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  • Typical Day at Work

    by rob August 13, 2007

    TYPICAL DAY AT WORK
    (names have been altered to protect the identities of these fine people)

    4 45
    walk in, fifteen minutes late. Greeted with a "there he is!" "whats up Hot Rod?!" by my alcoholic male boss, James

    4 46
    Am completely caught off guard by a horny and drunk Mary, my female boss. Am thanked profusely for something arbitrary i did, or jokingly reprimanded for letting half the ingredients go bad from the night before.

    5 15
    go outside for my first delivery, am greeted by coke heads smoking pot blatently outside the bar next door.

    5 30
    curse the a hole living at covered wagon for his forty cent tip.

    6 10
    Mary walks in with a huge dildo sticking out of her pants. Staggering backwards, i hear "If you boys are bad, Im gonna punish you!" with appropriate thrusting.

    6 30
    drink a Steel Reserve. down it with gusto

    7 05
    eat 20 dollars worth of food. watch scrubs or to catch a predator. Think it would be funny to have a show called "to catch a guy who is trying to catch predators". busted, Chris Hanson.

    7 40
    Get in car for a delivery. Am flashed a bare ass by my boss Mary, who happens to be commando. Accelerate and attempt to kill her.

    815
    drink a tallboy of milwakees beast. Am enlightened by James: "Pussy is like Pizza. Its all good, but some is better than others" Contemplate that for a while.

    9 00
    Am pissed at Frank, the high school meathead, who wont stop talking about his beersluts. an order comes in for A Mexican Pizza. call him a Lazy Beaner, and make Speedy Gonzales noises and sing some Cheech and Chong while he dutifully makes it.

    915
    drink a coors light.

    10 00
    close down for the night. Before, that some wierd homeless looking people stagger in and ask to eat some ham. Friends of James'

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  • Compiled Quotes from my Foreign Mom

    by rob August 01, 2007

    my foreign mom-you should keep your warm jacket in your car, in case it breaks down and you get strangled somewhere
    me- wow



    (at church. deacon bud is performing the service)
    my foreign mom- dick-in butt is doing the homily today
    me- ????

    my foreign mom-I can only fuck-us at one thing at a time!
    me- focus?! its focus!

    my foreign mom- here i made these chicken tights for you
    me-....... thighs?!

    me- i don't do mornings
    my foreign mom- thats so bad, too sad!

    my foreign mom- do you need some chopstick for your lips?

    my foreign mom- whats your gps this quarter?


    my foreign mom- if people that age are old, what does that make me? an old gizzard?


    (on the phone with cingular tech support about her razr and using tweezers to get the SIM card out of her nokia)
    my foreign mom- ok so the i-zor will be here on monday? what? sorry im using some twizers... i mean twizzlers.

    (saying grace)
    my foreign mom- ... about to recieve, from Thy bouncy, through christ our lord amen.

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