Articles from University of Colorado

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Childhood Games Translated into Adulthood

by Tyson Bennett April 29, 2007

Have you ever been sitting on your couch watching TV with a beer in one hand and a bong in the other and said to yourself "LOLz wtf happened to my 1337 childh00d?" Those beloved memories and pointless, yet wildly amusing games didn't disappear, they just changed to accommodate your questionably more mature existence. Here are some examples:

Heads Up Seven Up: Instead of trying to peep up your teacher's skirt while pretending to have your eyes closed, you are now on the set of Maury trying to guess which piece of white trash got you pregnant.

Cops vs. Robbers: Shiz real maynnn.

Hot Potato: That semi-fat chick who is kinda do-able when you are completely throwed, but when you wake up the next morning you drop it like it's hot and pawn her off on your roommate.

Musical Chairs: See above, but with slightly less guilt and slightly more gonorrhea.

FOOD FIGHT!!!: JELLO/PUDDING/MUD WRESTLING!!!

Don't Wake Daddy: Really dude, don't wake him.

Twister: Naked Twister.

Slip n Slide: Naked Slip n Slide.

Monkey Bars: Titty bars.

Hi-Ho Cherry-o: More fun but a lot harder find, and potentially a little messy. Secret Cheat Code: "I Love You."

Where do Babies Come From: "I promise babe, you really can't get pregnant your first time."

Cowboys vs. Indians: Bush on border control.

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How Not to Write a Term Paper

by Klaus April 05, 2007

Well, spring break is over, and now it's back to school and, unfortunately, term papers. Now, I'm sort of an expert at writing bad papers, seeing as most of the papers I write are terrible. That being said, here's what not to do when writing a paper.

1. Don't photocopy a chapter out of Moby Dick. It seems that most professors are familiar with the works of Herman Melville or, at the very least, papers that start with "Call me Ishmael." I recommend a less well known book, especially one that is not a work of fiction. Try something related to the class.

2. Don't smear blood on your paper. You would think that your professor would be reluctant to fail someone they suspect of being psychotic, but apparently they just consider it bad form, as well as hard to read.

3. Don't say anything blatantly offensive. Though many things can be protected under free speech, things like "We should make all orphans into sex slaves" makes you look sick and doesn't really have anything to do with your physics final.

4. Don't attach a $5 bill to your paper. Try, like, a 20, you cheap asshole.

5. Don't turn in a ransom note. You will probably get arrested for kidnapping, and that will only be made worse when they find the orphans chained up in your basement. And why would you do that, anyways?

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