“OH MY GOD I am sooooo SOBER right now!!! I’ve had like 9 shots of NOTHING!! You gotta come down here, dude, it’s f*cking insane. We just played a RIDICULOUS game of pictionary. There must be, like, NO KEGS HERE and already everyone still has their clothes on! OH SH*T!! Jenny and Heather just started HAVING A DISCUSSION WITH EACH OTHER!!! There are soo many girls here and I’ve hooked up with like NONE OF THEM!! YEAAH!! F*ck, man, I can barely not see in front of me, like my vision is soo clear right now. I better take a taxi home. Or my car, since I STILL HAVE MY KEYS!!!”