Articles from IUPUI

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Excerpts from my stint on Elimidate pt. deux

by Isaac Arthur August 15, 2007

Heidi [massaging Isaac’s earlobe] – “Wow, do you workout?”

Isaac – “Well, sometimes I like to get drunk and masturbate - it’s a race to see whether or not I can get off before passing out.”

Heidi – “Haha, oh you.”

Isaac – . . .

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tales of huck

by Isaac Arthur August 13, 2007

And now, for another exciting episode of, “Huck: the man who talks at grossly inappropriate times!”

Reverend – “I now pronounce you man and man.”

Huck – “Ewwwwww.”

Guy in lifeboat – “Quick, give me another child, we don’t have much time! Now, another one, another one! Damnit, it just won’t fit anymore!”

Huck [from his seat in the back of the lifeboat] – “That’s what she said.”

Tammy – “So I was baptized yesterday! It was so spiritual, like I was reborn a virgin.”
Huck – “I never understood how lake water restored the hymen – or cured herpes.”

Tom [sobbing] – “And the worst part is… I never told my dad how much I loved him.”

Huck – “Oh man, I know… hey, can I have his tools?”

Bank robber [waving gun wildly] – “Everyone on the ground! Don’t look up, don’t look up!!!”

Huck – “We’ve seen your face, you’ll have to kill us all!”

Isaac – “Hey man, I think I have a problem.”

Huck – “You think you’ve got it rough, I have a friend who won’t shut the fuck up about his problems.”

Mike – “I just don’t know what we’re gonna do, my mom has sickle cell anemia.”

Huck – “You ever seen that movie Old Yeller?”

Melissa – “Does this blouse make me look fat?”

Huck – “Very.”

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ass cum

by Isaac Arthur August 11, 2007

I was watching as porno earlier and a girl getting it up the ass screamed, “AHHHH, I’m coming all over your dick!”

Yeah.

Uh.

[kicks toes through dirt]

[furrows brow]

I thought I had a pretty good handle on what was going on down there but I just don’t know any more.

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bad boys bad boys

by Isaac Arthur August 04, 2007

Cop – “Have you had anything to drink this evening sir?”

Isaac – “Just a nip, but I had a little something to eat… if you know what I’m saying.”

Cop – [looks up from notebook bewildered]

Isaac – [waging tongue vigorously between fingers and raising/lowering eyebrows] “Yeah, you know!”

Cop – “Sir, can you step out of the vehicle?”

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I was going back to my office at work the other day when an Asian lady stopped me in the hall to talk. She's cute and flirty but like most Asians in the department, has a hard time with English. She always compliments me and the other day she giggled, "You have much length."

"That's up for debate," I answered a little caught off guard.

"You have over 6 foot?" motioning above her head.

"Ohh – yeah, a shade under 6'1."

"Oh, how am I pronounce?" she asked, confused.

"You're fiiine."

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