It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR.  See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires.  And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• Lose an eye or a leg? From Tom
  
• Have your eyelids sewn open or sewn shut? From Josh
• Get handed a $100,000 check at the beginning of every year or know everything on Wikipedia?
• Not be able to taste sugar or not be able to taste salt? From Keith
• Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, or be cursed to always use proverbs in the wrong context?
• Be the leading scientist in your field or get mad cow disease? From Daniel
  
• Stick the tip of your penis into scalding hot spaghetti sauce or eat the sauce after someone else put their junk in it? From Sam
• Eat a live squid or a dead puppy?
• Be thrown down with the sodomites or keep doing the warden's taxes? From Aaron
• Have invented the slam dunk or invented beer pong?
• Be the worst player in the NBA or the best player in the WNBA? From Verde
• Have chicks refer to your sexual ability as "the best two minutes of my life" or "the worst two hours"? From Tyson
• Only be allowed to eat soda, pizza, and french fries (but it’s healthy) or continue your current diet?
• Be on the first experimental space tourism flight or the second?
• Have three goldfish-size dolphins or one cat-size mountain gorilla? From Chris

And the winner of the "I Sent An Email To The Wrong Address" Award is Tim, who sent this to me.  Subj: Matt's party

• You goin?  Are you gonna get beers before or is matt gonna get them?  Lemme know dude.

Congrats, Tim.  You've confused me with one of your friends!  Better be a little more careful with your email's auto-complete feature.  Oh, and get beers before.  You can never be too careful. 

Send your best WYR's to Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com

Nothing says cool like getting booted from school.  And since celebrities are very, very cool the transative property states that a bunch of them must have gotten ejected from our fine learning institutions.  Wouldn't you know it, the property doesn't lie!  Mental Floss and I are about to drop some knowledge about...

Celebrity Expulsions

Owen Wilson got suspended from his Texas high school for stealing the answer book off his geometry teacher’s desk. Apparently, no lesson was learned, though, and the bad boy celeb went on to pursue a life of (academic) crime. According to Wes Anderson, the Rushmore director once wrote an A+ English paper for his college roommate in exchange for the biggest room in their house. Upon discovering the ruse, the professor shattered Wilson's nose with a brutal thunder-punch.

Point: The Beretta 92 9mm is the best handgun on the market.

Beretta has done it again with this fantastic new addition to their handgun lineup.  The redesigned 92 is everything you could want in a full size pistol: a 10 round magazine, a comfortable 34.4 oz frame and a responsive action.  The Italian design easily trumps anything Colt has put out in the last ten years and, though it is beautiful, efficiency is still the first priority.  I worked through 200 rounds without a single misfire and, best of all, little to no kickback (making rapid fire a feasible possibility).  I dare you to find another pistol that combines the responsiveness, beauty and seamless execution of the Beretta 92 9mm.  It is easily the best handgun on the market.
 

Counterpoint: The Beretta 92 9mm is nothing special.

I completely disagree. In my opinion, the

When I first heard that NyQuil was making a cough-specific formula I was skeptical.  Was NyQuil just going to change the color of the liquid, slap on a new label and sell me the same old thing?  Apparently not.  I can now say that after trying the product it really is tailored to soothing an irritating cough.  As for the taste, I am detecting something sweet, something artificial coating my mouth.  It's almost like Sweet-n-Low, but much thicker.  It went down smooth but now, five minutes later, I still feel it coating the back of my throat (a good sign in a cough medicine).  I have to say that I've nmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

A) Drake University, Des Moines, IA
Submitted by Danny


B) The University of Rhode Island, Kingston, RI
Submitted by Mike

In my intro to applied geometry (a gen-ed course)

Professor: What is the quickest route between two points?
Boy Wonder: A Black hole?
Professor: Class dismissed.

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR.  See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires.  And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• Have one huge tooth made up from all your other teeth or one huge finger the size of your hand?
• Have something green stuck in your front teeth forever or unexpectedly bite the side of your mouth during every meal? From jason
  
• Be roommates with Nick Cannon or Carlos Mencia? From Anthony
  
• Have no Facebook or no AIM?
• ?Have everything you read be a palindrome or ro emordnilap a eb daer uoy gnihtyreve evah?
• Have sex with a girl who's 300 pounds of fat or 400 pounds of muscle? From Joshua
  
• Never masturbate again or have a guy give you a handjob twice a week forever?
• Have your tongue doubled in length or your teeth doubled in length? From Mike
  
• Be able to control your dreams or control your bowels?
•   Have hair just on the back half of your head of your head or just on the front half?
• Eat a live squid or eat a dead puppy?
• Serve under Captain Morgan or Cap'n Crunch? From Justin
  
• Study abroad in Darfur or rural Canada?
• Have a permanent frown or a permanent huge smile?
• Be a weak man or a strong woman? From Shawn
  
• Eat all of your meals at Applebees for the rest of your life or work as a waiter at Applebees for the rest of your life?

