CollegeHumor: UC Berkeley Articles

Prank War 8 Is Up!

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 18:00:00 -0500

It's been two years since I last pranked Streeter. Now the wait is over. Click the picture to see the video.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.7cc2e0696d5c5ce7891a75df31a50bd8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-12 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 327 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

What Math Textbooks Should Be About, Based On Their Covers

Fri, 08 May 2009 16:00:00 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Roll-Over to Reveal

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.7cc2e0696d5c5ce7891a75df31a50bd8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-05-08 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 839 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

CH Sports Weekly: Starbury Fields Forever

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:00:00 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Ethan: We're here live for the nineteenth day of the Big East Tournament! Doesn't it seem hard to believe that there's only three weeks left until the conference has a champ?

Amir: Then we'll be finally ready for some April Madness!

This is the happiest photo of Mike D'Antoni coaching the Knicks we could find

Ethan: Now that St. John's is out of the tourney, though, Knicks fans can get back to watching what they're used to: out-of-town teams winning at the Garden. What conference tourney are you most excited for?

Amir: Probably the ACC. You know, I caught half of the Maryland-Wake Forest game last week, and even the mediocre teams in that conference can put up a fight! Anything is possible.

Ethan: Maryland's mediocre? That's a Greivis insult to the Terps' skills, sir. I'm with you on the ACC being the best tournament, though, followed by the Big East and the Big 12. (The SEC came in just behind the Patriot League in my rankings) Who do you like in the ACC? I want to say Wake, but UNC looks too tough.

Amir: Yeah I like UNC to win the whole thing, so I'm definitely picking them to win the ACC tourney. Ty Lawson reminds me of a collegiate Jay Williams, sans motorcycle.

Ethan: One last ACC question: is this Duke team ugly even by Duke standards? Singler, Scheyer, Paulus...this is a real pack of mutants.

Amir: I'm not going to get involved in your tobacco road muckraking. I think all basketball teams are equally (un)attractive. I'm just excited to start hearing names like College of Charleston, Belmont, and Weber State again. Spring has sprung!

Ethan: You mean you haven't been following Siena all season?

Amir: Too busy rooting for Coppin State... sorry.

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.7cc2e0696d5c5ce7891a75df31a50bd8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-03-12 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 21 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Top 5 biggest threats to UC Berkeley students:

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:31:54 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Number 5: Oakland

You know it's bad when Berkeley is scared of you.

Number 4: Bums

No, I'm still not giving you money even though you're batshit crazy and smell like feces.

Number 3: Bart Police

'Nuff Said

Number 2: OD'ing on Aderol during finals

What cracks me up is that the majority of kids who do this are too square to party or anything during the semester, but come finals it's totally okay to crush up pills and snort them, totally fine.

Number 1: Berkeley squirrels

Somewhat related to number 4, the squirrels here are insanely aggressive. y theory? "hey got into the needles down at people's park.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1835303"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/3/collegehumor.f52dad4fcf3a03a1b60a5a930b4524b0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1835303">Charlie Kane</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Whether You Read an Article and What it Says About You

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 02:22:05 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> You read the article
You either found it interesting, or you just had nothing better to do. Either way, you are literate and I respect that.

You didn't read the article
This really says nothing significant about you.

View Article

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:6510"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/1/collegehumor.a00fe70e53185b4ab2ace1a166a3dabe.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:6510">Happy Happy Happy Man</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 8 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The 7 Most Common Facebook Profile Pictures

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 21:01:46 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Note: I used only profile pictures that I have used that fit these descriptions, cause I've had a lot of profile pictures. Shut up, ya'll don't know me.

The "party-er" picture

Someone puts this picture up when they want to let everyone know that they are the party animal. These people are down for anything! They also tend to pass out the fastest every night cause they had, like, nothing to eat all day, bro.
Usual suspects: frat boys

The "gangster" picture

"This person is a badass" is what they want you to think. A "don't f*ck with me" face, a posture that says, "I don't care about you", and, to complete the package, some gang symbol is thrown up with one or both hands. The desired reaction is not obtained because the least intimidating people usually do it.
Usual suspect: white sorority chicks

The "majestic/epic" picture

This person wants you to think that their life is a lot more interesting than it seems. They get a lucky shot and instantly it looks like whatever they were doing before should've been filmed for a Michael Bay movie.
Usual suspects: people who probably don't get out enough

