Articles from Boston College

188 Total 126 Pictures 22 Videos 4 R-Rated 36 Articles

  • How Guys Spend Their Time

    by Tommy November 27, 2007

    A series of pie charts follows that shows how guys spend their time (when they are not sleeping) at different stages of their lives:

    -


    View Article


    Like it? You Like it! (4) Comments (0)

  • Childhood Nickelodeon: Unanswered Questions

    by Tommy November 23, 2007

    As the era of 90s Nickelodeon shows has passed, there are still many questions I have about the various shows during that time:

    -

    Did the kid that won the sweet glowing green GUTS trophy get to keep it?

    Who was the voice of Olmec and how can I get in touch with him?

    What did the temple guards do with the first kid in the 2 minute disparity between catching him/her and their partner being caught or finishing?

    Lori-Beth Denberg. Where is she? Heart attack?

    How did Face’s professional relationship with Nickelodeon come to an end?

    Did they tell the kids to mess up while building the silver monkey statue every fucking time to increase suspense and ratings?

    Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

    Kel. Where is he? Orange soda overdose?

    Have you considered bringing back Wild and Crazy Kids with the same exact kids, but now that they’re all about college age have them participate in massive drinking games in teams rather than water balloon fights and the like?

    What did Dr. Claw of Inspector Gadget look like?

    How did CatDog go to the bathroom?

    Is there any way you could get me a date with Summer Sanders?

    View Article


    Like it? You Like it! (17) Comments (71)

  • The "FUCK!" Volume Scale

    by Tommy November 23, 2007

    Throughout the course of our lives, certain events cause us to just yell "FUCK!" involuntarily. This scale is designed to give you an idea of how loud you scream "FUCK!" for each event.

    40 decibels (Refrigerator Humming): Failing a test you studied 3 hours for.

    55 decibels (Normal Talking Voice): Getting a piece of dust in your eye when no one is around.

    70 decibels (Hair Dryer): Having absolutely no will to do homework and logging on to CollegeHumor only to find there are no new updates.

    80 decibels (Subway): Getting killed in Halo 3 by a n00b.

    90 decibels (Lawnmower): Having your team lose a game on a last second 3 pointer by the other team.

    100 decibels (Snowmobile): Missing the last note of a perfected Guitar Hero song.

    110 decibels (Jackhammer): Hearing stories of what you did while you were blacked out last night.

    120 decibels (Chainsaw): Waking up from a sex dream with a hot girl and ensuing inability to fall back asleep.

    140 decibels (Shotgun Firing): Looking in the mirror for the first time after a shaming.

    215 decibels (Space Shuttle Launch): Waking up outside having no recollection of how you got there or what happened the night before.

    248 decibels (Hiroshima A-Bomb) Your girlfriend telling you she is pregnant.

    View Article


    Like it? You Like it! (4) Comments (2)

  • The Internet, Honestly

    by Tommy November 23, 2007



    What It Says


    -------------------------------------------------------------------





    What It Means

    View Article


    Like it? You Like it! (2) Comment (1)

  • Skits You Can Expect From Dane Cook Within the Year

    by Tommy November 23, 2007


    I gotta tell you people out there about something i just need to, you know, just put out there so like BAGOW! its out there so that you all know what im thinkin about (laughs). I love head. (wild cheers from audience) Ha! Yeah the guys out there know what I'm talking about! Head is just so goddamn good its like urrrrrr boing boing boing gasplash and its all over but its just the best thing ever (laughs). The only problem with head is that you ladies (glares fake angrily at the crowd, gets laughs) are under the impression that they are supposed to last 10 minutes...TOPS. I came up with a theory the other day that i think explains why this is, and how we can fix this little problem...you guys wanna hear it? (cheering and clapping erupt) Alright then guys come with me on this adventure, this journey, this QUEST (laughs) for the extended blow job. So my theory is that the terminology of the act, AKA blow job (a few laughs) is misleading to women. I mean you think about it, you break it down like noo noo noo noo noo noo (laughs) .......... thats the sound of something being broken down. (uncontrollable laughter) So anyway you break it down and you got blow on one side, right, and you got job on the other. First of all, where the fuck did blow come from? I don't want a fucking raspberry on my dick (laughs) pbbsbsbbtbtbbt hahahahha stop it that tickles. (clapping and cheering from audience). And in the second part you have job. A job is something you do for I dunno fuckin 4 or 5 years or somethin, which i translate to 4 to 5 minutes of blow job time. (gets laughs just because of the way he says fuckin) I say fuck blow jobs man, lets get something better going for us bros in here (guys cheer). Alright so check this out i have created the new best thing EVER: The Suck Career! (crowd is on their feet laughing and cheering). Alright so lets take a look at what we have here now: we got suck, alright thats halfway there pretty self-explanatory (laughs) and then we got the career. That makes it clear to you LADIES (laughs) that your not employed for a few minutes at Suck-E-Cheese but that you are in that shit for the long haul. (Wild cheers and applause from audience as the crowd cannot contain their laughter). He he he! BAGOW! (more laughs) ....... My dicks gonna fuckin have you on tenure hahaHA! (laughs as the joke ends)

    to be continued...

