CollegeHumor: Columbia Stuff

Race Your Face Off

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:19:50 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1923053"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/6/collegehumor.26dcfb5b7f1c4ea9109775664ec926b2.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:614130">Scott Sandalow</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1923053">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Kanye Tops Merriam-Webster's "New Words" list '09

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:34:40 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Kanye [con-YAY]

noun.

-to believe the world revolves around you.
-to act oblivious or in direct opposition of social customs whilst considering oneself "cool".
-to declare oneself the spokesperson for a generation and "guiding" said generation with crappy rhymes and autotune.
-to ruin another persons moment of recognition.

Synonyms:
-douche, douche-bag, ass-clown, douche-nozzle, moron, prick, "special", nut-case, and Kevin Federline.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:143585"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/f/collegehumor.c84527be305c66b89911a62fcac8fb65.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:143585">Fejj</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791481">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

maybe they're getting too accurate...

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 22:55:50 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1918575"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/1/collegehumor.bf8a2234c5fd2529d88df1411ebf0010.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:49507">Josh</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1918575">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Conversations I have with my shitty Wi-Fi signal

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 02:05:58 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Me: Okay, computer on, Wi-Fi signal you there?
Wi-Fi:...
Me: Wi-Fi come on, I know you're out there.
Wi-Fi: Huh? Oh yeah I'm here. Right here boss, four whole bars of signal armed and ready!
Me: Alright, great, ready to browse the web?
Wi-Fi: Sure... oh wait, two bars... Just give me one second let me get warmed up...
Me: Okay I'm opening Firefox.
Wi-Fi: No wait zero bars I'm not ready!
(page not displayed)
Me: Alright Wi-Fi just tell me when you're ready.
Wi-Fi:... one bar
Me: Okay then I'm gonna try reloading the page.
Wi-Fi: Okay, three bars here you are boss.
Me: Great, I'm just gonna go into G-mail now and load it up.
Wi-Fi: Okay loading... loading... one bar... loading...
Me: Whenever you're ready.
Wi-Fi: You might want to hit the reload button.
Me: Damn, okay okay, reload.
Wi-Fi: And two bars... we're good, here are your messages.
Me: Cool, anyone to chat with?
Wi-Fi: Unable to load G-mail chat at this time.
Me: Could you at least try again?
Wi-Fi:...
Me: Wi-Fi?
Wi-Fi:... zero bars.
Me: Wi-Fi where'd you go?
Wi-Fi: Zero bars. I'm not here anymore.
Me: What do you mean you're not here anymore? You were just here a second ago.
Wi-Fi: Yeah, but now I'm not.
Me: Well where'd you go?
Wi-Fi: I don't know, try moving your laptop around...
Me: Okay... anything yet?
Wi-Fi: ...Three bars.
Me: You got something?
Wi-Fi: No just bullshiting you, zero bars. You might want to check your signal.
Me: Okay just gonna click on you again and...
Wi-Fi: There was an error joining my network.
Me: What?
Wi-Fi: There was an error, you can't join but you can try again.
Me: What error?
Wi-Fi: I don't know, an error. Would you like to try again?
Me: But if I don't know what the error is how am I supposed to fix it just by trying again?
Wi-Fi: Just try again I'll get it this time.
Me: Okay...
Wi-Fi:... there was an error joining the network.
Me: Big suprise.
Wi-Fi: Would you like to try again?
Me: Fuck you.
Wi-Fi: Would you like to try again?
Me: No, I would like you to connect me to the internet.
Wi-Fi: But I'm not here.
Me: Yes you are.
Wi-Fi: No I'm not.
Me: Yes you are, I can see you. You're right there inbetween Batcave69 and MorpheusVamp1138.
Wi-Fi: You might see me there but that doesn't mean I'm there.
Me: That doesn't make any sense! If I see you there you're there! If I don't see you there you're not there! I can see you there, listed, not to mention I've been talking to you this whole time! You're there! Now please! Connect me to the internet!
Wi-Fi:.............
Me:..........
Wi-Fi:..... four bars.
Me: Thank you!
Wi-Fi: I mean one bar.
Me: Motherfucker!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:955159"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/a/collegehumor.130440b890101081310bdfda9c5db6f2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:955159">AJay G</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788245">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

I thought Predator 2 was the porno.

Fri, 22 May 2009 01:26:17 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1911918"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/f/collegehumor.35688c3ad5cd8e36d5f32a8fe00aad71.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:143585">Fejj</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1911918">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Bueller?

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:56:50 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1906270"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/a/collegehumor.bdd9bcb41eca49267097a58add084578.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:955159">AJay G</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1906270">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Game Over By Kyle Cogan

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 10:14:42 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1903445"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/9/collegehumor.9a56548568f7a0d21b06a8f9cbde7365.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1948408">Kyle Cogan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Porno VS College

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 00:01:07 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1901937"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.e640829c2d377218c5ca85d409b23afb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:955159">AJay G</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1901937">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

In Japan this is like the Statue of Liberty.

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 02:38:00 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1901928"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/d/collegehumor.9af0c54908e58dde3c2cf28df93d82e8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:955159">AJay G</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Amazing package opener

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 00:13:28 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1895088"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/2/collegehumor.85ad65c87135601392ce74f2e25fad5b.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:955159">AJay G</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1895088">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Robert Downey Jr. Tropic Thunder Costume

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 22:29:36 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1888563"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/7/collegehumor.227907f673ec5095fa0ba2c79c704821.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:955159">AJay G</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1888563">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Kid: "That tickles." Roo: "That's what she said!" Kid: "Holly Crap! You can talk."

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 18:56:33 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1886008"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/7/collegehumor.1c414829f2dddbb29b6af027ba86283f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:477437">Push</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1886008">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Creepy clown... enough said.