The "artsy" picture

These people want you to think that they are deep and thoughtful. These people end up looking like pompous know-it-alls that will tell you till they're blue in the face about why we have to save the White-bellied Spider Monkey before it's too late.
Usual suspects: art majors, mac users, emo people

The "I'm fun!" picture

Most likely, this person has a good sense of humor, and generally is nice person to be around. They are also known as the "clown" of the group, so you know there will be wacky high jinks when he/she comes to a party! Or maybe that's what this person wants you to think.
Usual suspects: cool people, possible loners

The "group" picture

Don't ask

Nothing says, "I have friends and a social life!" quite like getting a bunch of your friends together and taking a picture of it. It could be anywhere- at a party, at a football game; there really is no limit. The only downside is that you'll probably stop talking to them in about 6 months.
Usual suspects: people you're no longer friends with

The "my facebook just got hacked into" picture

This person is- hey, what the hell? I really need to remember to log off next time...

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Helicopter

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 18:48:34 -0400

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The Top 5 Weirdest Candies

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 01:19:59 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> It's pretty much a scientific fact that everyone loves candy. And if you don't, you should probably go find your soul somewhere in your toilet. And whenever you walk by a candy store, you always get that urge to go in and buy everything. Also a scientific fact. The companies who make candy know that they have you by the balls and that you will buy whatever they make, so they sometimes just say "f*ck it" when a weird candy idea goes by them. Here are 5 of the weirdest I've seen.

Jawbreakers

These bad boys have been around for many, many years. But really, what are they good for? The only thing I've seen them good for are sore jaws and strange desires about your friends. And blowjob jokes. Lots of them. Also, the name itself doesn't sound like a candy at all. It sounds like a threat. "Eat this candy, kids, and it'll break your jaw. Go ahead. I dare you." And when those three magical words are uttered, gay jokes hurled at their kid is the least of the parents' worries.

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-08-07 01:19:59 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 19 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

An Internal Coversation- Canine Edition

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 00:50:45 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Brain: Rise and shine boys! It's 4pm and we need to get up from our 5th nap of the day. It's time for our walk!

Legs: Yes! I've had so much energy all day.

Ears: Can we nap some more? I'm still pretty tired...

Brain: Sorry ears, but the master got the leash out. You know the protocol; it's time to go nuts.

Eyes: I confirm the leash. It's definitely out.

Ears: Ok, but another nap when we get back.

Brain: You got it.

Crotch: Guys, I'm sorry about this, but I really need to be licked now.

Brain: C'mon, crotch. Not now, we're just about to get a walk!

Crotch: I'm sorry, but I really need to be licked. Seriously.

Tongue: Permission to lick crotch, sir?

Brain: Yeah, go ahead, but be quick.

Tongue: Incoming!

Brain: I told you not to say that anymore... Alright, time to go crazy.

Nose: Hold on, I smell something. And it smells gooooooood.

Ears: I hear a bag opening. Sounds just like a bag of chips. Eyes, confirm for me please.

Eyes: I confirm the bag. It says "Doritos Cooler Ranch".

Brain: Those are the same ones that we got into when the masters left last week.

Jaw: Should we commence begging sir? Or bark like mad for the leash?

Brain: Hmm... tough choice boys. What do we usually do in these situations?

Legs: Hump someone's leg?

Brain: Exactly.

Crotch: Yes!

---------------------

Mary: Honey, the dog is doing it again.

Bob: Lick his crotch then hump your leg once he saw the leash?

Mary: Yeah.

Bob: God, dogs are so weird.

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Batman: The Dark Hype

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:08:50 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
The anticipation around the new Batman movie has reached unprecedented levels. It's crazy to think that in two weeks you can walk around and ask anybody in America what they thought of the new Batman movie and 98% will be able to respond.

- In New York and Los Angeles, there were not only midnight showings, but 3AM and 6AM showings -- all were sold out before July 4th.

- Certain theatres in Kansas City and Miami are allowing patrons to sit and wait in the theatre next to the one showing The Dark Knight and listen to that theatre rumble and vibrate for $40.

- A theatre in Bucks County, PA will let you lick the film chemicals off the projectionist's fingers for $52.

- AMCs across Ohio are allowing people, for $55, to have some of the leftover popcorn that's left in the theater, hoping some information from the movie leaked into the butter.

- At certain theatres in Florida and Maine, you can hold the film reel for $99.50 and bite into one frame.

- In Nebraska, certain Loews theatres are allowing people to pay $160 to stare at the poster outside the theater, and another $20 to sketch it with charcoal.

