Ah, Saturday mornings. A time to wake up with a splitting headache the taste of cheap beer and cheaper women in your mouth and last night's conquest numbing your down arm, trapping you in bed. What a glorious day!
You smile to yourself, half-remembering buying her tequila shot after tequila shot, making out with her in line for the women's bathroom and stumbling back to your place just as the last call bell signaled your victory to all the other patrons. You remember making your way to your room, inconspicuously puking while she flopped down on your couch and told you how hot it was. It was just too easy getting her out of those clothes then, wasn't it?
You remember carrying her to your room, banging her head on the door and tossing her into bed, where she again, banged her head on, ironically enough, the headboard. When she said "ow, that shit hurts!" you knew it was game on. Sadly, the condom wasn't. You couldn't find one anywhere and while you ruminated about your roommate Andrew stealing them, it wasn't long before "just the tip" was "just five minutes" and "I'll pull out, I swear!"
That's when it hits you. You didn't pull out. Looking at the girl you realize that you might already be on your way to fatherhood. After sliding your numb arm out from under her, your options become clear.
2) Vacuum Cleaner
3) Plan B
The CVS a block away might seem like a Holy Grail quest but the rewards are greater than eternal life with a creepy knight. Not being a Dad. Nature's greatest gift to the young bachelor.
You stumble to the store thinking, "Fuck me, when did it get so bright out!" and "I should totally pick up some Advil and a sixer for tonight". Ignore the odd looks of the pharmacist. Get that Plan B and get back to your room before she wakes up, young man.
Upon doing so you realize you have options again.
1) Ovary Headbutt
2) Crush the Morning After Pill into her drink (like roofies)
3) Show her how forward thinking you are and conscious of her feelings when you wake her up, apologize for the mistake and show her the solution to fix the mistake that could be growing in her belly.
4) Slip it in again and give her the pill later.
Good choice. You might as well make the same mistake twice. She can't get preggers twice, and it only takes one pill to kill two mistakes. Now slip the Morning After Pill in her drink, give her that friendly pat on the ass goodbye and smile to yourself. Home free amigo. Well played.
And it's all thanks to; The Morning After: Pill