Amir: I was most surprised that the Dolphins GM was an Ohio State freshman eager to meet Ted Ginn Jr. I thought it was some old white guy.
Ethan: Hey, if you're going to make a reach pick, at least make sure he might not be healthy to actually play. That way no one will know he's a bust. I call this the Aaron Rodgers Theory.
Amir: I thought the Aaron Rodgers theory was to keep him behind a starter who would rather eat his own wife than retire.
Ethan: Oh yeah. My favorite surprise was the Brady Quinn freefall. Here he thinks he might go number three, doesn't, and has to answer inane questions from Suzy Kolber. "How does it feel to not get drafted highly? To sit here for hours thinking about the money you've lost and the way you've let down your family?" He should have asked her what it felt like to have Joe Namath's gin-soaked tongue in her mouth.
Amir: I'm sure she wanted to kiss Brady as much as Willy Joe wanted to kiss her.
Ethan: If Quinn's any good at all, how did he sit there so long like a seventh-grader whose mom forgot to pick him up at the movies. That minivan's going to turn the corner any minute, Brady!
Amir: He looked like he was about to melt out of that vest. I don't think I'd ever see anybody so happy to become a Cleveland Brown.
Ethan: But with their wheeling and dealing I think the Browns had the best draft of any team. They basically came out of the thing with two top 5 players.
Amir: Seriously though, Ted Ginn? That team has Chris Chambers, Marty Booker, and Cleo Lemon at Quarterback and they draft Ted Ginn?
Ethan: Dolphins management has apparently decided that finding the next Wes Welker is more important than finding the next Dan Marino. "No, we're all set at QB, thanks we may trade for what's left of Trent Green!" Give me the second-day picks you loved.
Amir: I think Michael Bush pick in the FOURTH ROUND to the Raiders was the best pick of day two, and maybe the whole draft. This guy averaged 6 yards per carry for his career, who cares if he broke his leg senior year! You don't need legs to run. You need heart.
Ethan: I thought he was going to be the best college RB last year, and he could easily be the best back in this draft. Is he talented enough to push Lamont Jordan and Justin Fargas for a job? Yes, but so is anyone reading this column.
Amir: Speak for yourself, I may run a 4.4 forty, but I really messed up the hands test at the combine. I will never recover from that.
Ethan: A second day pick I liked was the Steelers getting Baylor punter Daniel Sepulveda to take the reins from the unblockable Chris Gardocki. He's going to be the Steeler's best punter since Kordell Stewart, and I'm sure his play at QB wouldn't be that much worse in a pinch.
Amir: Now he's a real estate agent slash used car salesman slash pop warner coach slash unemployed.
Ethan: The big question, though: how do you feel about your boys the Raiders giving up Randy Moss?
Amir: Good riddance to insanely talented rubbish. Can you believe that the fourth round draft pick from the Patriots was the best offer they received? How the mighty have fallen.
Ethan: Did you watch him play last year? Sure, the team's QBs were terrible, and there was no running game, but Moss looked downright slow a lot of the time. I'm surprised the Pats would give up the pick and take on his salary, but maybe they've got a soft spot for superstars in decline. Every time I see Bill Belichick he's wearing a Hakeem Olajuwon Raptors jersey.
Amir: Don't the Pats now have roughly four hundred wideouts? Is Jabar Gaffney going to play outside linebacker?
Ethan: Reche Caldwell can drop balls at any position, not just wide receiver.
Amir: Let's get on to what the fans in Oakland really care about: Mavs-Warriors. Although I'd like to first remind everybody what you said two weeks ago when I predicted a Warriors upset over the Mavs. Ethan: The Warriors over the Mavs? Is Chris Mullin finishing a time machine so he can suit his 1992 self up for the series? You're insane. I'd bet my own beard against Baron Davis' that the Mavs will win it in five. Hell, I'll buy Baron Davis' beard on eBay and wear it all summer if they win." Nervous?
Ethan: Not at all. Dirk turned it around last night, and the Warriors had a nine-point lead late. They blew it. The Mavs have it. Although I'm not going to completely recant on my previous statement; have you ever seen Chris Mullin and Baron Davis in the same place at the same time?
Amir: What are you more shocked about, Warriors playing this well or the Heat getting swept?
Ethan: The Heat weren't constructed in a way that made sense last year when they won, and this year everyone was a year older. Taking on all those declining older guys (Williams, Payton, Walker) worked out once, but if anything went wrong like Wade's injury, they certainly weren't going to be able to pull through with just their role players and the enormous shell of Shaq. Chicago's well-coached and has a ton of good young players, so why wouldn't they win? I'm just going to throw this one out there: Luol Deng has now surprassed Manute Bol as the greatest Dinka tribesman in NBA history.
Amir: Can they beat the Pistons?
Ethan: Yes, they can and will.
Amir: Now you've got upset fever! That'll be the first eastern conference series I care about since Stags/Zollner Pistons in '48.
Ethan: I think we should take this moment to thank Troy Tulowitzki for reminding us that unassisted triple plays don't have to be exciting. Just catch it and take a few steps forward!
Amir: Rare doesn't have to mean exciting, just ask Tulowitzki. He's one of a kind and he's painfully boring to watch.
Ethan: He's young, and he'll eventually be a good SS, but that play was just kind of anticlimactic. The 5-4-3 one the Phillies turned a few weeks ago behind Hamels was much more exciting. Still want to fire Joe Torre?
Amir: Me personally? Yeah. Just gimme his number.
Ethan: Just do it over email. It's classier that way. Got an interesting fact this week?
Amir: You notice how complacent shaq looked after the Heat got swept?
Ethan: He had a shift as a sheriff's deputy that night he had to get his game face on.
Amir: Maybe. But maybe its because that was Shaq's SIXTH time getting swept. He's been in the league for 15 years, and won the championship 4 times. So over half of his playoff exits are sweeps. He even LOSES in style!
Ethan: Anything that shortens the NBA playoffs is fine by me.
Amir: Until next time, enjoy watching Curlin win the Kentucky Derby!
Ethan: We may even talk about hockey next week, I can feel it!
Amir and Ethan would like you to read Carl Pavano's new anti-Red Sox blog: DiceGay.com. Baseball has never been this funny! (1919 World Series Black Sox Scandal notwithstanding.)