Going to a strip club is a right (on!) of passage that bridges the gap between boy and man and 300$ checking account balance and 25$ balance. Here's how to do it right.

Drive Drunk-Drunk driving is an absolute must for any impromptu strip club trip. The best way to go about doing it is to get really shitty drunk before you get in the car, and then keep drinking once you're in it. But what you say, it's dangerous? So is finger banging an exotic dancer named Destiny then smoking a cigarette. At a strip club danger is relative" she's also a Portuguese chick with two kids who can stick a whole whine bottle in her pussy.

Spend Early-Upon entering the club you must immediately identify yourself as a big spender. When one of the girls comes up and asks if you're tipping say "you bet yer sexy ass I'm tipping," then shove a five in her sexy ass. The word will spread like syphilis in Baltimore. Before you can say," how much would I have to pay to mouth fuck you" you'll have every girl at the club in the palm of your awkwardly sweaty hand. If they think you'll spend big money for a trip to the back room, they will pull some very serious shit to make sure it happens. While your dumbass friends are throwin' crumpled up singles at the girls on stage, you'll be getting quasi hand jobs and negotiating high risk behavior, at no immediate cost.

Sell Beer-Once the girls realize you aren't going to give them money they will quickly disappear. You should disappear for a while too" to your car to get the icy-cold beer you have in a cooler in your trunk. The beauty of strip clubs is that the seedy ones, which are the only strip clubs real dudes go to, are almost all BYOB. BYOB, for those of you who are too drunk to figure it out, is an acronym that means Old Drunk Dudes Will Buy Beers Off You For Twice What They Are Worth Because They Will Still Be Cheaper Than The Shit They Serve At The Bar. What it means for you is cold hard cash that you can use to sin.

Drink More Beer-This one is pretty self explanatory.

Well, I'm usually blacked out at this point, so you guys are on your own from here. Good luck.