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 18:41:38 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1886002"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/a/collegehumor.9db18674776ee9af0dfced2a788df72f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:477437">Push</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1886002">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

E-stalking Cafe Coming Soon!!!

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 12:52:08 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1885586"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/5/collegehumor.4371abbc6cd873097749af550d2fe104.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:477437">Push</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1885586">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The shoppe owner went to the Redundant School of Redundancy for the Chronically Redundant

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 10:47:00 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1832371"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/6/collegehumor.1c2492942a8a190be2504576b9155f09.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:49507">Josh</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 13 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Zack and Miri Make a Porno Redband Trailer

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 15:18:11 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1829091"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/2/collegehumor.862e66ab2e20a2a1b80be15223f1c45c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:955159">AJay G</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1829091">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

1977 Movie pitch

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 13:22:38 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> As I'm sure audiences this weekend are flocking to theaters to check out the latest spoof movie "Disaster Movie" some may be wondering where this genius of parody first originated from. This latest comedic hit comes from writers/directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. Graduating from Harvard University at the age of 12, they were the youngest students ever to recieve doctorates in quantum mechanics and economics respectivly from this Ivy league school. But their love of the cinema outweighed their passion for the study of black holes and capital goods and they soon found themselves on the road to Hollywood writing scripted parodies for the latest hit movies they had had the pleasure of viewing the trailers to. In 1978 Friedberg and Seltzer made it to Hollywood and pitched their first film to a Paramount executive. This is a page from what is thought to be the lost transcript of that pitch:

Friedberg: Okay, so we start out in a military landing strip around the Devil's Tower like in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, but the tower is actually made out of mashed potatoes.

Seltzer: Then the mothership lands in front of all the scientists and starts flashing its lights. The scientists stand there in awe of the ship as it humms a magical tune, but then a disco ball decends from the middle of the ship and the mothership starts playing the Bee-Gees!

Friedberg: The entire place turns into a roller disco club like out of Saturday Night Fever right?

Seltzer: Wait, roller disco?

Friedberg: I don't know, I only saw the trailer. Anyway, we see this funky guy dressed in Travolta's disco suit from the movie walk out of the crowd, and he turns around and...

Seltzer: It's Woody Allen!

Friedberg: Yeah that was my idea, and then Woody Allen starts disco dancing under the mothership!

Seltzer: And... sorry can I have a juice box?

Friedberg: Yeah me too, fruit punch please...

(slurping)

Seltzer: And as soon as Woody stops dancing he goes into one of his monologues where he starts talking directly to the camera when suddenly-

Friedberg: BAM! He's hit by the Mellenium Falcon from Star Wars and guess who's driving it? BURT.... FUCKING... REYNOLDS!

Seltzer: THE FUCKING BANDIT!

Friedberg: That's right!

Seltzer: And he's got Annie Hall sitting next to him-

Friedberg: Yeah and... wait no he's riding with Sally Field not Annie Hall.

Seltzer: No it's Annie Hall.

Friedberg: No that doesn't make any sense!

Seltzer: We agreed on Annie Hall this morning when we were thinking up this pitch!

Friedberg: Did not!

Seltzer: Did too!

Friedberg: Did not.

Seltzer: Did too.

Friedberg: didnotdidnotdidnotdidnot
Seltzer: didtoodidtoodidtoodidtoo
(this goes on for about five minutes)

Seltzer: Did too plus infinity plus one!

Friedberg: That is so unfair Aaron!

(cries and slurps juice box)

Seltzer: And then Annie Hall and the Bandit scream and CRASH the Falcon into the mountain of mashed potatoes!

Friedberg: And the shark from Jaws bites the pants off Jimmy Carter.

(laughter)

Seltzer: Did you just think of that?

Friedberg: Yeah, just now!

Seltzer: Genius...

Unfortunetly the studio exects at the time didn't appriciate the kind of humor offered by these juvinile minds and decided instead to go with the idea pitched by David Zucker and Jim Abrahams about some aircraft that serves bad fish on a flight. Some consider it to be Paramounts greatest mistake ever and blame it for why there is so much death and suffering in the world... those people, however, are a part of the Westboro Baptist Chuch and they think that about everything.

But that setback didn't stop Friedberg and Seltzer, these two fine young men were so intelligent that, through numerous and complex mathematical equations, they could actually predict random pop culture occurances for the next thirty years. And so at the age of 12 these two fine young filmmakers started writing scripts so incredibly funny and so far ahead of their time they actually had to wait decades before the actual movies they were spoofing could be produced. So sure were they that the movies they were spoofing would one day be released, that as a pact between the two, Friedberg and Seltzer agreed they would never re-write the original drafts they wrote for the films when they were 12. And as the years have proven, their genius has no limitation.

And so a salute to Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. You truly are kings among men.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:955159"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/a/collegehumor.130440b890101081310bdfda9c5db6f2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:955159">AJay G</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1761418">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN'S "THE HAPPENING"

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 00:25:10 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> "suprise ending" All the trees bushes and flowers on the east coast of the united states are joining forces and sending out a neuro toxin which causes all humans in the area to commit suicide. THERE I JUST SAVED YOU 1O BUCKS AND TWO HOURS OF YOUR LIFE!!!!

........You'll thank me later

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:396817"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/f/collegehumor.c5fb2e51415de696129a32af5f622368.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:396817">Jay</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1757495">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Flash Gordon visits 1953

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:53:59 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1819438"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/9/collegehumor.ceabf166be6587df7e8cbc699fd0b891.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:955159">AJay G</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1819438">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Realistic School Mascots

Tue, 13 May 2008 20:15:03 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:567573"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/f/collegehumor.e31544b8506a4c9b09a2185fcc8e2f40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:567573">Dean</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />