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Prepare For The Most Sensual Night of Your Life

by Dean April 26, 2007

Baby I hope you're ready for the most hedonistic night of your life. I'm gonna make you a delicious dinner of artichoke crowns and stuffed saffron-scented crab. A few glasses of red wine and before you know it we'll be relaxing in my jacuzzi. You like those multi-directional jet streams and underwater colored lights?

After our dip I'll slowly lead you up to my bedroom, prolonging the moment as long as I can. I bet the anticipation is killing you. I’ll open the door and carry you over the threshold. What's this in my room? Al Green in the CD player... on repeat. We're gonna be doing nasty things all night and won't have time to restart the CD. I'll light a luxury, orange blossom candle in a jar and let the fragrance dance through the air.

Next I'll put some warming massage oils on my hands and lather you all over your body. I got these in the adult section of Spencer's Gifts when I went to the mall today. They were $15 a bottle, but you're worth every penny baby. I can feel the electricity between us, the sexual tension is rising like my grand-father's cholesterol.

My lips will kiss every inch of your body. I'll try my hardest not to tickle you, but I forgot to shave today so I can't promise anything. Your skin is so soft and the candle light dances on the tiny beads of sweat. I kiss the entire geography of your body until I see a mole. I skip that part.

Pretty soon we won't be able to restrain ourselves. We'll be thrown into an uncontrollable frenzy of lust and we will have no choice but to give ourselves to the moment. I'll spread your legs and... actually, stop. Just stop for a second. I don't know if I'm ready to do this yet.

I'm not really sure that I'm comfortable taking this step yet, I mean I just met you last week. It has nothing to do with you, I’m just kind of scared and I don't know if we're prepared for this. I'm pretty smashed off those two glasses of wine and I might not be in the best state of mind to make big decisions.

I'm not totally sure this is the right choice for us right now, I hardly know you! Sex is a really big commitment and until we are better acquainted and are sure we’re mature enough to be doing this I think we should hold off. Maybe we can go on a few more dates, and if in like a month or two we still want to "do it" then we can. Let me show you to the door.

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I Can Explain My iTunes Library

by Dean April 23, 2007

Hey you dudes want another beer? What kind do you- hey what are you doing on my computer? Don't go on the internet, I'm downloading... this thing. It's hard to explain. Just don't look at my bookmarks ok?

Yeah you can put some music on. Just don't- why do I have ABBA's greatest hits? Do I really have that? That's weird, I don't know how that got on there. It must have just downloaded somehow.

Hey Trav I got next game on the Wii! What? There's no Backstreet Boys songs on my computer. Is that even my computer? From the sounds of the gay music it must be... your computer. I don't know how your computer would get to my house, you tell me. Oh, that song. That was for a project for this class.

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