CollegeHumor: Cornell Stuff http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1926535 Grudge Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:36:17 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1926535 Grudge nonadult comedy <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1926535"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/7/0/collegehumor.f6fca1e7474377080f0d0970736c564a.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1767370">Angela</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1926535">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1924605 That deamon Mon, 02 Nov 2009 02:06:50 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1924605 That deamon nonadult comedy <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1924605"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/6/collegehumor.58e42c6b3e697e2af12e6a06e90d55c9.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1295012">Jaz</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1924605">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1913469 Do you like fishsticks? Fri, 05 Jun 2009 20:27:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1913469 Do you like fishsticks? nonadult comedy Do you like fishsticks? fish, fish tank, blow up, penis, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1913469"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/4/collegehumor.3761e8c137f3bfcb2ebf8ba4e443a232.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1699373">Rich</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 20 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1909813 "All in all not a horrible night. I'd even venture to call it a success." Mon, 04 May 2009 10:59:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1909813 "All in all not a horrible night. I'd even venture to call it a success." nonadult comedy "All in all not a horrible night. I'd even venture to call it a success." puke, throw up, passed out, drunk, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1909813"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/5/collegehumor.c42dd44c2f7fc5753873e2e50234c0bd.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1634651">Mike B</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 50 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774554 The girl who loved too much Wed, 22 Apr 2009 14:50:46 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774554 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> I once read a book called The Dog Who Loved Too Much. As you can imagine, it concerned a dog that loved its unappreciative owner too much. The loyal canine never seemed to understand why it was being kicked, hit with a newspaper, and verbally degraded, and eventually was abandoned by its owner. I find this story to be an inspiration toward this next article, in which I will address an issue titled The Girl Who Loved Too Much. Due to some extremely insensitive moments that may promote an attempt on my life by the females reading this, we will pretend this male character is NOT me. This article is meant to be educational; however, if the material gets too graphic and/or makes you wonder why men like this are placed on earth, by all means stop reading.
    Let's begin by naming our characters. We will call the girl Roxanne and the guy, Ted. Ted and Roxanne met at work, and began talking and hanging out regularly. Roxanne resided a couple towns over. Ted liked the fact that Roxanne had a big house, and drove nice cars, but more importantly, she was blonde.
Her parents would grow to hate Ted. He never understood why, but Roxanne insisted it was the time her parents walked in on them banging on the top of the washing machine. Who knew parents did laundry on Wednesday? Anyways, Ted rarely kept a relationship more than two weeks long, and this one was nearing the two week mark, although Ted resisted giving Roxanne the boot. Why you ask? Allow me to explain.
    Imagine walking around with an instant erection reliever. It would do exactly what it sounds like it would do, relieve an erection on command. And that's what Roxanne was, an "erection reliever workhorse." All it took was a poke in the upper leg to signify a need for immediate erection relief, and WALA, you guessed it, Ted no longer had an erection. Like anything you binge on though, after a while you almost get nauseas at the thought of it. It would happen to Ted. Sex with Roxanne would begin to make him sick to his stomach, and would often require extreme amounts of determination and will power to get through. Let Ted's unselfishness be a model to all of you readers.
    Now that the expert erection reliever was growing stale, Ted assumed it was time to call it quits. But why didn't he? Not only was Roxanne a connoisseur of erection relief, she also insisted that expensive gifts and meals on her were things Ted deserved.
    For time sake, we will assume Roxanne spent much more money on Ted than Ted ever spent on Roxanne and on top of that, copious amounts of meaningless sex. Ted would eventually end it. Roxanne went to a different school (about an hour away) so he broke up with her over the phone...between classes (ALWAYS leave yourself a hang up reason!!!). After the break up, Ted began receiving hateful emails, texts and facebook messages. She even sent a card telling Ted how much of an asshole he was and how no human being should ever like him. Ted assumed she didn't mean all of this and was simply taking it really hard, so he returned the favor and sent her a get well card. Ted soon found out; however, that Roxanne was NOT on the same page.
