1. There is absolutely nothing more enticing than a sexy, pulsating bass beat to lead a woman towards physical hedonism.
2. Once enticed, a woman will repeatedly ask someone of physical attractivness to "loosen up her buttons", a colloquial invitation for one to remove the clothes of the invitor.
3. In order to facilitate this removal of clothing, women will purposely wear inappropriate sized apparel, which creates strain on these supposed "buttons", and therefore favors their loosened state.
4. The sole reason for wearing this type of attire is to communicate to the opposite sex, through non-verbal transmission, that the contents of said attire culminate to one very "sexy mama."
5. If this male is not aware of said woman's intentions for consensual coitus through non-verbal transmission of said intent, she is then allowed to question target male's affirmations in reference to the immensity of his manhood.
6. Women use the term "frontin'" in reference to a man's conveyance of the quality of his love making through verbal maxims, however, he fails to provide physical evidence to prove so these truths.
7. Women tend to go for men who "[d]on't leave [them] asking for more", or who tend to leave them, at the end of the night, sexually gratified. However, "typical" men are "hardly the type [they] fall for", and thus, the method of outwardly projecting their sexual desire through inappropriate attire leads these "typical" men supposedly wanting to "loosen up [their] buttons, babe."
8. Women tend to sing in harmony, and also tend to present themselves in dress common of a high-class stripper.
9. If Women cannot get their message across to the men of their audience, a "hot, smooth verse dropped by the one and only D-O-double G" on the remix tends to clear up any confusion about said message.
10. Women tend to repeat their intentions over and over, as the lyrics "Loosen up my buttons, babe" are unceasingly said 18 times over the course of the song. They do not like to leave doubt in the minds of their suitors. However, this may be an artifact of the song, and thus, untrue.

As a graduate student, one comes to apply deductive reasoning to many social and scientific issues that still remain unanswered. It is the duty of the academically gifted to offer clues to some of the most bizzare and inane questions that you probably never knew existed. I offer clues to one of those questions now:

Are you a May baby? Of course you are. So are half your friends on Facebook and MySpace. Unfortunately that special feeling you got when you were a tike is now overshadowed by the fact that, in the grand scheme of things, there are literally hundreds of people that have a May birthday, making yours just a little less sweet. But why is May crammed with glourious days of aging? Why is it that so many of your parents decided to get drunk one night and have dirty, nasty, college sex that resulted in you nine months later? Well, lets look at the facts:

According to Hallmark.com, it is a fact that August is, by far, the most popular month to have a wedding. Of course, this makes perfect sense: the weather is beautiful and warm, summer is at its peak, and is generally thought of as the "dog days" of the year, which leads to people inevitably getting bored and make rash decisions, like getting married.

Now, following this symbolic occasion of love and unity, there occurs another occasion of love and unity. This is called a honeymoon. Your mother and father decide to make an event out of having lots and lots of unproteced sex by going somwhere romantic and exotic. This also marks the last time your parents ever have this much sex, for reasons unknown to man (i.e. his wife). Now, most of the time, this sex isn't really unprotected, as your mother is most likely using some sort of birth control (unless she's hardcore Catholic). But this can even backfire: Maybe mother was too drunk to remember her pills, maybe the alcohol lessened the effects of the birth control in the first place. Speaking of which, why would you ever take a birth control that didn't work while wasted...seems kinda counter-intuitive. Anyways, mother and father are having a sexfest the entire week, which subsequently leads to you showing up 9 months later, which is coincidentally during the month of May.

Now, you also may be asking: Well, I'm not the first child and I was born in May, thus this logic is wrong. You would think that...jerk. Well, the fact is that your parents never really stop having sex all together. They do find the time to squeeze in some whoopie while your older brother(s) or sister(s) are having a sleep-over and Billy or Sarah's house. This usually happens during your parents' anniversary. Same rules apply as the honeymoon, however the love happens for only one night and really only includes a movie and a dinner with mother drinking a good deal of wine so father can have that "special sex" he patiently waits for every year. That's where the rest of the kids come from during May.

Of course, people are born every month of the year, so there is always the exception. These are mostly the planned births, thus making the majority of May births mommy and daddy's "unexpected surprises". There are also those May Babies whose parents were not married in August. For these few, I have to say congrats, as you are the product of good old-fashion baby makin'.

In conclusion, if you've ever noticed that there is an overwhelming amount of friends and family members that have birthdays during May, blame it on the Coitus-filled month of August, the much celebrated National Unplanned Pregnancy Month. Cheers!