Dear Mr. or Mrs. Executive Director of MLA,
Hello, my name is Rob Coleman. I am writing to formally request a change in the character that has up until recently been called the asterisk. Instead of calling it this meaningless and arbitrary word, I feel that the term "clarifying star" would be much more apt and truly enlighten the people as to it's function. No longer will the question, "Hey, what does that star thingy mean?" be asked. And no longer will I have to respond, "It's called an asterisk idiot. And it clarifies shit". Seriously, I'm sick of that.
So that is why I come to you today. I really admire the work you guys do. Your book has really helped me out in some of my writing classes. It also cost me 60 bucks. That is pretty uncool seeing as I can just find most of the information on the internet. You should start charging less. Anyway, because of my great admiration for you and your company, it is my hope that you can help me in accomplishing this goal. You don't know what it would mean to me to see this happen. I mean, it is pretty much guaranteed that I will lead a pretty menial life on the grand scheme of things. I will probably work some crappy office job where I sit at my desk and think of stupid letters I can write to people who don't care about me. But you, you can change this. You are sitting pretty in your big leather chair, reading this e-mail, thinking nothing of it. But with a simple command, you could change my life forever. My unborn kids, who will undoubtedly hate me for being neglectful and abusive, will now adore me for changing the name of the asterisk. They will marvel at my shinning moment in life. They will be astonished that people called the clarification star such a dumb name for so long. All of this, by just changing the name of the asterisk. I hope that you sincerely consider my proposal as it will not only change my life forever, but the lives of others as well.*
*I hope that this is in proper MLA format. If not, I'm sorry I failed you.