Articles from University of Pittsburgh

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  • The Morning After Nip/Tuck: Chaz Darling

    by Katie Marino November 27, 2007


    Dear Nip/Tuck,
    Here is my Christmas List: 1) More abundant and gory surgeries. 2) Sex that is not with fat white ladies. 3) Less footage of Sean's ass. 4) Xanax with two free refills.
    I have a feeling I'm not going to get any of those, but here's hoping.

    Jai Rodriguez (whom you may recognize as the "culture" expert from Queer Eye) is Eden's BGF Chaz Darling, and his left nipple is the size of a hubcap. Although I'm going to guesstimate* that this surgery would only cost about a grand or so, Eden demands that Christian do it for free, or she'll tell Sean that he slept with Julia. How does she know that he slept with Julia? She has a camera installed in her mother's bedroom. That's gross for several reasons (Julia being the primary one), but we don't find out until later anyway, so let's just pretend that it's because lesbians are extra-loud when they talk. Naturally, Christian has to do the surgery. Unnaturally, Jai Rodriguez is from Jersey, judging by his accent.

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  • The Morning After Nip/Tuck: Dawn Budge II

    by Katie Marino November 20, 2007


    The thing I loved about earlier seasons of Nip/Tuck -and about TV dramas in general- is that, unlike sitcoms, each episode doesn't end with resolution to the conflicts. The characters are going through some shit, and whether or not I like those characters, I want to find out what happens to them. It's what keeps the audience interested and brings them back every week, and I think that my biggest problem with Season 4 was that a bunch of crazy shit was advertised in the previews, and then all of those potential conflicts would either turn out to be ridiculously ineffective or would be resolved by the end of the episode. I'm happy to see, therefore, that this season is returning to a non-resolution pattern. Well done, writers.

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  • Secrets of the Civil War

    by Brian Zitelli November 14, 2007

    In 1864 with the nation in the midst of the bloodiest war ever fought on American soil president Lincoln commissioned the top scientists in the North to begin working on a top secret project to create a super weapon capable of finding and neutralizing all those still loyal to the Confederacy. It has long been believed that the project ended in failure, with little or no progress to show and was swept quietly under the rug by historians.
    However, years of careful research and diligent rereading of letters and documents has yielded one of the greatest discoveries in recent times. I have included here an early drawing of what would become the ALCD (Abraham Lincoln Confederacy Destroyer) mark V, or as it was loving called by it's creators: The Emancipatron.



    Completed in early 1865, the Emancipatron was considered too powerful for use, and fears that inclusion of as of yet "undiscovered" technology would call attention to the government's connections with celestial beings resulted in the machine being stored in an underground bunker beneath what is now the Lincoln Memorial.
    In 1993 the Emancipatron was accidentally activated by maintenance crews, and it took no fewer than 8 Abraham Lincoln impersonators to convince the machine that the civil war had ended, but not before it had run down a truck flying the confederate flag. The incident was covered up as a normal DC freeway shooting.
    The ALCD mark V was returned to its tomb beneath the Lincoln Memorial, and its existence is denied by military officials. However, as more evidence is uncovered, it may become a fixture of civil war text books.

    Reference: Wikipedia
    Drawing by Mike Ramsey (http://www.nauticom.net/www/ramsey/)

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  • The Morning After Nip/Tuck: Everett Poe

    by Katie Marino November 13, 2007


    Oh, Nip/Tuck! You just keep getting better and better!

    In the first couple minutes of the show, Sean and Kate are in a hot tub making out, and Kate's all, "Hey, brb," and Sean's all, "I said suck my dick, bitch!" and pushes her back into a sitting position, whereupon this happens (in case you don't feel like clicking on the link, she diarrheas all over the place). Kate is duly embarrassed, and admits to Sean that she's been feeling badly about herself lately (even though she JUST had plastic surgery), so she ate a lot of food, and then because she couldn't throw it up for some reason (bullshit, you can always throw it up), she took laxatives instead. Whatever, cry me a river. Then she gives Sean a blowjob, obvi.

    The titular character this week, Everett Poe, is so inconsequential that I would wonder why he was even on the show, if not for the symbolism. Everett has had, like, 18,000 procedures over the years, but he needs just one more (a cleft in his chin) so that he can be perfectly symmetrical. He looks sort of like a cat, but not a cute one. A cat that has a mullet. Also, this is weird: we never see old E.P. post-surgery, so it doesn't really matter what his new chin looks like, but editing still blurs out his chin and lower lip area during this scene. It makes his faces look that much more busted, plus it's unnecessary and very strange. Anyway, he owns a salon and is also super gay, of course.

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  • The Morning After Nip/Tuck: "Joyce and Sharon Monroe"

    by Katie Marino November 06, 2007


    Not gonna lie, tonight was way better than the stupid season premiere: H&S was funny and ridiculous rather than annoying, Portia diRossi is obviously beautiful and therefore worth my time no matter how deplorable her reason for being on the show is, and Christian banged two chicks at once, so that's always fun.

    My major problem with this episode (aside from Kate's "extra skin," but I'll address that later) was of course that Julia returned. However, this was bound to happen sooner or later, and she wasn't as awful as she potentially could have been, so I'm dealing.

    On to some plot deets!

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