I have had the same dentist since I was a little kid. I do not even know his last name, I just call him Dr. Bill. It is embarrassing because when I go to other doctors sometimes they ask me who my dentist is and I say, "Oh yea, its Dr…. uhhhh…. you know…. Dr. Bill in Red Bank." The sign out front says Dentistry for Children and in the twenty or so years I have been going there the only things that have changed are now I am driving myself and I am old enough to hit on some of the dental assistants. Actually there are only about two that are in my age bracket the rest have been there for as far back as I can remember, except instead of talking about what I did in school today they're sharing stories of how they went to a Tom Petty concert and got drunk back when they were my age.

It was pretty bad today when I sat in the waiting room because all these young mothers were in there with their children and they were looking at me. They probably were thinking about how our society has gone into shambles because this young kid is waiting for his son to be done with the dentist. Come to think of it, I'd rather have them think that then what the case was really. It's not that I am embarrassed about walking into a place with a big sign out front that says "Dentistry for Children" its just that if I hang out in the play room too long nowadays I could land in prison. And then, by Meghan's Law, I would have to get a new dentist so I could stay away from children. There are two things in this world I don't like; children and change. I will be damned if the abuse of one makes me do the other.

Since I am older and can have intellectual conversation with the people there I tend to learn something new every time I sit down in the big clown chair for a check-up. Last time I was talking to the dentist about what it took to become a dentist and he told me all I had to do was take the four basic sciences. Since only three came to mind (Bio, Chemistry, Physics) I decided to pass on the dentistry school idea. On this visit the only time we talked about school was when they asked what my major was. When I told them it was a Criminal Justice/Philosophy double they just started laughing, then I started laughing, then the person next to me started laughing, and we were all having a pretty good chuckle until the dentist realized he left the nitrous oxide on. Talking about concerts and such, the lady I was talking to brought up that Jon Bon Jovi brings his kids there. I go to the same dentist as Bon Jovi's kids! Isn't that… kind of sad?

With that appointment down I am moving on to the big bad oral surgeon because I was getting my wisdom teeth out. It must be tough work to get molars out because this guy was jacked. Seriously, I could have sworn I saw him take on Tito Ortiz last month in a UFC match. I thought doctors were supposed to be geeks that like science and are amazed by blood plaza traits. This guy looked like while playing linebacker he got knocked too hard and suddenly became enlightened to the matters of all things biology. Whatever the reason this will not be the last time I will have a large man probing around my innards before I pass out and not remember a thing.