    Time passed and Roxanne understood that Ted was actually a great human being, and called him asking if she could visit to talk civilly about the situation. Ted agreed; he hadn't had sex in a week, and couldn't pass up a visit from the erection fairy. To Ted's delight, Roxanne hadn't changed a bit. They fucked like rabbits the whole day, and she capped it off by buying him a Quizno's Sub AND paying for his new cell phone. After returning to the dorm, they had one last session, concluding with Roxanne reminding Ted of why she was there, "to talk civilly about the situation." Ted told her that his feelings hadn't changed... In a fit of fists, tears and KY jelly; Roxanne fled the room, out the door and to her car. Ted remained in bed. A couple minutes later he received a call. "(sniffle. sniffle) can you please (cough. cough) come out (sniffle. sniffle) to the car and talk to me?" Ted opened his window, felt the frigged air, saw the snow on the ground and responded. "It's too cold, I only have shorts on and no socks, please drive home safe, the roads look terrible." Ted still hasn't heard from Roxanne to this day.
    Now is where I explain to you why I pleasured all of you with such a fantastic excerpt from a man named Ted's life. It's pretty simple actually; those that try too hard to overachieve in a relationship are shit out of luck. We have all been there, we either try so hard to please the other person, or find them trying to please us to be overwhelming. Don't hate yourself for this, but understand what is happening. It really has nothing to do with them; it is usually because of you. The reason people try and overachieve in a relationship is because they are insecure with their abilities as a boyfriend, or girlfriend. If you think about it, it's quite obvious. Over-pleasing, or over-indulging the other person means you are trying to make up for something, which is usually your confidence. Most relationships that begin with an overachiever in the mix are GREAT, absolutely amazing, nothing could ever change it!!! But will soon follow with I-hate-yous, never-talk-to-me-agains, etc. Don't be alarmed, this doesn't mean getting flowers for your significant other is going to result in separation. In fact, flowers once in a while never hurt anyone, and will most definitely get you laid. However, when one person thinks the only way to their significant other's heart is total submission and material gifts, we have a problem
    Believe me when I say this, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, wants a little chase in the beginning of their relationship. There is no chase with an overachiever. In most cases the overachiever will set the bar too high at the start of the relationship and struggle to meet the same expectations day in and day out.
    There are many ways you can avoid this scenario though.
    We all love the unknown. I wonder what he/she is thinking. Will we have sex tonight? Is he/she really that into me? It's these unknowns that foster an awesome relationship. And like anything else in the world, it takes work to get results, so make your significant other work for your attention, sex and surprises. Never let it become an expectation that you will have sex that night, or pay for the next meal. When that becomes the case, you have basically become a dog, with a leash, expected to come when called.
    So even though you think this guy/girl might be the one you want to hold on to for a while, resist over-indulging, resist being submissive to their wants, and resist setting the bar too high at the beginning. If you don't resist these temptations I guarantee you will be a sad, single, broke individual. Be confident in your 5 inch dick and what it has to offer as a person, fuck your wallet.

 


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1996300"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/b/collegehumor.1db7557d69cffda2479de0cb4b62a836.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1996300">Mustafa Powel</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1903148 Headin to Daddy Greene's pizza... Fri, 06 Mar 2009 23:12:03 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1903148 Headin to Daddy Greene's pizza... nonadult comedy <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1903148"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/4/collegehumor.8b62afdaf9af7c759b93e924d96d4e39.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:82593">BigBman</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1903148">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1897469 In case there was any confusion.... Tue, 20 Jan 2009 12:08:08 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1897469 In case there was any confusion.... nonadult comedy This photo was above a toilet in Tokyo. There's probably some poignant statement to be made about Japanese culture and how this sign came to be, but I'm too busy giggling trying to picture it. <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1897469"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/7/a/collegehumor.42f5e197d991fa589c62093a56d94af5.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:327243">Dan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1897469">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1897467 Shark Prevention Net Tue, 20 Jan 2009 12:01:45 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1897467 Shark Prevention Net nonadult comedy This sign was posted on a beach on a small island just outside Hong Kong. <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1897467"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/0/collegehumor.7e8a413a49585d4983810df021defbf8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:327243">Dan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1897467">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1896425 "The picture being held up to my back is a mirror image of China. My birthmark is essentially identical. Maybe it means I'm the next Emperor." Tue, 13 Jan 2009 10:07:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1896425 "The picture being held up to my back is a mirror image of China. My birthmark is essentially identical. Maybe it means I'm the next Emperor." nonadult comedy "The picture being held up to my back is a mirror image of China. My birthmark is essentially identical. Maybe it means I'm the next Emperor." birthmark, china, emperor, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1896425"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/2/collegehumor.d7509d681d30e0d44ec0dd82ca8e3bd0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1230013">Gabe</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 73 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1823946 Rejected McDonald's Commercial Tue, 22 Jul 2008 19:59:03 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1823946 Rejected McDonald's Commercial nonadult comedy In June of 2008 McDonald's held a fan-made commercial contest. The following video came in 12,989st place, dead last. <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1823946"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/9/collegehumor.3dfc4f930edd47a6de6d3bc91c38e0cd.