    View Article


    Like it? You Like it! (3) Comments (5)

  • The Declaration of Gin Dependence - House Party Rules

    by Tommy November 07, 2007

    When in the Course of Human events it becomes necessary for a people to dissolve the negative bands which have connected them with one another and to assume the powers of the alcohol, the bound and equal station to which the God of Drinking entitles them, and have a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requiring that they should put aside deama and live in the moment.

    We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed with certain unalienable rights, which among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of drunkenness. To secure these rights, this Declaration is instituted among men, deriving its powers from the consent of the governed. Whenever this declaration becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the partygoers to alter or abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their safety and happiness. He who breaks or neglects the following Declaration laws, which are most wholesome and necessary for the public good, is subject to the will of the governed.

    1. Professing speech in the accents of foreign peoples (The Gehrling Amendment)

    2. Spewing innards about without warning (The Hauber-Smith Amendment)

    3. Removing pants outside of a closed room, particularly in doorways (The Gallagher Amendment)

    4. Eating more than 10 White Castle slyders in one sitting (The Perry Amendment)

    5. Flinging clothes around the room while howling like a savage (The Lag Amendment)

    6. Passing out on stairs, under dumpsters, on the floor, or any uncommon place of rest prior to 3 A.M. (The Welch Amendment)

    7. Sleeping in the bed of the parents of the household (The McHale Amendment)

    8. Throwing pinecones or other flammable objects into the fireplace (The Longo Amendment)

    9. Harboring intense hatred for and/or picking fights with electronic devices (The Merten Amendment)

    10. Insisting that the disc jockey play that techno song she really likes, then dancing around suggestively and inappropriately (The Reidy-Williams Amendment)

    11. Spitting more that 8 fluid ounces of game in a night (The Mari Amendment)

    12. Touching, hugging, snuggling, or cuddling with girls at a rate of over 4 GPH (Girls per Hour) (The Juarez Amendment)

    13. Failing to abide by any of the unsaid rules in the Articles of Intoxication

    I, therefore, the Representative of the United House of Merten, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good People of this house, solemnly publish and declare this Declaration of Gin Dependence. As free and independent states, the governed have full power to consume alcohol, preserve peace, construct alliances, renew friendships, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm alliance to the protection of ourselves, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, our Honor, and our Sacred Friendships.

    Tommy Welch, November 7th, 2007

    View Article


    Like it? You Like it! (1) Comments (0)

  • The Articles of Intoxication - Dorm Room Party Rules

    by Tommy November 07, 2007

    We the People of Walsh 516, in Order to form a more perfect time for all, establish drunkenness, ensure domestic survival, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of alcohol to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish these Articles that guarantee life, retention of bodily fluids, and eventual unconsciousness for all.


    Article I

    Section I: No dying

    Section II: No crying (Exception is made for the violation of Article I Section I)

    Section III: No throwing up

    Section IV: If Section III must be violated, the contents must be expelled into a wastebasket, toilet, or another proper receptacle

    Section V: There is to be no excretion of urine in any place indoors aside from into the toilet

    Section VI: Outdoor urine excretions are also smiled upon by the hosting parties


    Article II

    Section I: There is to be no fighting in the physical, emotional, or mental sense

    Section II: Within Walsh 516, your right to bear arms is forfeited

    Section III: There is to be no writing on anyone unless all of the following circumstances apply:

    i)The person is not resting his or her eyes, he/she is passed out cold

    ii)The person’s shoes are on

    iii)The person deserves it

    Section IV: In the event of a beer pong/beirut game, there is to be a random drawing of names to determine teams

    Section V: There is to be no complaining about your partner, no matter how bad he/she is (The JP Amendment)


    Article III

    Section I: Ladies: Keep all 4 appendages to yourself when the other roomate is present

    Section II: Gentlemen: Keep all 5 appendages to yourself if the other roomate is present

    Section III: Do not engage in any acts that involve a member and a member of the opposite sex that you will regret come morning (The Asaro Amendment)

    Section IV: If a room resident brings a girl back to the dorm, she must be able to come through the doorway without turning sideways (The Dean Doctrine)


    I hold the following truths to be self evident: signed November 6, 2007


    Tommy Welch

    View Article


    Like it? You Like it! (1) Comments (0)

    • Recent Activity

    Visit Our Partners

    Calendar