• Speaking of hair on your ass, guess who's staying here for a few weeks? Your Uncle Doug!
  • …after the State Fair comes to an end this weekend. Oh, I was watching the news—guess what else is coming to an end? The world.
  • And as long as we're on the subject of corn, last night I could have sworn your bedroom was the bathroom.
  • Boy, Blade: Trinity sucked, didn't it? Speaking of things Wesley Snipes does poorly, the IRS called.
  • How about that WNBA double-header, folks? Keeping with things that are orange, here's three hours of Carrot Top.
  • Speaking of cleaning up someone else's shit, your Great-Grandma Rose is coming over, too.
  • You know what my favorite bird is? The swallow. Which reminds me, are you and Jill still "taking a break"?
  • …semen everywhere! Speaking of which, I hear that Navy recruiter is coming through again.
  • My girlfriend is being a total bitch this week. Speaking of things that bleed a lot, your mom was in a car accident last night, I totally forgot to tell you.