• The fact that it’s the middle of April and it snowed today makes me want to drink.
  • I can’t attend a family function without being offered a PBR from all five of my uncles.
  • There are 6 bars within walking distance of my house and will always be no matter where in the city I move.
  • For some reason I can’t study for my Tuesday Calculus exam because my roommates think that the fact that it’s Monday is a good excuse to drink and play tragically loud music at 3 in the morning.
  • Anyone who shows up to a party with either A) Bud Light or B) Coors Light will either be punched in the nuts or made fun of the rest of the night because even though all mass produced beer is essentially the same, all serious drinkers will tell you that Miller is the only socially acceptable beer to buy in the city.
  • Summerfest is a two week long excuse to get drunk for two weeks straight. Oh and there’s music and junk.
  • Despite the fact that Miller Brewing Company is about 100 yards away from Miller Park, a beer still costs 7 bucks.
  • Thanks to the fact that everyone in Milwaukee is fat and gross, it doesn’t bother me that drinking ridiculous amounts of alcohol will one day make me fat and gross.
  • I’ve been on every brewery tour within 100 miles of here.
  • At the last martini party at the Milwaukee Art Museum, before they stopped having martini parties at the Milwaukee Art Museum, someone puked all over some art.
  • After watching Beerfest, my roommates shrugged their shoulders and said “I guess that was a lot of beer”.
  • The last 20 seasons of the Milwaukee Brewers.
  • Even though my life-long dream is to become an astronaut, I know that I will eventually wind up working for Miller simply because Miller employees get a free case of beer every month.