So, uhh, this update thingy isn't really working for me.  But,  you probably saw the pic anyway, so you get the idea.  Come up with a good jewish sex reference.   If you haven't seen it, just ignore this and pretend you didn't just waste all your time for nothing...

Ok, let's see who has a funnybone here. Write a caption for this picture. Winner gets the honor of knowing that their comment beat the hell out of everyone else's.

Pregnancy and Marriage as a Sexually Transmitted Disease.

It is not necessarily my belief that pregnancy or marriage are STDs. But I would like to open everyone's mind to the possibility.
Here are a few basic reasons for this belief, supported by facts for which the sources are sited at the end of this article.

"¢ Pregnancy, along with VD, is the result of two people engaging in sexual intercourse. If you do not believe this to be a proven fact"¦ you probably don't get laid enough. "¦ Also I would like to point out that most weddings of young people are the result of one of the parties involved getting knocked up. For couples that want to make it holy and special or some bullshit, the point of marriage is that the two parties can legally have sex in the eyes of God.
"¢ Pregnancy saps the carrier (the mother) just like a virus saps a host. In other words, just like HIV, which is a sexually transmitted disease, saps the carrier of the virus of all its immunity to disease and infection, which in the end KILLS the host. Pregnancy can also result in death of the host, whether it be by the child/disease or the mother/carrier killing herself because it is the end of her life. Marriage, like pregnancy and HIV, saps the both the wife and the husband of all their energies, emotional and physical, and results in the eventual end of their social life. This is also known as DEATH.
"¢ If not treated early, pregnancy, like VD, can have irreversible effects: being stuck with a child for eighteen years to life, loss of sex drive, depression, drug abuse, alimony payments that wipe your whole band account clean. Many young married couples turn to alcohol and violence to solve their problems which can have irreversible emotional damage on their spouses.
"¢ Like an STD, pregnancy can affect one's sex life: tenderness in the breasts, hormonal imbalances that lead to the carrier/mother being overly emotional, unusual growths (in the abdominal area particularly), depression, end of your life, loss of sex drive, etc"¦
Marriage also effects one's sex life: It ends.
"¢ Pregnancy, like an STD, can become a very expensive problem to take care of: "Taking care of it" can cost you up to $3,000 dollars, not to mention hospital bills for the infections and postpartum depression resulting in the avid drug abuse that follows; or the bills that come with raising a human child for 18 years or more could cost you tens of hundreds of thousands of dollars if not more. Lets not mention the medical bills that come along with birthing a child. That is an expensive process all on its own without all the scrapes, broken bones, and massive flesh wounds that come along with disciplining children.
Now lets talk about the pricey job of a wedding. Holy Shit guys! A nice wedding dress alone will cost you up between $500 and $2,000. Renting a suitable location for this wedding will cost you a couple hundred. Tux's, catering, floral arrangements, photographer's fees"¦ all these things add up.
"¢ STDs, Marriage, Pregnancy are both preventable through means of contraception. Prophylactics, for example, are 98% effective in preventing pregnancy and STDs. Using a fake name when picking up prospective sexual partners can prevent any unwanted advances towards a relationship and eventual marriage and end of life.
"¢ The symptoms of STDs and Pregnancy are quite similar: unusual or abnormal period/bleeding, nausea and vomiting, changes in libido, soreness of breasts, increased urination, fatigue, skin changes, weight gain, itching, abdominal pain, denial, guilt, anxiety, anemia, scarring, etc"¦
Marriage also has similar symptoms: Weight gain, anxiety, fatigue, loss of sex drive,"¦ mainly marriage leads to a lot of nausea and dying inside.
"¢ Pregnancy, Marriage, and VD all result in a woman's vagina being angry at her.
"¢ All can result in bruising from one's sex partner for reasons involving transmission of disease to said partner or the reaction to the idea of said sex partner paying child support every month for the next eighteen years. Or if you are the father reading this, then the mother might abuse you for impregnating/infecting her. A husband may beat his wife for not enough baking of the grits. These are very violent situations to be in, that is, infected with pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, or marriage.
"¢ Promiscuity increases one's chances of contracting a fetus/disease/infection/virus/spouse.

Basically what I'm trying to tell you people is that everything bad in your life can be linked to STDs. Lets find a cure people.


Works cited:
Your Mother