(Disclaimer: The following is true and nothing has been changed except the names the individuals involved, this takes place between January 30th and January 31st leading up to a salsa themed party)

By a show of Facebook message, please let me know if you're planning to attend the Salsa Lesson at 8pm on Saturday so I'll know if we'll have to split up some instruction times.

"Cheers"

-Nate

John
2:12pm Jan 30th
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who the fuck are you?

don't spam strangers, please.

Nate
11:04pm Jan 30th

Well FU buddy. Apparently you know Todd, Ben and Justin, I'm quite surprised they have such a stupid fuck for a friend. It looks as though Todd was nice enough to invite you to a party at my house this weekend via facebook. An event you haven't as of yet responded to, which is why you're getting messages from me. If you don't want to receive mail from this event, you'd do well to decline the offer and remove it from your events. With an attitude like that it's probably the only party you'll be invited to by anyone this year anyway.

Either way you're no longer invited, you suck at life.

"Cheers"

-Nate

John
5:54pm Jan 31st
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are you goddamn serious?

I restate my original question; "who the fuck are you?"
and post another: "who the fuck do you think you are?"

we've never met, personally, have we? therefore I don't know you, therefore we've never met. and honestly, with these words you've tossed in my direction, I hope we keep it that way. were you a man of honor and tact, you would have said something along the lines of "hi I'm nate I'm Todd's new roommate that's who I am you should come to our salsa party it'll be a rockin' good time well let us know if you can make it looking forward to meeting you cheers!". you have demonstrated yourself wonderfully, nate.

"I'm quite surprised they have such a stupid fuck for a friend." you really should be surprised at yourself, and how quickly you jump to a conclusion you have no evidence to support. I am neither stupid, nor a fuck, dear sir. funny, your profile makes you out to be a scientist, a scholar, a learner, a world traveler, no? and yet, you've reacted to the most nonchalant of "what's this? who the hell is this? what's going on?" in the manner of most of the 10-year-olds I've worked with. no, we'll say... 7 1/2. that is to say, brash, quick to judge, and most decidedly "uncool" and "completely, utterly immature" manner. Neanderthal behavior. you know nothing of Zen, nothing of the teachings of the Tao, nothing of virtue or Buddha or Christ or anything.

you're a piece of dogshit, and I highly suggest you eat some as well.

I also find it highly ironic and hypocritical that your prime directive seems to be calling out my 'attitude' when it seems clear to me that you desire to pick a fight with someone you haven't met, on facebook, no less. if that's not attitude, I don't know what is. CHILL THE FUCK OUT YOU WILD BASTARD.

"it looks as though Todd was nice enough to invite you to a party". yes, that was very nice of him. I was toying around with the idea of going. you acknowledge the niceness of Todd, yet you show none yourself. you're obviously no leader, in any way. you've no sense of virtue, of basic human qualities that are applicable to any situation, any interaction between peoples. you're no goddamn diplomat. and this is how you represent the find nation of the united kingdom. fuck that, you're doing a terrible job.

"With an attitude like that it's probably the only party you'll be invited to by anyone this year anyway." why such a blatant stab at the ego? We both know this isn't true, on what basis do you make such claims? You've never met me, and I highly doubt you will ever meet me, but I will have you know sir that I am the life of the party, 9 times out of 10. If you knew me, you'd be glad to know me, and already know that I'm quick of wit and sound of mind, will offer an ear of consolation to those close to me. In short, I'm a good person, that I know, and there aren't any petty words of yours that can take that away from me. I have humility, I'm very Zen about things, I'm patient above all else.

Zen and patience you have none of, dear sir.

in response;

"I bite my thumb at you sir"

"who the fuck do you think you are"

here's who I think you are; an egomaniac, someone who thinks he's right every single time, someone who is quick to judge, someone who might be trying his very best but is still terrible at the most basic of things. Someone who could never be a pious, holy man or a messiah, someone who would be far more likely to lash out violently, in a fit of alcohol-fueled rage. Someone, who, by lack of tact and character very much should not be having parties, as their toxic personality can only stand to worsen the lives of those around them. I see a man, in ten years time, with not a single friend in the world. I see an alcoholic, a financial failure, I see a man losing women to younger, better looking, overall better men. I see a man, who just might be terrible enough to find god. You get me?

Just kidding I don't think you'll ever find god or yourself in fact I hope you never do.