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1885515">Jeff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1815259 You gotta do what you gotta do! Fri, 09 May 2008 17:12:01 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1815259 You gotta do what you gotta do! nonadult comedy <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1815259"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/c/collegehumor.03542a425d16b0296188b1ccf0cdb03f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1277824">J Livs</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1814606 Vitamin Water Ownage Mon, 05 May 2008 14:59:32 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1814606 Vitamin Water Ownage nonadult comedy My roommates and I collected over a 100 bottles and stacked them against our friend's door. Needless to say they were a bit surprised when they woke up. <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1814606"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/3/collegehumor.4041666f34cba8fa83244a83e3b5917c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1187727">Jon Kaplan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1814346 SAE shots at The Hardrock Cafe in Montreal Sat, 03 May 2008 20:19:33 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1814346 SAE shots at The Hardrock Cafe in Montreal nonadult comedy on a fraternity trip to Montreal we stopped in to the hardrock for a round of shots <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1814346"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/e/collegehumor.31ef16f6e8e66062e0cdb17ecf8273a1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1338396">Alexander</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1814344 where's my dildo? Sat, 03 May 2008 20:16:04 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1814344 where's my dildo? nonadult comedy These are the drunken ramblings of an American in Montreal who has recently lost something very precious to him <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1814344"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/c/collegehumor.f1fe0456826933674c99bfcc56b85ce2.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1338396">Alexander</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1814344">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1808759 Chinese DVDs Thu, 27 Mar 2008 15:50:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1808759 Chinese DVDs nonadult comedy In Chinese supermarkets, the softcore porn and children's movies share a shelf. If only sex-ed courses in America were so entertaining.... <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1808759"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/5/collegehumor.e3355a008276699f5d5bb065aa635ba2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:327243">Dan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1808759">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1808758 Engrish in China Thu, 27 Mar 2008 15:47:43 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1808758 Engrish in China nonadult comedy These signs were all over Peking University in Beijing, China. I wonder what this says about the quality of their English department? <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1808758"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/2/collegehumor.db98f0fa72fe24a526a941929a10c384.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:327243">Dan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1808758">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1807560 Teen Wolf Redux: Less Hair, More Irish Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:59:25 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1807560 Teen Wolf Redux: Less Hair, More Irish nonadult comedy A late night in Ireland a while ago, we scared the crap out of a bunch of people going around our hostel like this... No one survived <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1807560"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/2/collegehumor.1f18898367fc337630852352c0c16698.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1538729">Mac</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1807560">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1806259 That party-hat Guy Mon, 10 Mar 2008 22:28:18 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1806259 That party-hat Guy nonadult comedy Everyone loves party hats, and everyone loves ruining heartfelt moments. <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1806259"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/7/collegehumor.457bdef616bf5c9f7ea72e1732c2c95c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1538729">Mac</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1806259">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1802354 Really? Fri, 15 Feb 2008 18:04:18 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1802354 Really? nonadult comedy <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1802354"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/4/collegehumor.72c9a941b77a8755cb3b14a400dc6e2f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1295012">Jaz</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1802354">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1802208 So we were sitting in the library and a kid got pissed off at this kid and threw an eraser at him. Thu, 14 Feb 2008 22:01:04 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1802208 So we were sitting in the library and a kid got pissed off at this kid and threw an eraser at him. nonadult comedy <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1802208"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/4/collegehumor.8157d5393044c904a24742a4c1d6cd98.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1295012">Jaz</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:35"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1802208">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />