Go already!

What shade of green are you waiting for? Oh great, now traffic is making a left turn in front of you because you’re so goddamn slow. For Christ’s sake, just look at all those cars!

And now it’s red. Happy?

It’s people like you that cause accidents! Jesus, I bet you’re old. What am I saying, of course you are, you drive a fuckin Buick. No one drives a Buick unless they’re retired. Buick must issue a complimentary car to every old fogy when they retire. They should make all of you crotchety old gum-grinders take a drivers test once a year. For real, you shouldn’t even be on the road. Don’t you have any family that can pick you up and drive you around?

Ok, it’s about to turn green again. Fuck this, I’m not waiting for this blue-haired geezer, I’m hitting the gas on yellow. Yeah, watch this granny; bet you didn’t see this coming!

And here’s a little hand gesture to let you know I think you’re number one.

Got it?

Oh shit, Grandma, I’m sorry! Holy crap, I hope you didn’t notice me!

See you at Mom’s birthday party, I love you!