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.7cc2e0696d5c5ce7891a75df31a50bd8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-18 15:08:50 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 239 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

A Meeting of the Food Network Chefs

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 01:27:56 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Bobby Flay: Welcome everybody! I'm glad you could all make it to tonights meeting.
Paula Deen: Well thank ya hon! I'm so glad that I could make it.
Gina Neely: Thanks baby!
Pat Neely: Yeah, thanks-
Gina Neely: Shut up
Rachael Ray: T-Y!
Giada De Laurentiis: Just look at my clevage. Please?
Bobby Flay: So we need to decide the future of Food Network. Lets hear some ideas for future shows.
Mario Batali: I think we should deversify our shows so we can attract a larger audience, and in turn bring in more money.
Alton Brown: Um, I guess that would work if you were STUPID! We definitely need more shows that are more informative on the historyof what we cook. And a completely different show style too. Like, morelike an actual show. I used to be a director? Please? ... Nevermind.
Tyler Florence: I think the way we are going now is fine. Especially if it has more of my recipes in it.
Rachael Ray: We defeinitely need to make more mentioning of E-V-O-O and S and P.
Paula Deen: We definitely need more butter in our shows.
Bobby Flay: And I think we need to have more shows with me in them! It appears that we are all in dissagreement here.
Giada De Laurentiis: I think the amount of clevage I show is just fine.
Bobby Flay: I agree with that. So what should we do with our other shows?
Emiril Lagasse: BAM!!!
Bobby Flay: Hey hey hey, you don't have a show here anymore. You have to leave, Emiril.
Emiril Lagasse: Bam... (Leaves)
Bobby Flay: Can he say anything else? Alright, where were we?
Alton Brown: I think we were at the point... where we ask Marc Summers for his infinte wisdome.
Everyone: (Gasps)
Rachael Ray: He's H-O-T.
Bobby Flay: Let me summon him. (kneels to the statue of Marc Summers) Oh brave and beautiful Marc Summers, please gace us with your presence.
Marc Summers: (Appears out of nowhere) AH! ... oh, I thought I told you to call me if you wanted to talk to me. Why do you gotta do this summoning thing?
Bobby Flay: ...Cause it's cool. So what is your opinion on where Food Network should head?
Marc Summers: Um...I've always been under the impression that we need to use more slime,but I guess what were doing is fine... do people really expect us tochange?
(Everyone stares at him)
Bobby Flay: Totally.
Paula Deen: We Definitely need more butter.
Giada De Laurentiis: We should probably put in more clevage. Watch my show?
Rachael Ray: Dude, W-T-F? G-T-F-O.

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Driving Troubles

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 01:16:11 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Passenger: I'm so pumped for this party. It's gonna be bomb.
Driver: I know bro! We're gonna get so drunk. Blackout for sure.
Passenger: And all those chicas will be there too!
Driver: Dude, this party is gonna be so legit. Hey, so I turn left up here?
Passenger: Right.
Driver: Oh, ok (turns right)
Passenger: Dude, what are you doing? You're other left.
Driver: Oh, my bad. I thought you meant, "turn right". No biggie. (turns around)
Passenger: Idiot.
Driver: Whatever. Alright, where do I go from here?
Passenger: You want to turn right at this light coming up, so you'll want to get in the right lane.
Driver: The light right here?! (Swerves into the right lane, almost hitting another car) Dude, you need to give me more warning next time.
Passenger: Sorry man, I wasn't thinking.
Driver: It's ok, we're even now. So where to from here? It's this right coming up, yes?
Passenger: (mumbles) I think... left...
Driver: Left, it is. (turns left)
Passenger: I think I left my frat hat in my room! I can't go to parties without it! Wait, why are you turning left?
Driver: Dear god, not again (turns around)
Passenger: Alright, despite some setbacks I think we're here. Let me call my buddy cause I don't see any other cars here... (calls buddy) Hey, what's your house number again? Weird, I don't see anywhere near that number. You're on Colt Ct. right? No? You live on Happy Valley Road? ... Can you give me a second? (hangs up, turns to driver) um, we're nowhere near where we need to be. Lets retrace our steps.
Driver: Ok, we left town, got on highway 24 east-
Passenger: Oh... we were supposed to go on 24 west.
Driver: F*ck.

