Section 1: Short Answer


1) You just threw a rock and two consecutive scissors. He threw paper, scissors, and paper. What would be the correct next throw if it determined who was driving to Taco Bell? To KFC? Please explain.


2) You have banana cake mix, 2 end pieces of a loaf of bread, mayonnaise, and 75 cents to your name. Please explain how you are going to eat tonight.


Section 2: Fill in the Blank


3) The best place to go if you feel like eating 15 tiny, delicious cheeseburgers is _____________.


4) During your junior year, the incredibly under appreciated TV show ___________ ____________ was canceled after just 3 f*cking seasons.


Section 3: Analogies


5) MITCH HEDBERG : HILARIOUS :: CARLOS MENCIA : _____________


6) KEG STANDS : USEFUL SKILL :: MLA FORMATTING : _____________


Section 4: Mathematics


7) How many ounces of Natural Ice must be consumed by a 180 lb man before he falls asleep on his neighbor's porch because his keys don't fit into the lock quite right? How much wine?


8) What would be the hang time of a kitten shot from a cannon if it hit 2 missiles hanging from balloons and no spikes?


Section 5: Long Answer (Choose only one)


9) What the fuck are you going to do with a degree in Human Communications? Please justify your existence.


10) Go take a nap.