Articles Archive for Yale

9 total in March 2008

  • Fan Mail Response to "My Letter to Michael Cera"

    by Dan Amerman March 25, 2008

    Good times...
    Dear Friends,

    Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. Good timing though - I've been meaning to drop you a line, but I've just been SOOO busy!! You see, ever since my article:"My Letter to Michael Cera"·went National, I've sort of been catapulted to stardom. Basically, I receive HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of fan letters each day. Unlike that Michael "Haughty" Cera, I decided that my loyal minions out there deserve a response to their letters (my step-mother's husband always tells me not to be selfish). As such, I am posting some of my most recent fan mail. I hope they bring as much joy and warmth to all of your hearts as they did to all of mine.

    Heartiest Regards,
    ~Dan
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Me and Michael put on our favorite play

    Dear Dan,
    I love everything you do and I have a shrine of you in my closet. We should hang out sometime.
    Love,
    Jan


    Jan,
    I would love to hang out because I make a point of ALWAYS HANGING OUT WITH MY FANS, usually at themed slumber parties.
    My phone number is:456-WHYDONTYOUCALLMEMICHAEL ext. WHYMICHAELWHY. It's a landline so just ask for me - I'm always home 24/7 waiting.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Me and Michael with the lead singer of the German punk rock band, 4Lorn
    Hey Dan,
    I'm sorry to hear that you STILL haven't heard back from Michael Cera. You seem really fun, cool, smart and stuff, humorous, tidy, recalcitrant, sharing and rich and he should call you for friendship.

    WHY DOESN'T MICHAEL CERA SEE THAT?? HMMMM?!?!??!?!

    Keep the faith though, Dan. I'm really proud of you. You're really special and talented, no matter what your fake dad says.
    Best,
    Xan


    Hi Xan,
    Thanks for your letter. I don't know why he won't call me. I've tried EVERYTHING: poems, letters, cheese and fruit trays (Have you ever tried grapes and cheese AT THE SAME TIME? It's ridiculous and he still hasn't called.), and even some pictures I made of us having fun together (you're probably SOOOO jealous, right?). It's like I always say: "Make NEW FRIENDS, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." I AM F*CKING PLATINUM MICHAEL!!!
    Best wishes,
    ~Dan
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Me and Michael at the Wailing Wall

    Hey Dan,
    You watch Michael Cera on "Arrested Development" right? HA! Of course you do - the DVD's are propped on the table next to your bed so when you wake up you think the whole cast is there, gently nestling you from slumber.
    Love,
    ~Aan


    Who?,
    HAHA!!! JK It's an inside joke I have with Michael, don't worry about it. I lurve "AD"!! I actually came up with this HILARIOUS character for the show that I'd love to play named "Dan" who is Michael Cera's best friend in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD like bff and they hug a lot and stuff. Right? Wouldn't that be GREAT?!?! HAHAHA. See I'm laughing because I'm happy! HA!
    Dan
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    AWWWW!!!!!! SOOO CUTE!!

    Dan,
    Michael Cera won't respond to me either so don't worry you're not alone even though you probably think you are except during your 2 hour per day "make a wish" sessions when you think about how life should be. We should hang out and play Lincoln Logs and eat mini bags of Cool Ranch Doritos that your mom bought in an assorted snack pack. Maybe we could make a bat cave fort and watch "Juno" in the dark where no one can see our toes. Let me know!
    Love,
    Flan


    Flan,
    Cool! Alright this is gonna be great! Who needs Michael Cera anyway! Who? Me? HA! FALSE! That's funny though! HaHA! Cool Ranch! This is gonna ROCK! Do you like Fanta? We should high five when you get here! :-D
    Can't wait buddy,
    Dan!
    Fly like an eagle Michael Cera...
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  • Ancient Japanese Wisdom - Bathing with Manners

    by Dan Amerman March 21, 2008



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  • Top Ten Signs that It's Time to Shave

    by Dan Amerman March 13, 2008

    10) Your beard has grown an inch since your last menstrual period.

    9) You want Michael Jackson to start returning your calls again because you miss "fun tickle time in the cave of giggles and magic."

    8) You get a Fortune Cookie that reads, "Shave now, prosper later." Then the waiter winks at you.

    7) Mach 3 is no longer fast enough.

    6) You can use your stubble to sand your wood.

    5) You're Osama Bin Laden and you have to fly into DC for your sister's wedding.

    4)

    3) You want to look sharp for your match against Triple H at Wrestlemania.

    2) 8-year-old sister Sally-Morgan: You're beard looks like sh*t.
    Mom: Sally-Morgan!! You mean, it looks like poopy...

    1) You have a vagina, but I can't find it.
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  • My Letter to Michael Cera

    by Dan Amerman March 10, 2008


    Dear Michael,

    What's up? Things are good here - just school work and such. So you probably don't know who I am (unless you happened to know me through like three friends or something, which would be really CRAZY since I didn't think you knew me but you did - that would be SO funny, which would be cool since I know you like comedy HAHA...up top! *high fives*), but I just saw Superbad for the like gajillionth time and I feel like we would be really good friends. :-D

    I bet I know what you're thinking!!! This kid's name sounds familiar! That's probably because I poked you on facebook 10-12 times last Tuesday. I attached a photo to jog your memory (Jog - get it? Just like your character in Juno HAHA. I knew you'd get it. You seem really nice in that movie.). I just wanted to let you know that you didn't poke me back. I figured you probably thought I wassome crazy FREAK fan or something, so I'm glad that I can clarify that I certainly am NOT! Whew!

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  • Important questions to consider: #1

    by Dan Amerman March 03, 2008

    The way this works is that I propose a hypothetical question. Then you laugh and dismiss it as tomfoolery. Then you actually consider it, and you realize that you must share your answer with the world so you email me at questions2consider@gmail.com with your answer and a brief explanation as to the warped thought process that brought you there. I'll read them and post the funniest few in the next installment, along with my personal answer, and the next hypothetical question. Let the games begin...


    Question #1:
    If you woke up and your d*ck were a sword, would you duel with it?

    This little guy says: "Heck yes!"


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  • How did this get past the editor? 3/3/08

    by Dan Amerman March 03, 2008

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  • When you are Roger Clemens, you take what you can get...

    by Dan Amerman March 01, 2008


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  • There's no way this could've gotten past the editor...

    by Dan Amerman March 01, 2008

    but I'm really glad it did.


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  • How did this get past the editor?

    by Dan Amerman March 01, 2008


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