And this week's winner of the "Yup, I'm High" award goes to Greg, who sent in these...

• Would you rather have a hamster sized rhino, or a rhino sized hamster?
  
  Grow stumps of wings that cannot fly, or gill slits that cannot work?
  
  Be stranded on an island forever with a mermaid, or a reverse mermaid? (fish top with woman bottom)

Greg also asked me to see if any of you guys know where he could score some clean pee. 
Send your best WYR's to Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com

Put your learning hats on, kids, because it's raining knowledge.  This week Mental Floss and I are teaming up to teach you about...

Marijuana Milestones

1200 (B.C.): Cannabis has been around for a while, but the 1200’s marks the first time it’s mentioned in religious Hindu texts. Dubbed one of five sacred plants, it’s consumed in religious ceremonies worshipping the god Shiva. Shiva, of course, is the God of Just Chilling.

1600’s (A.D.): Farmers are encouraged to grow hemp in burgeoning American colonies for rope, sails and clothing. Hemp is even accepted as legal tender in Pennsylvania, Maryland and Virginia.  George Washington supposedly grew the sticky weed  at his plantation, which would explain all the camo netting and growing lamps I saw when I visited Mount Vernon last year. 

Things look a little different when you're drunk...

Every red blooded American loves to grill.  Unfortunately for you, your RA is anything but American.  I heard he was born in Portugal.  Ugh, what a dickhead!  The second his nose detects the smell of well-marbled, fat-reduced freedom, he’ll be practically girl-punching his way through your door to catch you in the unholy act of cooking food to eat.  Good thing you have a plan. 

We want to know...

One of my favorite shows on TV is 30 Rock. If you've never seen it, you're missing out on something fantastic.  If you have seen it you're no doubt familiar with Katrina Bowden, the ultra-sexy secretary, Cerie, who only dates guys who drink Snapple.  As a Snapple-drinking, red-blooded American male I was no doubt excited when she agreed to our request for an interview.  Below is what we talked about.

Do you watch Studio 60?  If so, what do you think of it?
No, I don't watch Studio 60, I've actually only seen half of one episode.

You were in a Fallout Boy video.  Was Pete Wentz as odd in person as he comes across in the media?  Did he try to bite you or borrow your eye makeup?
Working with fall out boy was really fun..they are all really nice guys.  Pete Wentz had plenty of his own eye makeup so there was no real need for me to keep mine under close watch- but my lip gloss was a completely different story. He only tried to bite me once.
 

2 episodes ago everyone sits around and plays Boff, Dump or Marry.  A) Who in your cast would you pick for each in real life and B) Was it weird to say “Boff” instead of “Do”?
Hmm, marry, boff, kill for my fellow 30 Rockers? Well, I'd marry Alec Baldwin because he's Alec Baldwin, I'd boff no one because I have an amazing boyfriend, and I'd kill Judah Friedlander so I could take his impressive hat collection.
Yes, it was kind of strange saying "boff" instead of do. I mean, who even uses the term "boff"?

A) University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA
Submitted by Greg

In a class called animal virology, talking about the different kinds of viruses. 

Girl who never puts her hand down: "What kind of virus is bacteria?"
Professor: "You should drop this class."

B) University of Massachusetts, Dartmouth, MA
Submitted by Brett

During my Ethics class today...
 
Professor: So there are 5 people that need organs, and they will die tomorrow if they don't receive a transplant.  A healthy person comes in for a routine check up.  Is it right to kill him and use his organs to save the others?
Dumbass:  How can you live without lungs, a heart and kidneys?
Professor: You can't.  That's why this is an ethics course.

The first round of voting for America's Hottest College Girl begins today!  We have three match ups in the North bracket. Click to cast your vote now. 

