Articles from Michigan State

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  • IF YOU LIKE BEER PONG AND FLIP CUP YOU WILL LOVE THIS GAME!!!!!!!!!!

    by Justin James April 13, 2007

    YO..so the other night my buddy and i were playing beer pong all fucked up and we came up with the greatest game ever.  If you like beer pong, flip cup, and to drink alot of beers than this is the game for you.

    The Game is called BEER FLIP!

    What you need:
    Four cups total (beer pong cups)
    Ping Pong balls
    Beerpong table
    Beer (alot of it)

    The game is one on one pong.
    Each person gets two cups on each side of their table and they are racked in a "I" form.
    One beer is poured evenly  between the two cups. (one beer for two cups)
    The game is set up now.
    So its played like beer pong shoot the ball at the cups.
    If someone makes a cup you drink.
    Now when the last cup is made on either side than both players must drink a beer and its a race and the first one who flips their cup wins the game.
    It doesnt matter if you didnt make a cup, whoever flips the cup wins
    But no matter what  everyone has to finsh whatever beer is left from that game before a new game starts.

    This is a great game for a few friends to play a get wasted

    I know the directions are sketchy but im a little hungover and stoned so hit me up if your confused.

    4:20

    Peace Love Dope

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  • Secret Hollywood Letter Part Two

    by John Mallory April 12, 2007

    Dear Newest Hollywood Exec


    So, now you’re probably asking yourself, how can I actually create a successful hit? This is a good question, and I’ll give you an example to show you the ropes. Let’s say that some burgeoning filmmaker comes to you with an idea to make a movie based off of the classic Dostoevsky novel Crime and Punishment. Now, right away, you should recognize some problems with the storyline. First, this Raskolnikov character only kills two people in the entire book, what’s scary about that? Second, the name Raskolnikov is too hard to pronounce, it should be shortened to something like Rasko (which would be nice because it sounds a bit like “rascal”). Third, the people he kills are two little old ladies, and only sickos would want to see a film about old lady killing.

    Therefore, I suggest making a few minor changes to the storyline. For starters, ditch the old pawnbroker broad. Instead, wacky Rasko should go on a murdering spree hacking up attractive college co-eds on spring break. This would be great because it would play into the growing fear Americans have with traveling abroad. You may be saying to yourself, that is the stupidest idea ever, that is absolutely nothing like the novel.

    Ah, but just imagine what the movie trailer could look like…

    The trailer starts with a shot of Rasko in his squalid apartment staring out the window, looking down on a group of loud American tourists dancing and drinking down the streets of Moscow. Rasko’s jaw tenses. That intense narrator guy’s voice is heard, saying, “Rasko was once an intellectual, top of his class at university,” the shot shifts to him at the police station with the officer saying, “your landlady tells us you haven’t been paying your rent…” and then the narrator chimes in “until his family lost all of their money.”

    Then we could show a series of shots of him being miserable and alone, taking walks and drinking at bars. Then, the Americans enter the bar and start throwing their money around and ordering rounds of drinks. The narrator says “How far will Rasko be pushed before he snaps…” and the next clip is a close-up of his eyes and the sound of a heart-beat thumping. Then, in an explosion of sound which will startle the unsuspecting audience, there will be an abrupt transition to a shot of Rasko covered in blood wielding an axe while a woman screams, and then the screen fades to black and the words “CRIME AND PUNISHMENT” appear in a bold, bloody font.

    I know what you’re thinking, I’m a genius. Simply get a big name star like Keanu Reaves to play Rasko and we’ve got ourselves a profitable movie. And if that doesn’t make quite enough money, we could always release an extended edition for DVD which would emphasize how it is the “Unrated” version with scenes too gruesome for theaters.Simple, right?

    I hope I have reassured you that there is absolutely nothing to get stressed out about your new job. You see, with movie trailers, a powerful cycle of hope and un-fulfillment is perfectly executed. Audiences come into a film expecting to be entertained by the “ideal film” presented in a preview, and when that movie falls short of expectation, the audience is instead presented with newer, faster, more explosive films coming soon… and, of course, when the next batch of films fail to completely satisfy the viewer, the cycle continues.

    Oh man, if people were to ever figure out how easily we can manipulate them into paying to watch the same old tripe over and over again, if moviegoers were to view our trailers with a more discerning eye, well, I don’t need to tell you how disastrous that could be. We might have to actually make quality films! Ha, good thing that will never happen.

    Best wishes,

    Senior Hollywood Exec

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  • Away Message Analysis

    by #four April 08, 2007
    Lets be honest, if you own a computer, you’ve wasted hours of your life reading the away messages of your friends, ex’s, friends ex’s, kids you went to high school with but never really talked to, and the girl from freshmen year bio class who you used to copy your homework off of. If their name is on your buddy list, odds are you check it close to a dozen times a day.
     
