Articles from University of Florida

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Tips for taking adderall

by Me. February 19, 2008

1. Snort it.

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Now would be a good time to change your major when...

by Jeremy February 10, 2008

Engineering: You realize engineers are supposed to prevent stuff from blowing up. This is nothing like Transformers, especially where you get that hot chick and your car doesn't suddenly become awesome.

Business: You are really tired of being around people all day. This is nothing like the Apprentice.

Finance and Stocks: You are really tired of being around numbers all day. This is nothing like Wall Street.

Any sort of art: You realize I am not good enough to make money at this. Although you enjoy photography, you realize neither national geographic or playboy will hire you.

Psychology: When all you think is "OH MY GOD SUCK IT UP" This is just like Analyze ____, but without Robert De Niro and you won't get to meet the rat pack or get that giant fountain.

Anthropology: This is nothing like Indiana Jones. Where are all the booby traps?

Paleontology: This is nothing like Jurassic Park and you always wanted to hunt a dino.

Communication: This is nothing like Anchorman. How do they smile for that long?

Undecided: You are going to graduate tomorrow.

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How to save the world in about 23 seconds

by Casey February 08, 2008

Lately, the talk of global warming has enveloped our dear society into an intense struggle between people who think the world is going to end because I drive a car and people who know for sure that our recent climate change is a mere cyclical happenstance.

Well, I prefer not to take sides in this debate, so I offer the topic of an actual conversation I had with a female petition pusher with a boy haircut I had on campus today.

While I concede that global warming could indeed be a possibility, I maintain that I don't really care, at least for the time being, and I offer the following as my reasoning.

The state of Florida, if global warming is a real threat, won't be underwater for some time. At least, not in my lifetime. And they keep telling me to care about the fact that the environment is going to Hell in a hand basket and that I should take preventative steps to reduce its effect for my children's' sake.

Well, if that's the case, I'll have to have children, right?

If that is the case, I will have to, at some point in my existence on this big round ball, plant my seed inside a woman. Ergo, I will have to find somewhere a female who will allow me the privilege of breaching her floppy V.

So, if and when a woman decides it necessary to make love to me, I will begin caring about global warming for the sake of my little sideburned flagellate friends.

The moral of this story: girls, if you really care about the environment, you will have lots of hardcore sex with me. Do it for me. Do it for the environment. But most of all, do it for the children.

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