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR.  See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires.  And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• Be constantly sweating or constantly shivering?
• Be the lead in a genital herpes commercial or an HIV commercial? From Nick
• Get beaten by a tube sock filled with batteries or a thermal sock also filled with batteries?
• Have to wear 2 hoop nose rings for the rest of your life or have a tattoo on the small of your back with an arrow pointing down saying "this way to the party"? From Mike
• Make love to your sister while knowing she was your sister or your brother while not knowing he was your brother? From J-Willy
• Live free or die hard? From Cory
• Be able to fly slower than you can walk, or only be able to see through ugly people's clothes? From Billy
• See Norbit or have been involved in the production of Norbit? From Jeff
• Know the meaning of life and not be able to tell anyone, or have everyone know the meaning of life besides you? From Iain
• Live in Jack Bauer's LA or the island from Lost?
• Marry Paris Hilton or accidentally hit her with your car?
• Get a bad handjob from you grandma or get a good handjob from your grandma? From Kent
• Get rich or die trying? From 50
  

And the winner Of The "I Hit Send Before I Was Done Typing" Award goes to Tim, who sent in this:

• Would you rather smell like fish every day for a year

Thanks for the incomplete thought, Tim!

Send your best WYR's to Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com

It's that time of the week again, the time when Mental Floss and I team up to teach you something important.  This week we're going to take a little test.  See if you can match the famous person to their drink of choice. 

1	Janis Joplin		A	Jack Daniels
2	Queen Elizabeth II		B	Daiquiris
3	Hunter S. Thompson		C	Port Wine
4	L.B.J.		D	Southern Comfort
5	Frank Sinatra		E	Scotch and Soda
6	Earnest Hemingway		F	Lemon Drop martini
7	Oprah		G	Whiskey on the Rocks
8	Rush Limbaugh		H	Johnny Walker Red
9	Winston Churchill		I	Wild Turkey
10	Saddam Hussein		J	Gin and Tonic

Answers after the jump

Do you think you may be the World's Worst Boyfriend?  Do you think you have the World's Worst Boyfriend?  To capture this esteemed honor, send us a paragraph (200 words max) about your plans for Valentine's Day.  Are you planning on taking her to wrestling match?  Dinner at Arbys?  The student center for some foosball?  If you think your girlfriend will hate it, we want to hear about it. 

Send you entries to WorldsWorstBoyfriend@Gmail.com 

We'll post our favorites tomorrow and let you guys vote on them.  Winner - or loser, depending on how you look at it - gets a free BustedTee.

A) University of Illinois, Chicago, IL
Submitted by Curtis

Professor: Semester grades will be posted online sometime tomorrow afternoon.
Prom Queen: So like...11-ish?

B) Louisiana State University,  Baton Rouge, LA
Submitted by Kyle

In anatomy class...
   
Professor:I am double jointed in my elbows so I can lock my hands, step over them, and pull them up to behind my head but I can't get them over my head because I am not double jointed in my shoulders.
Mr. 4.0: So how do you get them back up front?
Professor: *sigh*

Hey guys, you know when you go out with your friends and you're all too scared to talk to hot girls so instead you sit in the corner and decide which of the girls is the hottest?  Well, now you don't even have to go to bar! 

Fill out your America's Hottest College Girl Fantasy Bracket now! Try and guess which girl will advance to the final four and then go on to win the entire thing. If you make your picks wisely you could win:

1st Place: $1,000 cash prize
2nd Place: $500 cash prize
3rd Place: $250 cash prize
Top 20 contestants get a free BustedTee

All you need to submit a fantasy bracket is a CollegeHumor account.  If you don't have one, it takes one minute...NO, Less than a minute, to make one.  DO IT!

Voting starts February 19th, so get those brackets filled out quick. 

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR.  See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires.  And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• Have a fully functional third ear on the top of your head or a fully functional third nostril in between the already existing two? From Katie
• Never read a book for the rest of your life or have to read 1 a month or you die?
• Poop a softball or piss a marble? From Dan
• Have your boss be Michael Scott from "The Office" or Bob Kelso from "Scrubs"?
  
• Wake up after a drunken night with "white trash" tattooed on the back of your neck or "douche bag"? From Cassie
• Never listen to another song in your entire life or never watch another tv show?
• Throw up twice a day for the rest of your life, or always have diarrhea?
  
• Marry a pretty girl and know she's sleeping with all your friends or marry an ugly girl and know she's faithful? From  Caleb
• (For the ladies) Be felt up by someone with 7 fingers on each hand or 7 fingers total? From Rachel
• Have sex with Rosie O'Donell alone or Jessica Alba with your parents watching? From Sam
• Get a handjob from Jessica Alba or a blowjob from Minnie Driver?
  
• Find an onion ring in your fries or a fry in your onion rings? From Mike
• Have an incurable lisp or an incurable nervous tick?
  
• Have Jagged irritating boogers that you can't pick for the rest of your life or a nonstop flow of snot forever. From Alex
• Be five hundred pounds overweight or dead?
• Farting or burping be socially acceptable to do in public?

