Disclaimer: It's not that funny, but I'm working on it. So I put the funny stuff in bold. Yeah that's right, only the end is funny, but read the rest and critique it. At least if I suck as bad as Lena I promise to not make you read my shit again. And I'm not a fat Asian, so that makes me better already.

When you've had a significant other, have you ever gone a few days without sex thinking it will be no big deal only to realize that it's about to turn into weeks.  And all of a sudden you really wished you hadn't faked that headache on Thursday night cause you really just wanted to watch Grey's Anatomy (yes boys I'm talking to you.. obviously girls wouldn't pull that shit). Like for example this weekend that I'm about to suffer through. I have a boyfriend, we've been together for a year plus now, and he's a great guy. You'd like him, he's a beast at Guitar Hero.  Anyways, we haven't done it in oh.. 3-4 days. Which isn't bad at all, even he couldn't complain about that. But than I realized, I'm going to be out of town for another 4 days. And when I return to town, it's going to be T.O.M. If you don't know what that means, ask around. Someone will eventually tell you.

Oh wait, you don't have any friends to ask, and you haven't actually seen a girls vagina. I'll explain fast than :T.O.M=time of the month. The menstrual cycle. When a girl bleeds from her danger zone. Yeah it's gross, I know. Wait you don't want to hear about it, try living it every month buster.

So yeah, T.O.M sucks big time. Hopefully you don't know what I'm talking about (cause 90% of you are guys, and therefore if you're bleeding from your danger zone you should probably see a doctor and call all your sexual partners. Including all the new pledges.) but if you do, I'm sure you're nodding your head in that, uh huh I understand sort of way. I also know you're saying, hey Katey just bite the bullet, have sex, it's no big deal. Well I'm sorry, but it is. He makes enough of a fuckin mess as it is, I don't need to add to that. At least his washes out of the sheets, and out of my hair much easier.  My mess stains, and just looks grosser.

Now don't worry, I'm a good girlfriend. I will get down on my knees for him. Do whatever he wants. No, not suck him off. Wash the floor, that's what he really wants. Than once I'm done cleaning his apartment I'll make him dinner.  He likes steak and potatoes, and I'm a genius with the Foreman. But that week fucking sucks for me.

Okay, so you're all fucking bored, thinking I'm not funny, and how the fuck can you relate. Well, let me try something for ya. Think of those weeks when you were at summer camp, or that long weekend at your grandparents, or Easter Sunday in church. Those were long, and hard times for you (hehe get it, cause your penis is long and hard too!!!!) and due to uncomfortable circumstances you weren't able to whack it. It's pretty hard to do with Poppy George and Meema Lulu getting it on in the next room, I know. You know how horny you fucking were, yeah that's gonna be me in a week's time. Just thought you should know.

Moral of the story is: Next time you're girlfriend/girl you met at the club/little sisters friend/roomates girlfriend says she doesn't want to have sex, shut her up and make her. She'll be thanking you later.