7:00 A.M.: Alarm to wake up for 8:00 A.M. class7:05 A.M.: Hit snooze button again.7:10 A.M.: Hit snooze button again.7:30 A.M.: Roommate throws granola bar at your face because you’ve been sleeping through your alarm for twenty minutes.7:31...
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4:00 P.M.: Get back from weekend at home, start paperChristian HoncePhilosophy 234Dr. --------10/30/064:05 P.M.: Facebook Break4:30 P.M.: Reward your hard work with an early dinner (which you'll only attend briefly)6:00 P.M.: Start good solid two...
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I remember when I first saw you, as you walked red-eyed through the vegetarian line in Food Services. Your "free-minded," tie-dyed, hand knitted, never washed hoody made you look like a sexy fruit salad on an LSD trip. You don't wash your...
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Boy: Where were you last night???? Girl: I was at my grandmothers helping her take her medication for her cancer and helping her move around the house Boy: Why didn't you fuckin call me? Girl: Baby, I'm sorry, I lost track of time!...
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Call someone a hippy Whisper in someone’s ear “Befriend” a rabbit Perform oral sex Try to look sexy Listen to a secret Drink milk Hang around cannibals Run a marathon Sneeze
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Well into classes now, I’ve realized that I’ve forgotten many essential items for the school year. Knowing that everyone has this problem I’ve created a tactful way to get the stuff they need from their parents. Included is a...
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One day, Sarah was walking home from school whenher boyfriend drove by and honked at her to get in. She got in his car and he drove her to the lake. Her boyfriend said he was going to tell her something very important. Sarah could have sworn he...
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O.J. Simpson has written a new book, "If I Did It," detailing how he, "hypothetically," would have murdered his wife and her lover. Simpson insists this is "pure fiction," and that he is still hunting down the "real killer." I was lucky...
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Time to pretend like your going to “really try” this semester: it’s spring. For us freshman, the fall was a time to adjust to new settings, acquire a tolerance to illicit substances, and make awful decisions that we regretted the...
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Fast food restaurant. Day. CASHIER: Next, please. FRANK: (Pulls out a gun and points it at the cashier.) All right, this is a stick-up! Empty the drawers! Empty the freaking drawers! (The doors fly open. Enter THE CRITICIZER.The Criticizer is a...
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Man boobs: Earth's greatest mystery. It's a question that has loomed in the minds of great thinkers for ages. Why are some men blessed with toned pecs and others forced to slouch to conceal their chesticles? Some say it's because we're lazy and...
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1. Who are you? Lucifer2. Are we friends? I'd like to think so, you'll be spending quite a while with me in a few years3. When and how did we meet? I lured you into watching the Spice channel when you were six.4. Do you have a...
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+5 points for every time you check CNN.com in a week -5 points for every time you refresh the Facebook Newsfeed in a day +5 points for every cup of coffee -10 points for every cup of coffee past five cups -5 points for every beer -10 points for...
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okay, I joined this site so I could post a comment to your fucking retarded little post above... I'm a female.. "I DON'T watch Grey's Anatomy of any of the other shows I know some girls do become obsessed with." I'm desperately trying to be...
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Ooo girl. You lookin' fine. Why don't you let me take you for a Grand Slam Breakfast? That's right I said GRAND Slam. I ain't talkin' no Junior Slam or Homestyle Skillet, I'm talkin' classic baby. Two pieces of bacon and sausage, two buttermilk...
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If MySpace has taught me anything, it's that the less clothes a girl wears, the more she wants to be my friend and consequently wants me to view her webcam. I don't get anywhere near as many friend requests on Facebook, and I've always wondered...
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No matter where I try to enjoy myself, there's always the shrill scream of a baby to ruin my mood. Airplanes, movie theaters, even day-care centers are being polluted more and more by crying little shit-and-piss-factories being toted around by...
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(Ashley's dorm room. Dan stands awkwardly surveying her room, waiting for her to come back from talking to the girl next door.)DAN (Voice Over.): Right. Be Cool. She brought to her room. Play it cool. Play it cool. Relax- Is that hers? Thong!...
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A man and a woman are seated at a table. They are wearing redneck-chic clothing.Starlene: I want to thank you for taking me out. You didn’t have to splurge. This place is so fancy.I mean, this is almost too much.Ted: No,...
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Dear Housemates in My Dorm, Dear Kid on the Cell Phone Who Keeps His Bluetooth Headset on 24/7, I just want you to know how awesome I think it is that you wear that headset all the time. It really does a good job in suggesting that you have...
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