Columbia

Kanye Tops Merriam-Webster's "New Words" list '09

Kanye [con-YAY] noun.-to believe the world revolves around you.-to act oblivious or in direct opposition of social customs whilst considering oneself "cool".-to declare oneself the spokesperson for a generation and "...

Conversations I have with my shitty Wi-Fi signal

Me: Okay, computer on, Wi-Fi signal you there?Wi-Fi:...Me: Wi-Fi come on, I know you're out there.Wi-Fi: Huh? Oh yeah I'm here. Right here boss, four whole bars of signal armed and ready!Me: Alright, great, ready to browse the web?Wi-Fi: Sure......

1977 Movie pitch

As I'm sure audiences this weekend are flocking to theaters to check out the latest spoof movie "Disaster Movie" some may be wondering where this genius of parody first originated from. This latest comedic hit comes from writers/directors Jason...

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN'S "THE HAPPENING"

"suprise ending" All the trees bushes and flowers on the east coast of the united states are joining forces and sending out a neuro toxin which causes all humans in the area to commit suicide. THERE I JUST SAVED YOU 1O BUCKS AND TWO HOURS OF YOUR...

Realistic School Mascots

The First Frat Party

Your Mom Joins Facebook

Unlikely Fashion Cover

CNN Hires Perez Hilton

Your Job According To Your Shoes

My Oscar Preditions

The Oscar nominations came out today and boy what a group it is. Everyone in Hollywood has been talking about it all day. I decided to throw together my list of predictions for who will actually win.BEST CLICHE ROLE OF PALE, ECCENTRIC GUY FOR...

Have You Heard The New Radiohead Album?

Hey man, have you heard the new Radiohead album? God, it's monumental. It's like larger than music, it transcends sound itself, it's just like listening to life. I feel that Radiohead is the only band that really matters right now. Pitchfork gave...

What Your Dorm Posters Say About You

I watch you while you sleep.

Why Flickr Sponsered Presidential Debate Didn't Really Work

God Comes Home On The Sixth Day To Rest On The Seventh

(Car screeches up to a house in a quiet neighborhood in heaven at night) God - Hey thanks Peter I really apprecia- Mrs. God - JUST WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! (Peter races off into the night) God - I was at work. Mrs. God - Oh yeah, sure, it's always...

My Unfinished Summer Checklist

Articles I Wrote Which Were Rejected By CollegeHumor

My Review of Memoirs of A GeishaWhy Chuck Norris Jokes Are Back In A Big WayJessica Alba; I Don't Get ItAnalysis of Your Dreams That Will Just Make You Worry You're GayThe Pro's and Con's of Compression ShortsDarfur: There's Gotta Be A Joke In...

Roll The Dice: Andrew Dice Clay's Weekly Advice Column

Q: My boyfriend recently went on anti-depressant medication and as a result can't get an erection. What can we do in order to not lose our sex life?-Taylor in Billings, MTAndrew Dice Clay: Here's what you do sweet cheeks: you tell your pathetic...

Unaired Dane Cook Special

This is a good crowd, you guys are great. G-R-A-T-E.Audience Member: That's not how you spell great. Anyways, yesterday I went to the Home Depot, or as I like to call it, the Home Depositum, that's latin. I like to speak latin sometimes, it's...

Prepare For The Most Sensual Night of Your Life

Baby I hope you're ready for the most hedonistic night of your life. I'm gonna make you a delicious dinner of artichoke crowns and stuffed saffron-scented crab. A few glasses of red wine and before you know it we'll be relaxing in my jacuzzi. You...