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Offensive Rap Names

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:29:23 -0400

Lu-gay Fiasco

Yu-Bang Man

Sir Dix-a-lot

Gay-Z

Lil Wang

Tu-cock Shakur

Jizzy Elliot

Andre Dick-itina

Mistah Fag and the Yellow Pole Riders

Mac Gay

Notorious HIV positive

P Titty

50 Cunt

Dr. Gay

R. Kelly

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Kids Review Wall-E

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 12:00:09 -0400

Wall-E was great, everybody can agree. But was it a kids' movie? Did children understand the adult themes? We took kids away from their parents (by subtly changing the hands they were holding) as they left the theater to see what the youth of America think of Pixar's latest film.

"My favorite part is when everybody got to ride around on floating chairs and it was so cool and so much better than regular chairs."
-- Martin, Age 10

"I hate everything about earth! Even that little plant. I wanna live on a space ship!"
-- Kaylee Age 7
!slice
"If I don't throw my trash away like mom says it means Wall-E is gonna come clean it up."
-- Teyisha, Age 9

"I wanna plant a pizza tree!"
-- Yolaro, Age 10

"Wall E thinks earth is just as boring as I do. And I wanna go to space and have fun and drink cupcakes too!"
-- Yung-Tze, Age 8

"Big stores should be President so that we can all go on vacation and play in pools forever."
-- Rohmar, Age 12

"I found the Chaplin-esque first act to be a visually arresting introduction to the protagonist, but felt that the film lost its voice during the rising action leading into the second act. The environmental message was forced -- a heavy-handed theme slapped onto a thin, derivative narrative frame. Are we to enjoy a preachy Wal-Mart allegory masquerading as "entertainment"? Another potential-laden flop from those homogenized "imagineers" at Pixaren't-all-they're-cracked-up-to-be."
-- Maxdine, Age 4

"...and I'm not gonna stop throwing trash on the floor until Wall-E comes!"
-- Also Teyisha, Still Age 9.

(Written with Dan Gurewitch, Age 24)

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.7cc2e0696d5c5ce7891a75df31a50bd8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-06-30 12:00:09 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 164 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Time To Get A Job

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 03:08:13 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Joe: Hey babe! Guess what! I finally got a job interview!

Joe's GF: Aw, I'm so proud of you! After a year of hard work, you finally got one!

Joe: I would like to thank you for supporting me through my year of unemployment. Now, I'm gonna be able to support myself!

Joe's GF: Finally...

Joe: What was that?

Joe's GF:Nothing... What do you think got them?

Joe: I think the fact that I live on "God's green ass mother f*cking earth".

Joe's GF: That's a winner ever time.

Joe: Alright, I got to go to my interview now. Watch me nail this like a screwdriver.

(Later, in the waiting room)

Joe: Hi, I'm Joe, I'm here for the job interview.

Receptionist: Oh... Joe? Can you hold on a second? (Yells to the office) Hey! The guy with the horrible application is here! He actually thought he had a chance! (everyone in the office laughs at him)

Joe: Wait... What's going on here?

Boss: Haha, he lives on "God's green ass mother f*cking earth". What a weirdo.

Receptionist: All we wanted to do was to see if you were serious or not, or if you were even real.

Joe: Dammit. Not again...

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Dave's Speech Impediment

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 22:03:21 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Dave: Hey... Janet?

Janet: Yes, Dave?

Dave: Do you think you can let me know when Steph makes it into the office this morning? I... have something for her.

Janet: Um, sure thing, Dave. How would you like to be contacted?

Dave: Oh, here, let me give you my... extension.

Janet: Dave, please.

Dave: What?

Janet: You always have to make dirty comments and I'm sick of it. Ugh, you make me so goddamn uncomfortable!

Dave: No no no, it's a speech impediment I have! You've got to... trust me on this.

Janet: Oh yeah? Why didn't it happen before I lost all that weight?!

Dave: Now you're just... pulling stuff out of your ass *wink*

Janet: And what was that?!

Dave: Nervous tick.

Janet: You're so full of it, Dave.

Dave: It's all the yelling, I swear! It just makes things... harder... on me *wink*

Janet: I can't... I can't even talk to you. This is too weird.

Dave: I'm sorry, but I mean, imagine what it's like to be me! Just the other day I was at my father-in-law's funeral. Let's just say whoever decided to call death "going stiff" needs to die.

Janet: Wow, I never thought of it that way. *chuckles* You've got to admit though, that's pretty funny.

Dave: Don't laugh at me, you cunt.

Janet: ...

Dave: *wink*

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"The Moment Of Truth": The First Edition

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 23:41:21 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> If you haven't heard of this show, the premise is that people get asked seriously personal questions in exchange for some nice coin, hosted by Mark "not marky mark" Walberg. To make sure it's all truthful, they are strapped to a lie detector, and if they lie, they lose all their money. This is the first edition of the show that never got aired.

