Articles from University of Florida

475 Total 368 Pictures 45 Videos 7 R-Rated 55 Articles

The Life of a Shot Glass

by Ana September 06, 2007

Iwas born in China with many other shot glasses. We didn't have much time to get to know each other because we were all shipped overseas soon after birth. I moved to a nice location in a Times Square souvenir shop. I lived across from the postcards. It's been my dream to go to a tropical beach ever since. I turned 6 months two days before someone bought me. It was a girl named Sarah and she looked around and picked me out of all the shot glasses. I felt very loved. She carefully wrapped me up and put me in her suitcase for a few days. When she took me out again, I was in Chicago. She gave me as a souvenir to a guy named Mark. I frequently saw them together as I collected dust on Mark's dresser. The night of Mark's high school graduation, I was used for the first time. He took me to a hotel rent and poured many a shot into me. That's when I realized, I hate tequila. As time went on that summer, I stopped seeing Sarah. I suppose they we're no longer together.
That Fall, Mark packed me up and he took me to college with him, where I would spend the next four years, maybe five. I can't say it wasn't a challenging time. I got used very frequently. So many liquids we're mixed in me that I felt sick to my stomach often. Mark's friends also did pretty odd things like throw quarters into me and dunk me in full mugs of beer. I even got set on fire a few times. And there's nothing worse than waking up with ashes all over me. Some people have no manners.
Then one day, Mark took me to a party with him at the house of a friend of a friend. He got a little carried away and left me sitting on the kitchen counter. I was devastated when I realized he had left without me. I hoped he would come back for me but he never did. It wasn't too bad, though, my new owners were really excited to find me.
Their names were Jake and Ryan. I've lead a much more calm life since. They're not as crazy as Mark used to be and they don't drink vodka that comes in a plastic bottle which is always a good thing. The best part is, my dream finally came true. Last spring break, Jake, Ryan, his girlfriend Jenny, and some of their friends took me on vacation to Miami Beach for the week. What a wonderful city. I finally got to see the beach. It was very hot, and I didn't get to go in the water, but it was very nice. The sand gets everywhere, though, especially when someone picks me up with suntan lotion on their fingers. We had some really good times and we took awesome pictures. I'm even tagged on facebook in a few of them. When we came back, I had a new friend, a Miami Beach shot glass.
Today is Ryan's 21st birthday party. We're all very excited. People are starting to show up. Here comes Jenny now. I think she-

*smash*

Jenny- Shit! I broke your shot glass, I'm sorry.
Jake- Meh, it doesn't matter. It's not even ours. We just found it here one day.

View Article

Like it? You Like it! (0) Comments (0)

Making the Perfect Schedule

by Ana September 06, 2007

1. Get a friend who's registration date is before yours to save you seats in as many classes as possible.
2. When it's your turn to register, add all classes of interest.
3. Check Ratemyprofessor.com and drop all the ones with bad teachers.
4. Replace all your MWF classes with online classes.
5. Drop your TR sections and take those offered once a week instead, preferably after 1 pm.
6. Attempt to replace math with an easy elective (Film Analysis, Man's Food etc.).
7. Check for openings in said elective every hour.
8. Change your major.
9. Repeat steps 2-7.
10. Keep checking for openings in your desired elective.
11. Attend the class anyway, even if you're not registered.
12. Casually follow one of the other students home.
13. Kill them.
14. Check for the upcoming opening in the class.
15. Add class.

You're now taking 12 credits, and you only have class on Tuesdays and Wednesdays after 3 pm, and you still get home in time for Lost. 5 day weekends, here we come!