish we had some local party to elect to Congress who would just be ornery about everything and act smug.

Anyway, that is the truth about Canada. If you have any further questions, uh…ask wikipedia or something.



Oh, I almost forgot. File Sharing = totally legal in Canada as long as you don't make money off it. Free music for everyone!