Mark Walberg: So Joe, you have your mother, your sister, your best friend-

Steve: Word up, Joey!

MW: Shut up. And your girlfriend is here as well

Misty: I love you baby!

MW: You shut up too. This is my show. Ok, on to the first question.

Joe: I'm ready, bring it on.

MW: First question: did you lie about doing your household chores when growing up?

Joe: ... um ... yeah

(the crowd erupts as a loud voice says "True")

Joe: Who didn't? I know leslie did it all the time

Leslie: Shut up you jerkwad!

Joe's Mom: I'm so dissappointed in you.

Joe: ... ok then. Next question please?

MW: Alright, next question: at the last party your fraternity had, did you suspect you best friend of stealing your alcohol?

Steve: C'mon Joey, you know me. I would never do that without asking you man.

Joe: um .. yeah, but I seriously don't mind-

Steve: How could you do this to me. I thought we we're friends man.

(the crowd erupts as the loud voice says "true")

Joe: Dude, I really don't care. What's my casa is your casa as well or something.

Misty: Baby, I never knew you were like this. I'm so shocked you can be this cold.

Joe: What?!

MW: Last question Joe. This one makes the other questions look like childsplay. Do you want to continue?

Joe: The last two were childsplay, so yeah.

MW: Here it is: do you often confuse your girlfriend with that one character fron the Pokemon cartoon series?

Joe: Woah ... wasn't expecting this one ...

Leslie: Dude, I haven't thought about that show since I stopped watching it in middle school.

Misty: Who are we taling about now? A character from a cartoon? That's ... embarassing, honey.

Joe: ... um ... yes

Steve: Dude. So nerdy.

(the crowd erupts as the loud voice says "true")

Misty: I'm breaking up with you.

Joe: Please don't baby. I'm so sorry.

Joe's Mom: I'm so dissappointed in you.

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Moments Before: ... Hard Core Trucking

Thu, 22 May 2008 15:49:59 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Ben and Sandree and making out in a truck. Necking turns into heavy petting, clothes are coming off. They are ready to intercourse one another.

Ben: God I wanna sleep with you for a year.

Sandree: Mmm... You smell like trout.

Ben: Baby, wait. I want our first time to be special.

Sandree: Shh...

Ben: Don't "Shh" me. I'm serious. Look at us. We're in a truck in the middle of nowhere. This isn't how I imagined it.

Sandree: But look outside, it's so snowy! You love snow don't you?

Ben: Obviously. Look at me.

Sandree: Okay. So let's steam up car and melt the ice off of the windshield... like in Titanic.

Ben: I don't watch movies. Why did we have to drive out to nowhere to make animal love to each other?

Sandree: Shut up and rape me.

Ben: No. Stop. Come on. I'm serious.

(A red truck drives up and parks next to the car)

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.7cc2e0696d5c5ce7891a75df31a50bd8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-22 15:49:59 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 150 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The Diary Of A Self-Proclaimed "Fartmeister"

Wed, 14 May 2008 20:36:48 -0400

Special thanks to Lisa and Oxnard for their help

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Moments Before: ...German Cheers

Mon, 05 May 2008 13:41:41 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Guy: 14 hours of travel later... here we are... Germany.

Girl: The country of love...

Waiter: HIER IST SEINE FLASCHEN!!!

Girl: OH MY GOD!!!

Guy: Let me check my book. Okay, according to this, he's whispering "Here are your beers."

Girl: Oh. Thank You!!!

Guy: Now we are supposed to clink our glasses together as hard as humanly possible and yell, "PROUST!"

Girl: Oh. Haha, Okay, be careful though, I can't get any beer on my black turtleneck.

They clink their mugs together

Girl: WATCH OUT! A droplette of beer almost landed near me!

Guy: Harder.

Girl: No.

They clink mugs again.

Girl: Okay, I definitely felt some beer land on my black turtleneck!

Guy: Harder. Now.

Girl: NO! This is my only black turtleneck. Our luggage was lost, remember?

Guy: When in Rome!

Girl: We were just IN Rome. We left because you hated it, remember?!

Guy: JETZT!!!!

They bang their mugs again. Beer spills over a little.

Girl: I WANNA GO HOME!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.7cc2e0696d5c5ce7891a75df31a50bd8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-05 13:41:41 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 96 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />