Our writers are really smart and occasionally they leave us with what we like to call 'Nuggets of Wisdom.' Today, writers Ethan Trex and Tom Sunnergren supply you with the philosophy you so desperately need.

You crave them like your mom craved Jack Daniels when she was pregnant with you. And just like your mom, you should go right ahead and give in to the urge. Hey, just because you have fish eyes and went bald at 12 doesn't mean you can't enjoy some Hotlinks for the weekend, right?

1. A bunch of cheap, rip-off Halloween costumes.

2. Why you should always renew any domain name you own...BTW, does anyone know what URL this is?

3. The reason you should definitely wear condoms.

4. An absolutely ridiculous motorcycle jump. You'll see why.

5. Read Joel's comment. It's amazing.

Have a good weekend and remember, if you have a funny link (or picture or video), send it to me
here

You've seen them all over the Internet. The nerdy girl. The 'cool' guy. The details of their lives and accompanied by the utter disbelief of the narrator. But their lives aren't all getting married and having seven kids. Just like everyone else, their lives are sometimes tragic and sometimes mundane.

click image for full size

It's that time of the day again, the time when I tell you about my favorite Hotlinks of the day. Here we go...

1. A guy on Craigslist realizes he has become creepy weirdo halfway through his post.

2. Possibly the dumbest and most annoying thing on the Internet...but it's funny, too.

3. Commercial for the first laptop made exclusively for looking at filthy porn.

4. An answer to the question "why do people not trust our government?"

5. An entry for the ongoing 'Most Redneck Myspace' contest.

That's your top 5 for the day, hope you like them. Oh, and remember, if you're looking for R-Rated links, they're in the R-Rated section. Perv.

With the state of education today it's no surprise that most of you have to get your knowledge from the Internet. But who am I to try to change the education system? Instead, I will do my best to teach you about all the important information which will greatly affect your future life. I hope you're ready to learn something.

United States Presidents Who Have Personally Killed Other Human Beings

It's my job to go over the submitted hotlinks every morning and pick the best ones for the day's batch.

The full list is to the right, but here are my favorites for today (#1 being the best).

1. An idiotic "Better Together" option on Amazon's Scarface DVD listing

2. Ridiculous Pogo Stick tricks

3. The Voice of Olmec from "Legends of the Hidden Temple" discovered

4. Haley Joel Osment's official arrest report...a DUI and possession, ouch.

5. A dude who, beyond a doubt, is going to Hell. Even if hell doesn't exist, this dude is going there.

LATE ENTRY: It wasn't a Hotlink today but it's too good to pass up. The Borat movie has pissed off the Prime Minister of Kazakhstan enough that he's booked a trip to the US to have a sit down with President Bush. The Prime Minister wants to run a series of educational PSA's touting the "Real Kazakhstan" to combat the bad press that Borat's woman-crushing, dog-killing and Jew-down-the-well-ing has drummed up. Think I'm kidding? I'm Not.

Sept 15th - Stop calling your friends from home every night.
They care as much about the awesome party you went to as you care about their awesome new roommates. Take a deep breath, hang up the phone and refuse to talk to anyone from home until Thanksgiving break. Yes, that includes you parents, too.

Sept 24th - Stop talking to move-in week friends.
Don't worry, they were just placeholders for real friends and you were the same to them. No harm, no foul. You can look forward to years of awkward nods in the dining hall with these rejected pals.

Oct 1st - Start feeling out ideas for group Halloween costume.
Sure, going as "I'll f-ck anything" Smurf is cool, but showing up with the rest of Smurf village is ten times cooler. Basically, you need to find a group of reliable friends who won't want to split up on Halloween. After all, nobody is going to think one Tetris peice is anything special.

Oct 17th - Kill off your first fictional family member to get out of a test.
It's important not to kill off a fake family too soon in the semester. You need to establish a rapport with your professors before you get any sympathy out of him/her. Think about it this way: when some random homeless guy asks you for money you kick him or spit at him, but if that homeless guy was your cousin you'd probably throw him a few cents. Understand?

Oct 18th - First 'Free Day' of the year.
I mean, you have to go to the "funeral," right?

Nov 1st - Piece together Halloween night.
It's like you and all your friends are detectives trying to solve the Case of the Drunken Adventure. You went out last night dressed as Ron Burgundy but woke up wearing an enormous diaper with half your head shaved. How did that happen? See how many mysteries of the morning you and your fellow gumshoes at the Hangover Detective Agency can solve!

Nov 10th - Put in phone call to high school ex-girlfriend.
It's almost Thanksgiving break and you're going to need to get some at home. There's no point in trying to hook up with someone new at home, just go with what you know. But you really should call and let her know that you two will be doing it again when you both get home. Cross your fingers and hope that she didn't get fat like you did.

December 2nd - My birthday
Ya know, just so you remember...

Leave your captions in the comments section. I have a good feeling about this one...

Easily one of the most depressing industries you can wind up in is the celebrity look alike business. But what's even worse than being a celebrity look alike is being a B-List celebrity look alike. Nothing screams 'unfulfilled dreams' quite like making a career out of pretending to be the other guitar player from Guns n' Roses.

Your mission is to find the funniest B-List celebrity look alike. I'm talking real B-list: Gloria Estefan, the "Dude, you're getting a Dell" kid, that Miz guy (Mike, maybe?) from Real World "Back to New York", etc...

Leave your results in the comments formatted like this...

(celebrity name):(Link)
example...
Carrot Top: www.MyLifeIsAWaste.com

Here's a few links to help get you started:

Man, Suri Cruise (Tom Cruise and Kate Holmes' baby) is Emo as hell. I even found her MySpace, check it out.

Click image for Suri's full MySpace profile

You know the deal, leave your captions in the comments section.

The re-done Facebook.com is the biggest story hitting college campuses today. A lot of the new features are getting some serious negative feedback, which we think is just ridiculous. If you think the new stuff is bad, you should see what features they almost made.



Scheduling Feature



Very Personal User Search



Customized Feeds



See, It could have been worse...

Forget Suri Cruise. Forget the new Facebook. Our friends over at Egotastic have what will prove to be the biggest thing to ever hit the Internet: Lindsay Lohan's downstairs.

This is one of those pivotal moments in human history like walking on the moon or when Takeru Kobayashi ate more than 50 hot dogs at the 4th of July Hot Dog-a-Thon. Early predictions about the effect these pictures will have on the world are overwhelmingly positive: reduced greenhouse gasses, cheaper oil prices and an end to Middle Eastern violence, to name a few.

Of course, they could just be photoshops... decide for yourself.

UPDATE: Bummer...

If you're a sick bastard who gets his kicks laughing at the misfortunes of others, then check out The Perry Bible Fellowship. It's an awesome online cartoon that will have your black heart bursting with laughter.



See, I told you so.

For more Perry Bible Fellowship, check out the official site.

Tell me, who will hunt the crocs now?

Because nothing is funnier than your fat child slowly slipping to his death!

Dear Mr. Zuckerberg,

After checking many of the profiles on your website, I feel it is my duty to inform you that there are some serious errors present.

Stacey Hessinger's profile claims she is married to Elizabeth Kreuter, a member of her sorority. This statement is false. A word search for Ms. Hessinger's name informs us that she is in a steady relationship with one Terrence Penn, and has been for quite some time. Also, Ms. Hessinger's profile contains some spelling errors; "hott," "rawk," and "kewl" are the three that jump out at me immediately. Perhaps your editors missed those.

12. All the hot girls will eat huge salads covered in egg whites and balsamic vinegarette dressing. Sure, you may think it's cool that they watch what they eat but get closer to them. Do you smell that? I bet you do. Eat enough salad, like these girls, and you'll stink like rotting vegetables as your pores begin to secrete luquid compost. Not so hot anymore, huh?

11. They put laxatives in the food. Seriously. Explains a lot, doesn't it.

10. 80% of the staff at your dining hall openly resent you; the other 20% harbor a smoldering, subtle contempt for your arrogant appraoch to the salad bar and your constant criticism of bagel freshness.