Do you now understand how it feels to fall victim to outrageous claims?

In conclusion,

dear sir

I wish only the worst onto you. I wish you no physical harm. Yet I will pray daily for your constant suffering and failure in all aspects of life. I wish for creatures from spirit worlds not yet known to us to haunt your dreams, for paranoia and fear to envelope every moment of your waking life as well. I wish for all your youth, all your optimism, to be swallowed up into the deepest depths of the darkest black void beneath. I wish for your every relationship with any woman to fail, for you to develop a reputation for ruining peoples' lives. I wish the smell of sewage into your very sinus cavities, I wish images of death and suffering to pepper your existence. I wish you car problems. I wish you visa problems. I wish you federal offenses, unfair trials, I wish you car exhaust. I wish for any dream you have, any goal, anything you desire, to never, ever be realized in your tiny lifetime. I wish you poverty. I wish you ignorance. I wish you discrimination, prejudice against you. I wish you upset stomachs and brutal hangovers. I wish you terrible, foul smelling gas, at every, single, inopportune moment. I wish you failed job interviews. I wish you constant delays, terrible B.O. that no one will ever tell you about but will talk shit about behind your back because of. I wish that everything you ever touch you ever love will turn cold as ice and die. I wish you failed classes, forever. I wish you a bald head. I wish you completely overweight in 8 years. I wish your life force, your chi your mana whatever you want to call it, to poison you, slowly, painfully. I WISH YOU DIARRHEA, EVERY SINGLE DAY. I wish you dead plants. I wish you cholesterol problems, cancer, rabies, and ACNE. I wish you meth, and crack problems.

I hope you truly suffer at everything you do

DO NOT EVER FUCK WITH ME

YOU ARE THE WORST OF ALL YOU ARE MEAN TO PEOPLE YOU DONT KNOW YOU ARE MEAN TO STRANGERS YOU HATE CHILDREN

ME I'M NICE TO EVERYBODY UNLESS I FEEL I'VE BEEN WRONGED

sorry if that came off as a little over the top or crazy

if you knew me you'd know that's who I am.

and you'd know I hate things such as prejudice judging people prematurely, impatience, assuming things you know nothing about, etc. especially when aimed as a personal attack at me.

if you have anything to say in your defense, as well as any kind of apology towards me, I will rescind these terrible statements. otherwise, consider the void and I to be waging constant battle against you, you insolent cur....

TAKE TIME TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE

BEFORE YOU RESORT TO SLANDER

IT WONT GET YOU ANYWHERE

IN LIFE

IF YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT NO RESPONSIBILITY

AND FEEL YOU ARE RIGHT IN CALLING ME

A STUPID FAG, AND THAT I'M TERRIBLE AT LIFE

THEN YOU GET EVERYTHING YOU DESERVE

YOU GODDAMN WANKER PIECE OF SHIT FROM ACROSS THE POND

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FINE STATE OF COLORADO

that is, if you have no remorse for such casual slanderous statements, if you do, then there just may be hope for you yet.

PS I know all this shits crazy, but you fucking spat on my honor dude, wisen up! I won't just stand here and take this shit from anyone, especially some random brit. you brits are supposed to be cool, dammit!

so, in conclusion, I only hope for Todd's sake you're not as big of an asshole to him and Ben and Justin. yet I think, in my heart of hearts, I know you are, and that saddens me.

INSOLENT CUR

John
5:55pm Jan 31st
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PS I AM VERY POPULAR WITH EVERYONE I MEET

Nate
7:38pm Jan 31st

Whatever mate, I hope you had a great time writing all of that. I spent about 5 seconds assessing the length and said screw it. I have better things to do with my time then to waste it on writing Facebook messages stupid people that try to sound smart with Shakespearian insults coupled with remarks about dogshit (classy) . However I can see that you don't. Perhaps you should get off your sudo-intellectual high horse and get a girlfriend...correction, boyfriend. In fact, anything would help. All the best!

"Cheers"

-Nate

John
7:41pm Jan 31st
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OH MY GOD FUCK YOU

YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING FAG

FUCK YOU

YOU GODDAMN FUCKING BRITISH FAG ASSHOLE

THE END

John
7:41pm Jan 31st
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FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

John
7:44pm Jan 31st
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I CHALLENGE YOU TO A GODDAMN DUEL YOU FUCKING COWARD