Very often, college presents a new challenge to long-term high school couples. You and your significant other may find yourselves questioning frequently how things will work out in the upcoming months when presented with the freedom to do what (or who) ever you want when ( or how) ever you want. After a year of experience in the high school to college relationship field, I was able to learn much about the issue. If after careful discussion and proper relationship analysis you and your significant other decide to give staying together a shot, here are a few simple guidelines to follow to make sure the opposite sex takes absolutely no interest in you as to avoid any unnecessary drama.

10.) Embrace the 15. There is nothing sexy about pulling jellyrolls out from behind your shirt and rocking a double chin.

9.) Grow a thick, bushy beard. Because the only people that fall into both categories of “Getting Fucked” and “Sporting a Thick, Bushy Beard” are the cavemen doing the Geico commercials.

8.) Don’t shower. Malodor is a fantastic way for boys to say “Hey ladies.. I’m taken!” without even having to open their mouth or engage the opposite sex in conversation. The only consequence is that your choice of friends will be limited to other “takens” that follow in your footsteps and don’t shower for the same reason.

7.) Act too smart. No girl is going to go out of her way to blow the guy who’s done all of the course’s reading. Why would anyone want to reward the douche who’s fucking up the curve for 45 other people?

6.) Act too stupid. No girl is going to go out of her way to blow the guy in the corner who just may have a low enough IQ to pass as legally retarded. If you pull this off well enough you may be able to convince girls that even the slightest sexual advances on their part would constitute a crime due to your severe mental handicap, because there are laws against that in college. Give it a try!

5.) Be too politically involved. Proudly sport a “I Helped Save Darfur!” shirt daily..because being a compassionate, loving pussy means getting none at all.

4.) Attempt to convince everyone that you are a D & D Dungeon Master. I've had trouble in the past finding girls who are turned on by a 20 year old dressed in druid’s robes speaking in Elvish tongue..and believe me I've been looking.

3.) Don’t drink at all. One drink leads to two, two drinks leads to nine, and the next thing you know some girl who’s name you don’t even remember has her hands down your pants as you’re motor boating her mammoth bosoms in the corner of a frat party while your best buds film the night’s scandal and post it on YouTube.

2.) Drink in excess. To the point where you can’t even walk straight or feel any limbs. Spend 1/3 of the night on a bar stool and the other 2/3 hugging your new love: the toilet. And pray that the ugly girls have the decency to not take advantage of you while passed out. But hey, that’s not really cheating..

1.) Play World of Warcraft. This was my personal choice. World of Warcraft acts as a repellant towards a vast majority of the female sex. When girls ask to hang out, study, or go to the cafeteria, just tell them you’ll meet up with them after you finish slaying a dragon with 39 of the finest and bravest people you met over the internet. If she tries to question this, get you out of it in any way, or continue the conversation, tell her you’re the group’s healer and that you need to get back to the game fast because everyone is about to die and you’re too broke to repair your armor. Wearing World of Warcraft apparel is also a marvelous way to keep girls away. Shirts like “Rogues Do It From Behind!” or “Mages Don’t Need Illegal Date Rape Substances To Get Laid ... They Use Magic!” work wonders. By some miracle if the girl still shows any interest in you, romantic or friendly, you should probably suggest she get her head checked at the school’s medical facility.

Now sure, you could always opt with incorporating the fact that you’re in a serious relationship into conversation with each girl you meet at school, but lets be serious now.. where’s the fun in that? Also, girls are ruthless and cutthroat monsters and most of the time “In A Relationship” on your Facebook will only make them less blunt about their interests and won’t stop them from secretly witching you into their possession

See if you can match the face to the embarrassing event! Answers after the jump.

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• Fight one hundred kindergarteners or one extremely jacked guy? From Tom
• Slice like a ninja or cut like a razor blade? From Vanilla
• See your parents having kinky sex or see your grandparents having normal sex? From Linh
• Always have your fingers be sticky or greasy? From Falcon
  
• Get a tattoo of a wiener on your nose or a tattoo of a nose on your wiener? From Lindsay
• Live in a world where people only speak 300 quotes or Borat quotes? From Halu
• Watch your hot cousin eat a popsicle or watch your ugly cousin undress? From Rolph
• Have to take freezing cold or scalding hot showers for the rest of your life? From Chris
• Live free to die hard? From John

Finally, this week's winner of the Melt My Mind Award is Amnon, who sent in this.

• Can I please be the winner of the "Can I please be the winner of the Award?" award?

Way to go, Amnon, you bugged me out.

Send your best WYRs to Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com

In an effort to show our younger readers a little bit of what college is all about, we hereby declare this Orientation Week on CollegeHumor. All week we'll be posting articles - new ones, old ones and ones from our Guide to College - all about that magical time known as Freshman year. Also, be sure to check out the results of our Freshman Year Survey RIGHT HERE.

Now, everybody sit in a circle and say one thing you really enjoy doing...BUT it has to start with the same letter as your first name!

This is what happens when corporations change pwn3rship.

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• Poop pretty good blueberries or plums that were the best thing you've ever eaten? From Jake
• Live long or prosper? From Andrew
• Be 4' 9" or 8' 10"?
  
• Listen to an endless loop of Creed or Nickelback? From Jason
• Be able to hook up with everyone from the hottest 1% of the opposite gender, or anyone from the other 99%? From Patrick
• Look like Tay Zonday or sound like Tay Zonday? From Joe
• Have to chew food 100 times before you could swallow it or every time you were thirsty you could only suck on an ice cube until it melted? From Popcorn
• Be covered in bruises or covered in scratches?
  
• Have friends who spend all your money, or no friends at all? From Kyle
• Eat a Jelly-fish or drink one? From Luke
• Feel a little bit worse every single day or your life or feel the worst you can feel today and have it get a little bit better everyday?
  
• Live your life to the soundtrack of 300 or Saturday Night Fever? From Matt

Finally, this week's winner of the Eloquent Complainer Award is Martin, who sent in this.

• hey fagget, ur gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
  

Thanks, Martin! Nice job using all those big boy words!

Send your best WYRs to Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com

This month I had the pleasure of asking Miss September, Patrice Hollis, some very important questions. Patrice is 25, lives in Vegas and has 34DDD boobs. Interesting...

1. What is funnier and why: a kid walking into a glass door and falling down or a grown man falling down and instantly getting back up going “I’m fine…I’m fine.”
I think a man falling is funnier because he's more embarrassed.

2. What is sexier in a guy: ability to ski very well or ability to snowboard very well?
Either one as long as he doesn't fall.

3. What is the most food you’ve ever eaten at once?
A large pizza but then I had to sleep at the table because I couldn't move!

4. Gross. Did you get to choose how much of your body to show in the pictures or is that something Playboy decides?
Playboy decides, but they make sure you are comfortable.

Hey...hey guys, check out this hat! Haha. What's cookin' good lookin'? Brotha, can ya spare a dime? So funny. Oh man, can you believe, like, our grandfathers wore this kind of retarded hat around for real? Man, how they managed to find girls willing to bone them is beyond me! Why I oughta! Haha. Oh man, I can't believe this was just laying around! This hat is so mine.

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Two days later
Oh dude, remember that hat I found the other day? I was wearing it this morning and...yeah, I just, like, laid it on my bedside table last night and then put it on when I woke up or whatever...and it makes my hair do this awesome flippy thing. No, I'm not gay, dickhead, I'm just saying. See how my hair is kind of flipping out today? It's from wearing that hat. Chrissy said it looked good, too. I mean, yeah, that hat is gay as sh*t, but you can't deny my hair looks straight slamming today.

On July 20th, 1969, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin became the first humans to walk to on the moon. A third crew member, Michael Collins, piloted the command module which remained in orbit around the moon. This is a transcript of communications sent by Collins to Armstrong and Aldrin.

Gateway Favor - The seemingly inconsequential first favor you do for a new friend which opens the door for that friend to ask more, bigger favors of you in the future

Ex: "Kevin asked me to help him move yesterday. I didn't realize that picking up his laundry for him 2 months ago was such a gateway favor."

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Do you want to help expand the English language? Email me your submission and definition at streeter.seidell @ Gmail.com with the subject "Words"