Hey there kids. Everybody enjoying 4/20, getting stoned and listening to Phish and eating hemp bracelets and the like? Well get ready for more, because I am passing a gossip joint your way, and it is a fatty.

BONER ALERT! This week in Hollywood broke a ton of stories that are sure to pitch some tents. First and foremost, Lindsay Lohan might be a total lesbo. An old publicist of hers is saying that she’s currently hooking it with a DJ named Samantha Ronson. Who knows if it’s true, but at least we can all fantasize about it, can’t we? [source: Egotastic]

Also this week, warmer weather meant boobs galore from two of our favorite Hollywood sluts. Jessica Simpson is definitely flashing some areola, and Paris Hilton suddenly has enormous breasts. Paris, 1, Gravity, 0. [source: Egotastic, Hollywood Tuna]

And one last tidbit of from the Boner Times – Eva Longoria told the Sun UK this week that she ‘loves being sexually submissive’ and is ‘not averse to being tied up.' So pop that gem in your spank bank for a rainy day. [source: WWTDD]

Here’s a hilarious story from the MTV fuckfest known as ‘The Hills.’ Last week we found out a sex tape existed of MTV queen Lauren Conrad and resident doucebag/ex-boyfriend Jason Wahler. However, this week the porn company planning to distribute it withdrew their offer because the sex was ‘too vanilla.’ I honestly can’t decide which would be worse – having a sex tape leak, or having a sex tape rejected because it was too boring. [source: DListed]

Speaking of douchebags, apparently Alec Baldwin is one? There’s an audio tape on the web of this oldest Baldwin leaving a psychotic voicemail message for his 11 year old daughter, in which he says she ‘doesn’t have the brains or the decency as a human being.’ What could she POSSIBLY have done as an 11 year old girl to deserve this? Leave out her Barbies? Ask for a ride to the mall? Invite too many friends to her rollerblading birthday party? [source: WWTDD]

It’s Douchebag Week! Turns out Kirsten Dunst is kind of one too. While promoting Spiderman 3 this week, she actually had the balls to tell the media, about a potential Spiderman 4, "Audiences aren't stupid. It'd be a big flop without me, Tobey, or Sam. That would really not be the smartest move." Maybe it’s just me, but I would RUN to the theatre to see a Spiderman without Kirsten Dunst. [source: DListed]

In other news, Paris Hilton’s skin looks really really natural. [source: Mollygood]

And this picture of Beyonce being electrocuted is hilarious and defies all logic. [source: IDLYITW]

And last but not least, check out Jessica Simpson’s hot FUPA pants. If there’s one thing I love, it’s a quality FUPA. Happy Friday! [source: DListed]