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8 Lies Women Tell Men (and Themselves)

1) "He will freak out when he sees these new sexy lace panties"Lace is not sexy. I have no idea where this idea came from. The fact that you are in panties, which cover fewer square inches of your body than clothes, is what's sexy. It wouldn't...

If I had a Frat when I was 12

Me: Okay, Rush Chair Jack, you're here... Social Chairs Matt and Tim are here, Vice President Zack is here... Secretary Dan, are we all present and ready to start?Dan: Dude, can you stop calling me secretary? Me: That's your job.Dan:  Yeah,...

Annoying Friends That You Have

Friend Who Makes Shit Up:"I was the one who started the saying "and then I found 5 dollars. I swear dude, cuz like one time I was telling a bad story and no one laughed-"Like this one.""Yeah, and then I remembered I'd found a fiver in my couch...

Honest Picnik Photo Albums, Part 2

Honest Facebook Photo Albums

Profile of Students in your Fiction Writing Class

Person who doesn't understand the word "fiction"Though they have changed their main character's name, the story seems eerily familiar. Maybe it's because it is a longer rendition of their Facebook status. Come on, we all know you are writing your...

If I was Trapped in a Bad Sitcom

Me: Hey, sorry to bother you. I have no idea how I got here, but- Tom: Why if isn't my crazy cousin Mike! Come in! (Studio audience cheers wildly) Me: ...I don't exactly get what's going on here. Tom: Yeah Mike, after those drugs...

Cybersex with Dell Chat Support

Devlgrl69: Hey baby where are you, im aching for u to be in me.Please hold, a representative will be with you shortly. You are 7th in line.Devlgrl69: Oooh, cum on, I cant wait much longer for u. Ur serving so many u bettr be good.(45 minutes later)...

Your High School Superlatives, Updated 15 Years From Now

Then: Class clownNow: Most likely to tell blowjob joke to 10 year oldThen: Most likely to succeedNow: Most likely to share with you ways in which they've succeededThen: Party animalNow: High school guidance counselorThen: Most likely to become a...

Gym Conversations, if they Existed

Me: Hey, I don't mean to interrupt, Guy Standing 2 Feet from the Mirror, I can tell you're focusing hard on snarling at your own reflection. I just wanted to know, are you going to use these free weights sitting by your feet or can I?Guy...

Why Facebook Chat Sucks

To: Jenna GoldenME: Hey Jen Jen, long time no talk right? I mean it's just that we knew each other waaaay back when, and i saw you on Facebook chat, I thought I'd give you a hollaME: I think it was like In like middle school or something. We had a...

Wardrobe Conversation

Pants on Floor: Oh God, did you see what Mike brought in last night? Shirt on Floor: Oh god, I barely made it in the room before those fake nails of hers tore me off so hard my zipper nearly broke off. I still smell like a Bacardi...

What your Bag says about you.

What does your backpack say about you?                The Frodo Baggins.  The same as The Trash Bag if The Trash Bag whined all the time, ate all your food, and made...

Unused Footage from Pizza Hut Tuscani Pasta Commercial

Tim takes Jenny out to a classy restaurant on their second date, making sure to wear his nicest dress shirt. Conversation is going great, and they both order the Tuscani pasta under heavy recommendation of the waiter. Jenny: ...and me and her used...

ESPN's trying to fill 8 channels during the eventless all-star break

Tuesday, July 16 12:00 PMESPN- SportscenterDescription- Through senile Woody Paige rants andgratuitous shots of Erin Andrews' cleavage,, watch analysts try to make last night's Home Run Derby seem more significant than what it was, batting...

How Ron Jeremy Changed My LIfe And Made Me Whole Again

I'd like to start of this testimonial by saying that the whole point of this is for all of you  to email Ron Jeremy with our burning questions so that he may respond, and have his video answer posted right here on College Humor.Let the saga...

How To Pass Your Final Exam

Why stress out during finals? If you just relax and take some advice from a pro, you'll find yourself sailing through exams and right into some hot, holiday lovin' with the chicks who will love you for acing your classes this year.Some pointers:1....

Finals Week At the Library

I am gonna kick some academic butt tonight. I am so ready to-- Wow, there are a lot of people here. I don't think I graduated with this many people. I didn't even know that many people go to this school. Did they let townies in or what? Alright,...

A Conversation Between The Average College Student and His Laptop

Day 2 1/2 without sleep for man or machine. Work accomplished: minimal. The situation is bleak. Student: tap-tap-tap-tap. Tap. Tap-tap-tap-tap... tap. Tap-tap... Fap? Tap... fap-fap-fa-- Laptop: Okay stop. We need to have a talk.Student: ...Wow....

Lies your brain tells you at 3 AM on a Monday

3:00 - Coffee? Check. Now I'll just let the caffeine sink in and work like a pro.3:01 - This is a perfect time to text my ex-girlfriend!3:07 - I'm not saving all my work until the last minute next weekend.3:10 - CollegeHumor updates late-night...