Two College Guys
Mark sits at a table with cards, Chad enters.
Mark: Hey man.
Chad: What’s up?
Mark: Wanna play “War?”
Chad: No man, not after what happened last time
Mark: Oh come on, don’t be a pussy.
Chad: Ok, fine. But I’m going to win this time. (SITS)
Mark: That’s what I’m talking about! (DEALS DECK) I’ll even let you go first, since you said you got cheated last time.
Chad:You know you cheated me. But you're going down, brother.
Mark: (When the cards are all dealt, claps his hands together in anticipation) Ok, go for it.
Chad:Ok let’s start with something easy .Jennifer Lopez. (PUTS DOWN CARD)
Mark: (PUTS DOWN CARD) I’d do her.
Chad:(PLACES CARD ON TOP OF CARD) I’d do her hard.
Mark: (THE CARD PLACING CONTINUES EACH TIME A GUY TRIES TO OUTDO THE OTHER) I’d do her so hard she’d get another divorce.
Chad:I’d do her so hard she’d go by “Jenny from the Cock.”
Mark: Ohhh good one.
Chad:Thanks. (SCOOPS CARDS) Your turn.
Mark: Okay Angelina Jolie. (AGAIN THE CARD PLACING STARTS)
Chad:I’d do her.
Mark: I’d do her hard.
Chad:I’d raid her tomb.
Mark: Nice, but predictable I’d stick it in her Shark Tale.
Chad:I’d do her so hard she’d be Gone in Sixty Seconds.
Mark: I’d do her so hard she’d call me her Bone Collector.
Chad: I’d .damn, you take them.
Mark: (SCOOPS CARDS) Thank you. Okay, the turn is yours.
Chad: Okay your mom.
Mark: No! That’s fucked up!
Chad: Would you do her?
Mark: Of course not!
Chad:Then give me a card.
Mark: You’re a bastard If that’s how you want to play, then how about this? Your sister! (SLAPS CARD DOWN)
Chad: ..I’d do her. Okay, enough of that cheap shit. Let’s get down to it.
Mark: Bring it on.
Chad:Colleen. (PUTS DOWN A CARD)
Mark: The Irish chick from Poly-sci?
Mark: I’d McDo her!
Chad:I’d McDo her hard.
Mark: I’d do her so hard she would STOP drinking.
Chad:I’d do her so hard she would yearn for the warm embrace of her alcoholic father.
Mark: I’d do her so hard her freckles would fall off.
Mark: Hah! (SCOOPS UP CARDS) Okay, this could be the last one Becky.
Chad: Which one is she?
Mark: The one from Wisconsin she grew up on that dairy farm?
Chad:Oh yeah, her okay, I’d do her.
Mark: I’d do her hard.
Chad:I’d do her until the cows came home.
Mark: I’d do her until the cows came home, and then I’d do the cows.
Chad:I’d do her in so many holes you’d think she was swiss cheese.
Mark: I’d do her for so long she’d ask me to leave her a-provolone.
Chad:I’d do her for an hour, and then I’d let her go down on me until I bleu cheese all over her face.
Mark: I’d, uh .Oh man, you win.
Chad:Thank you, thank you. Now if you don’t mind, I gotta call my sister