And the winner of the Didn't Get It Award goes to Tom, who sent in this.

• Would you have sex with your grandma for a million dollars?

Way to go, Tom!

Send your best WYR's to Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com

Our nationwide network of spies managed to snag this video of Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg performing 'Dick In A Box' live on stage at Madison Square Garden last night. 

Hey, check it out, it's our old friend Alison Becker, who'll be bringing us Morning After Lost articles every Thursday morning.  Let's all say hi.

If so, I've got the thing to give your special lady!

Two new ones from Chris and Jonathan.

A) University of Connecticut, Storrs, CT
Submitted by Osborn

We are reading an autobiography of Mary Rowlandson - who was held hostage
by Indians.

The Brilliance: So wait...I didn't read the end. Does she end up dying?
Professor: Well, she did go on to write the book, so what do you think?

B) Ball State University, Muncie, IN
Submitted bu Justin

In political science class talking about the constitution and amendments.

Blondie: Do you have a list of the rights that we have as Americans?
Professor:  Well the Bill of Rights outlines that very well.

To: [All Family]; [All Friends]
Subj: Friday Night from 8:45 - 10:15

Hey everybody,

It's been a while since I've seen a lot of you guys, so I thought I'd invite all of you over to my house on Friday night from 8:45 till 10:15.  It's gonna be so much fun.  I rented all kinds of DVDs and I have a ton of board games. Boggle, anyone? Plus, free brewskies!  My cable isn't working so we can't watch TV, but who cares, right?  Most stuff on TV is just lies.  I mean, they call it "reality TV" but that's definitely not really what happened.  They ruin people's lives just to get ratings, you know?

Anyway, I really need you to arrive at precisely 8:45 and leave no sooner than 10:15. OK? I just feel like anything less than that won't be enough to really hang out.  And I miss you guys!  Like Bill – last time I saw your family, little Charlotte could only have been 6 or 7!  And Brian- Are you still a lawyer? We're such good buds that I know I would do all your taxes for free no matter what my boss says, just like I know you would represent me pro bono if I needed you to. That's why we’ve all gotta hang out for exactly that hour and a half.

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR.  See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires.  And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• Would you rather be unattractive, or be attractive but not able to show up in photographs?
• Be blind but able to see the future, or deaf but able to read people's minds? From Jay
• Have herpes around your whole mouth, or have your face completely covered in pimples with no space in between each one? From Kevin
• Be able to rewind real life, or fast-forward it? From Liger
• Dig out your kneecaps with a rusty spoon, or be forced to watch Norbit every day for the rest of your life? From Zach
• Have a 30% chance of getting the death penalty, or a 70% chance of going to jail for 25 years?
• Make out with your sister, or your sister's boyfriend? From Mathew
• Be mauled to death by a pack of bears, or trampled to death by a stampede of colts? From Kevzilla
• Get your penis stuck in a red toaster, or get your penis stuck in a blue toaster? From Andrew
• Always have something stuck in your eye, or always have a pulled back?
  
• Have your dad leave your mom for another man, or have your mom leave your dad for one of your friends? From Bongani

And this week's winner for Most Painful is Joshua, who sent in this cringer.

• Would you rather have a rubber band shot in each eye everyday for
  the rest of your life, or have two fingernails broke halfway off
  with a beer bottle opener once a week for the rest of your life?

Thanks Josh, you're a sadist! 

Send your best WYR's to Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com

MentalFloss and I are back after a week off to teach more of that oh-so-valuable knowledge your brains crave.  This week, why don't we learn about...



The Beatles’ “Helter Skelter”
The Dirty Secret: Despite what Charles Manson would have you believe, the song had nothing to do with Satan or an impending race war. The truth is Paul McCartney just wanted to come up with the “loudest, nastiest, sweatiest rock number we could,” so he got his inspiration from the most twisted thing he could think of – a playground slide. Seriously. Tall, twisting slides on British playgrounds are called “helter skelters.”  Also, "fanny" means vagina and "fag" means cigarette.  It's an odd little island. 

Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”
The Dirty Secret: It’s all about deodorant. Well, deodorant and heartbreak. According to Charles Cross’ biography, before he was into Courtney Love, Kurt Cobain dated Toby Vail of Bikini Kill. When she dumped him, the grunge king spiraled into depression. One night, while hanging out at Cobain’s pad, Vail’s band mate got sick of the site of his moping, so she took a can of spray paint and scrawled “Kurt smells like Teen Spirit,” across the wall. Apparently, Teen Spirit was the deodorant Vail used, and Cobain stunk of the scent.  Courtney Love, then as now, just stank like sh*t.