CollegeHumor.com will not submit to the whims of the clothing corporations who hold sway over other websites. This page is free from the latest apparel you'd like us to hock to our beloved viewers. We refuse to peddle your pointless material possessions with deceptive advertisements strewn about our pages like so many weeds in a garden of free speech.

We will not to promote the clothing chain known as Abercrombie & Fitch; while hoards of bourgeois American pigs riffle through racks of designer jeans, Indonesian children 60 thousand miles sweat over industrial sewing machines so A & F can hock their brand new Bold Stripe polo shirts at the reasonable price of $49.50 as part of this fall's "Casual Luxury" line. We are thoroughly disgusted at the shrewd business tactics used in producing this fresh, original and sexy new look.

Those who visit CollegeHumor are of a different breed than the brainless, well dressed automatons you're used to dealing with. We assure you they're not interested in your vintage low-cut Abercrombie Wash cargo pants or your limited edition Hawaiian-print surf-shorts (available in seven original Polynesian patterns).

Oh, sure. You’d like us to tell our readers about this May's "Endless Summer" sales event, to tell them about this pathetic ritual of unbeatable savings—including 50 percent off selected denim trousers (offer void on weekends and holidays). You'd like us to do that, to mention the "Endless Summer" sales event, but we won't.

If you think CH readers will sacrifice their principals for the popularity and irresistible, Ryan Seacrest-like "don't care" attitude guaranteed to anyone sporting one of your signature skin-tight charcoal tees, you're sorely mistaken. Our readers are content to remain misanthropic bastards of society with a hideous style that will continue to alienate them from their peers for years to come.

Find some other sellouts, Abercrombie & Fitch (Est. 1892): CollegeHumor wants nothing to do with you.