Two College Guys
Mark sits at a table with cards, Chad enters.
Mark: Hey man.
Chad: What’s up?
Mark: Wanna play “War?”
Chad: No man, not after what happened last time
Mark: Oh come on, don’t be a pussy.
Ok, fine. But I’m going to win this time. (SITS)
Mark: That’s what I’m talking about! (DEALS DECK) I’ll even let you go first, since you said you got cheated last time.
Chad:You know you cheated me. But you're going down, brother.
Mark: (When the cards are all dealt, claps his hands together in anticipation) Ok, go for it.
let’s start with something easy
.Jennifer Lopez. (PUTS DOWN CARD)
Mark: (PUTS DOWN CARD) I’d do her.
Chad:(PLACES CARD ON TOP OF CARD) I’d do her hard.
Mark: (THE CARD PLACING CONTINUES EACH TIME A GUY TRIES TO OUTDO THE OTHER) I’d do her so hard she’d get another divorce.
Chad:I’d do her so hard she’d go by “Jenny from the Cock.”
Chad:Thanks. (SCOOPS CARDS) Your turn.
Angelina Jolie. (AGAIN THE CARD PLACING STARTS)
Chad:I’d do her.
Mark: I’d do her hard.
Chad:I’d raid her tomb.
Mark: Nice, but predictable
I’d stick it in her Shark Tale.
Chad:I’d do her so hard she’d be Gone in Sixty Seconds.
Mark: I’d do her so hard she’d call me her Bone Collector.
.damn, you take them.
Mark: (SCOOPS CARDS) Thank you. Okay, the turn is yours.
Mark: No! That’s fucked up!
Chad: Would you do her?
Mark: Of course not!
Chad:Then give me a card.
Mark: You’re a bastard
If that’s how you want to play, then how about this? Your sister! (SLAPS CARD DOWN)
..I’d do her. Okay, enough of that cheap shit. Let’s get down to it.
Mark: Bring it on.
Chad:Colleen. (PUTS DOWN A CARD)
Mark: The Irish chick from Poly-sci?
Mark: I’d McDo her!
Chad:I’d McDo her hard.
Mark: I’d do her so hard she would STOP drinking.
Chad:I’d do her so hard she would yearn for the warm embrace of her alcoholic father.
Mark: I’d do her so hard her freckles would fall off.
Mark: Hah! (SCOOPS UP CARDS) Okay, this could be the last one
Chad: Which one is she?
Mark: The one from Wisconsin
she grew up on that dairy farm?
Chad:Oh yeah, her
okay, I’d do her.
Mark: I’d do her hard.
Chad:I’d do her until the cows came home.
Mark: I’d do her until the cows came home, and then I’d do the cows.
Chad:I’d do her in so many holes you’d think she was swiss cheese.
Mark: I’d do her for so long she’d ask me to leave her a-provolone.
Chad:I’d do her for an hour, and then I’d let her go down on me until I bleu cheese all over her face.
Mark: I’d, uh
.Oh man, you win.
Chad:Thank you, thank you. Now if you don’t mind, I gotta call my sister