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The Morning After Nip/Tuck

Kyle McKenzie

by Katie Marino January 29, 2008

When I used to go to Tulane, my boyfriend and I would watch Nip/Tuck together every week. If an episode was really good, like if 8 people died or Quentin had no penis or Matt had to cut off a pre-op tranny's penis, afterwards we would play-strangle each other. It looked like when Homer Simpson strangles Bart and Bart strangles back, on the few occasions that that happens, except that instead of anger, our motivation was that we were so excited that they only way we could express our excitement was through mutual strangulation. If he were here instead of in that craphole New Orleans, we'd totally be strangling each other right now. That was all a lot of words to say that tonight's episode was kickass. Way more kickass than I've seen in a while. For this glorious hour, at least, Nip/Tuck was back to early Season 3 form.

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The Morning After Nip/Tuck: Magda and Jeff

by Katie Marino January 22, 2008

The episode was pretty awesome. Not gonna lie, I've been a little bit buzzed for the past, like, four hours, but I can still objectively determine that it was a lot better than last week's episode.

We open on a tiny little old lady (Magda) and her late-30s male companion (husband), Jeff. They've apparently been married for 21 years, even though Jeff looks like Brendan Frasier in Blast from the Past and Magda looks like a California Raisin. Sean and Christian find this as disparaging as I do. The reason they are there for a consultation is that in the 1980s, having no body hair was all the rage. So were cocaine and leg warmers, and guess what? They're all three making a comeback. Anyway, Jeff has no body hair. Magda wishes he did. So he's there to get a hair transplant and also a little baby facelift, because why not? Then Magda passes out for like three minutes, and Jeff tells Sean and Christian how unhappy he is in the marriage, and they're like, "For serious? You're unhappy being married to a child-sized tower of crepe paper? Elucidate."

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The Morning After Nip/Tuck: Rachael Ban Natan

by Katie Marino January 16, 2008

This is just going to be the white elephant in the room of my recap if I don't say it straight away, so here goes: Matt is going to be appearing in a film about a vagina that has teeth. That has to be the best thing I've heard so far this year, closely followed by the fact that this toothed vagina is an actual concern that men have had for thousands of years. Boys are idiots.

So how was everyone's holiday? Mine was great. I got some mittens so now my hands won't get frostbite. On the down side, I can't dial my phone anymore. If you'll recall, last we saw the Nip/Tuck bunch, Rachael the scary burn victim Israeli woman was scary and burned up, plus Christian and Julia were banging each other. Those are the only two issues that were addressed this episode. Oh plus Freddy's a ragining homosexual.

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The Morning After American Idol: Philadelphia

by Katie Marino January 15, 2008

Hey, guys. What's up? How have the past 6 months been? Good? That's good. Because we're going to spend the other half of the year feeding the gluttonous monster that is American Idol.

We open the Seventh Season in Philadelphia, City of Brotherly Love and AIDS. After an annoying 1-million-minute montage of random crowd footage, Seacrest gets right down to business, reminding us that Philly is home to Ben Franklin and Rocky, among other American legends. Also everyone there loves Paula, who looks very pretty and not yet intoxicated this time around. Good for her.

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If There was a Muppets Legends of the Fall, Who Would Play Tristan?

by Katie Marino January 04, 2008

Keep in mind that 1) Miss Piggy would definitely be Susannah, and she's crazy in love with Kermit, so he could be Tristan, but also that 2) Tristan is a total badass and pretty much no Muppet is. 3) Tristan is also an asshole, and only those crochety old guys in the balcony are Muppet assholes, and they definitely aren't sexy enough. Also 4) Tristan could be played by a human, also 5) Kermit would make a really good Alfred, plus 6) it can't be Fozzie because he has to play the bear at the end.

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