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  • Look closely. This is what a REAL superhero looks like!
    Hey John!

    Congratulations on Robot Man, or Steel Guy, or whatever the hell that movie was called. I have heard very good things from people in the biz, and I caught a showing myself when I messed up on Fandango and accidentally bought tickets to your movie instead of Speed Racer. As a fellow director of a comic book franchise - Spider-Man, maybe you've heard of it? - I thought I would offer you a little advice. You need to really focus on the tried-and-true methods of making a wildly successful comic book movie that everyone loves if you want to make the next one even better! Honestly, I don't think many people liked this one, but that doesn't mean you can't make the sequel as universally-loved as Spider-Man 3.



  • A Diary's Diary





  • One day, as horrifying as it may seem, you will have to leave college. No more waking up at 3:29 in the afternoon and then rushing out to show up late and still drunk to your 3:30 class. It's time to make something of yourself. What will YOU become when you leave that beer-soaked wonderland and enter that beer-soaked real world?

    The Soul-Crushing Cubicle Dweller: I sure do love the mind-numbing monotony of typing things into Excel all day long in my gray cubicle! It's great, because I can pretend to be John Locke working at a box company, and then hopefully I'll get in a plane crash too! That way, I can either die or live on a deserted island. Either option is better than this.



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  • Hell's Suggestion Box