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Present Me Talkin to Freshmen Year Me

by Josh March 27, 2008

Present Josh:Hey Freshman Josh, it was cool of you to come, have a seat.

Freshman Josh: WAZZUP J MAN! GOD it's good to see you dude, you catch the tits on that Starbuck's chick? Soooooo choice.

PJ: Right, see that right there's your problem dude. She's standing like three feet from us, she totally heard your stupid ass.

FJ: Even better dog, bet you anything she's getting all hot and juicy like a Jr. Bacon thinkin' of how I could bend her over the frappichino machine while she makes me a Grande Java Chip. Speakin of which could you spot me four bucks? I gotta get my nasty on with one of those things.

PJ: God... so many of those phrases are just you taking something you think cool people say and completely mutilating it. I mean do you ever think for yourself? I can't even remember being like that, its just sad. And no you can't have any cash, god you're a mooch, you know half those Roommate confessions are about what your suite mates did to you last year right?

FJ: Damn doggy calm down, think about fuckin dudes or whatever takes you to your happy place.

PJ: You just called your future self gay... how does that make you cool?

FJ: Fuck you, you're just jealous cuz Im higher than Lil' Wayne. I'm the fireman baby.

PJ: Stop quoting lil' wayne man. Everyone hates when you do that. You totally lost me a really sweet girlfriend when you wore that grill for two weeks, you didn't even like the thing, it made your gums bleed!

FJ: Worth it.

PJ: Listen, the reason I asked you here is just to tell you that you don't need to worry, you do eventually clean up and get your act together, even though you have to go to a community college for awhile, so... yeah that's basically all I wanted to say.

FJ: That's grody as hell man, I don't want none of that shit. You fucked yourself man, I ain't never getting that lame. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go get some me a Carmel Pussiato with extra cream before I start slurpin guys like Britney at her baby shower. I'm Outs!

PJ: Sigh...Fuck FreshMe

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