The key to drinking terrible beer is to drink it fast. Pizza can be eaten multiple times a day with virtually no immediate negative effects. At least one of your professors smokes pot. It's nobody's job to wash the dining room silverware. There is a Santa Claus, and you'll get to meet him right after graduation! If you have a professor who owns an iPod and a messenger bag, he's slept with a girl in your class. Before he was expelled, Tom Riddle built an enormous chamber underneath the chemistry department that only his true heir can open.