    I’ve done a complete and very thorough analysis of the different types of away messages, and what they reveal about the individual to whom they belong. The following are my oh-so scientific results:
     
    Type A: Obscure quote away message
    Stats: Often appear as Counting Crows songs, or any other mildly depressing lyrics, occasionally are unrecognizable as anything other than suppressed emotions.
    Reveals: The person is trying to either capture the attention of an ex lover, or cultivate a new romance, and their hope is that the intended target will read their away message, decipher its hidden message and act upon it.(break up, get back together, quickie in the study lounge, etc.)
    Prescription: Be more straightforward and tell me what the hell you mean.
     
    Type B: Funny random fact/quip
    Stats: Not unlike the old school Jack Handy deep thoughts, these are often so random that they can be taken as nothing other than humor. 
    Reveals: The person has either come up with something on their own and has been unable to subtly introduce it into conversation, or has heard something funny from an associate and is hoping to take credit for it by regurgitating it to a new audience, his online friends.
    Prescription: Be more original or give credit when credit is due.
     
    Type C: Productive away message
    Example: “Studying…”
    Stats: This merely indicates the person’s intention when they put their away message up originally. This rarely is accurate.
    Reveals: The person is ambitious and hopes that by putting up “At the gym” or something along those lines that they’ll guilt themselves into spinning off the drunken 2:30 burrito that she ordered.
    Prescription: Subscribe to Kanye’s workout plan.
     
    Type D: Informative away message
    Stats: Tells you what the person is doing, or where they are, and nothing else useful. Often includes ‘…’ or their phone number.
    Reveals: Person is bland and uncreative and I no longer want to check their away messages. Generally indicates they are bored and lonely, not just at the time, but in life.
    Prescription: Get drunk before putting your away messages up, they’ll be more entertaining. Actually, just get drunk more often period, it makes for good stories.
     
    Conclusion:
    Yeah, I basically made fun of each type of away message and you’re probably wondering “Aren’t there any away messages I can put up that don’t reveal I’m a loser?” The answer, naturally there are.  Anything Chuck Norris related is acceptable. Links to things I’ll enjoy are acceptable, because if I can’t get a hold of you, I might as well get something out of checking your away message. Useful information such as homework answers, easy girls’ phone numbers, or today’s local bar specials are also acceptable.
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  • Shut the Fuck Up... Ugly Girl

    by Ryan April 08, 2007
    You're ugly... enough said... so stop being upset when those who are not get attention and you don’t. If God wanted people to like you for your looks... he would have given them to you... He figured you were more of a personality person....

    This goes to all the chubbys out there that cry on their pillows at night because they can’t stop stuffing McDonalds in their mouths because their ads are too enticing... No one cares...

    Here is a perfect example of how NO ONE CARES about you or your ugly face and fat ass...

    Natalee Holloway... disappeared in Aruba, and got Media attention for 2 solid months... WHY? She was hot, she was blonde, and she was white.

    If your Fat ass gets hit by a dump truck in the middle of campus... wouldn’t even make the news, in fact the cops wouldn’t even come, they would just tell the guys to load the body in the back with the rest of the garbage.

    Example 2: Anna Nicole Smith... if she died when she was fat... the only word you would have heard across the nation was "Good."
    HOWEVER: She died hot! Therefore, weeks of media coverage ensued.


    Ladies of a lesser appearance and larger ass, there's a reason why you don't get cast in movies and aren’t in commercials for make-up. There’s a reason why a fat CHICK has never won American Idol. We all know that fat black women have the best voices, but they would never win, because who would watch a fat chick on TV?

    WHY DO YOU THINK ROSANNE IS NOT ON THE AIR ANYMORE?!

    Even McDonalds, your creators, fat ladies, have rejected you in their media campaigns. Of course it makes sense to show a fat chick scarfin down a number 5 with extra pickles... cause that’s who eats it! But no one, not even fat people would want to go if a bunch of heffers were "Lovin it" at McDonalds on their commercials.

    Ever go to spencers and see the fat ladies on the joke birthday cards? It’s not because your sexy... it’s because it’s gross and it’s FUNNY...

    So here are your options...

    LOSE WEIGHT!!! Eat a damn salad and leave the fucking chimichangas and French Fries to the skinny people...
    EXERCISE: Go run... put a Twinkie in front of your face on a string if you have to... chase that mother fucker around the block if you have to... BUT DONT EAT IT WHEN YOU’RE DONE!!! You shouldn’t be rewarded for being fat and trying to fix it...


    Worst case scenario: End it all....that’s right, don’t be selfish, just kill yourself. Don’t you ever feel bad while you’re scarfing your face down with food and you see one of those commercials of starving kids in Africa and Brazil? Doesn’t it make you sad that YOUR LEFT ASS CHEEK CAN FEED AN ENTIRE ETHIOPIAN VILLIAGE?!

    STOP BEING SO SELFISH FAT GIRLS....


    Ugly girls... There’s no hope... unless you can afford plastic surgery, you are doomed. Stay at home and become the crazy cat lady. Cats love you no matter what you look like. Only emerge when you have to go to the DMV... because you will blend with the crowd. Hopefully one day, you can stand before God and ask him why he hated you so much...


    So girls, next time you get jealous cause some girls better looking than you or has half your ass.... realize, it’s your fault, and you should be ashamed of it. Those who are better looking than you... are better than you. Remember that. That is the key too the rest of your life.
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