On the grid iron of high school gym class there is always that person that is a little too into the game. Diving for balls way out of play, screaming at teammates who failed to make a critical catch in dodge ball, or crying after losing a flag football game; they wore their pride on the sleeve of the tie-dyed t-shirt they never brought home to wash because of bad karma. The four years they spent Stealing the Bacon and dominating Knockout were the highlights of their life. For forty-five minutes a day they were the Gods of the land, laying down punishment from above as they spiked on the girl with her arms crossed during a volleyball game. Yes, the Gym-Class Hero will always be remembered; but after they graduate what becomes of these behemoths of the bad sportsmanship?
Some of these people move onto the collegiate level of annoying the pants off of everyone around them. After trying to register with the NCAA and being told Ultimate Frisbee is not endorsed by any college as an official team they find the holy grail of their existence in college: intramural sports. You see them out on the soccer fields wearing new cleats and sliding with their spikes up into the goalie for the Computer Science Team while another GCH is spearing their teammate in a flag football game because they “got into the game and just went blank.”
But to a Gym-Class Hero; style is half the battle, while talent is the other, bigger, half. It is a well-known fact in Hero circles that sleeves show weakness so one cannot be weighed down by three extra ounces of fabric covering up their scrawny, pale biceps. Occasionally, that excess sleeve will be used as a head covering if one has misplaced their bandana before game time. Even without the uniform, however, a GCH is never hard to spot; just look for the guy studying the playbook before an intramural game.
When not involved in the competitive world of collegial intramural sports the typical hero can be found at home hanging outside his old high school next to the guy who blasts his car stereo in the parking lot. After school he usually has a large group of kids around him telling war stories of his time in Coach Brunson’s 8 period class. He tells the tale of the Dodgeball Disaster of ’98, the Indoor Soccer Riot of ’01 and the famous Showdown Over Square Dancing from senior year. All great tales of valor; all giving high school kids a reason to study hard and not become this guy.
Sadly, after college many Gym-Class Heroes fade away and become normal members of society just like you or me. People you talk to everyday may had a shadowy past of giving it 110% when all you had to do was change to get an A. But there are the select few that never lose their spirit, never lose their drive, never lose the eye of the domesticated house cat and continue being a professional Gym-Class Hero, as a physical education teacher.