1 Be Confident: Girls dig a guy that knows what he wants, how he wants it, and he doesn't have the time to wait around to get it. So go in there with some confidence and tell her that you want to be with her and you won't accept no for an answer. Stories always help, and if you don’t have any interesting ones make something up. Sure you're out of shape, have braces and a pulsing boil on your neck but you were Ed Norton's stunt double in Fight Club. Assure her that Hollywood can do great things with camera angles.

2 Find Things You Have In Common: Does she have a membership to the local YMCA? So do you! Maybe she's a piano teacher for underprivileged teens in the inner city? You played keyboards in the school band! Is her dad a cop? You've been arrested 3 times, that's close enough. Finding things in common is essential to a relationship so why don’t you get it out of the way before its official. After a long enough time you'll realize she takes a shower at the same time every night in the second floor bathroom of her house (third window from the left) and you'll be that much closer to being soulmates.

3 Be a Jerk: Lots of girls will say they don't like the jerks. They'll claim they're looking for a smart guy whose fun to be around and can have a good time without slapping around someone smaller than them. This brings us to an important life lesson: Girl's Lie. Remember the bully in grade school you were told to ignore because all he was looking for was attention? Well he got it back then, and now he's giving it to the hot girl that works in the library. So screw the sappy poetry and flowers and tell her that instead of studying for the test she has in an hour that she's coming back to your dorm for a little post-physics phun!

4 Go Around Telling People You Are Already Dating: Rumors sometimes aren't just rumors, sometimes they are true. So start one up about you and your dream girl, who knows, it might work out in the end. Soon enough she'll get sick of explaining to people that she "doesn't even know who you are" and she will finally accept that you are in love and will be together forever.

5 Sing in a Band: There is one catch to this; your band can't suck! Case in point, the lead singer of Simple Plan. No musician ever deemed "King of the Stage" has ever had problem picking up women, and there is a simple formula to it. You have to be a rockstar, on and off the stage. Not in a metal band? No problem, just learn to be BadAss. For information on how to do this see my previous works.

6 Have a Sense of Humor: Sam Kinison, Robin Williams, and Jon Lovitz. All ugly guys that get women because they are funny. A sense of humor is very important to a girl, so you have to show that you have the mind of a comedic genius. Sure, some girls won't find it funny when they get a ransom note from some psycho claiming to have kidnapped you, but if she sticks through the trauma of receiving three of your fingers in the mail you will know she's a keeper. And after a brief three months you can let her in on the joke by telling her you've just been in your parent’s basement. All the police and FBI agents on the case should get a good laugh about it too.

7 Play the Field: Going into a relationship without first testing the available options is like giving all the money you won in the lottery to charity; a waste. The best advice I can give a guy, is that if you are interested in a girl; first hook up with all of her friends, that way they won't try to seduce you once you are in a relationship with said friend. It's also helpful because you will know which ones will be worth cheating on your girlfriend with.

8 Get a Role Model: In the 1800's tradesmen would have apprentices that would learn by helping out their master eventually becoming a master of the craft themselves. The same can work for picking up women. Find a guy that will give you that extra motivation to go over and talk to the girl behind the desk at Res Life. Whether that motivation is a friendly pep talk between classes or a threat of being thrown down stairs if you don't call her at 2:30 in the morning on a Sunday, that person will be there to make sure you make the right decisions.

9 Ask Another Female: The best way to find out what a girl wants is to ask another girl. Bring a notebook and write down everything she says. She'll suggest giving flowers, saying what your heart tells you, and being romantic. All the things she pictures when she closes her eyes and pictures her Prince Charming (complete with white horse and shiny armor). She'll suggest all those things that she has never gotten from her dream man and her world will be shattered. This will probably be the last step and she will finally get the courage to down the entire bottom of sweet sweet silence.

10Sit On Your Ass And Wait Till The Hot Girl Comes To You: This requires no effort on your part. You simply sit around playing Halo with your friends. Don't work out, don't go out on weekends, hell don't even wear pants if you don't have to. This requires you to do as little work as possible until your dream girls walks through the door and throws herself at you. Hey, it worked for me!
With these ten steps you should be on your way to Panty Lane.