It may only be a 50 minute class, but there is nothing like the feeling I get right as it's about to begin. I have to take a deep breath and realize that it's the longest possible time until class is over. If we're watching a movie or something like that I'll gladly go to class with relief on my mind. Otherwise I know I'll be dealing with the typical bullsh*t I hear every day.

They let the students choose the type of music to listen to throughout class....and their CD case is filled with reggae and classic rock.
You have to keep your name tag on your desk, five weeks into the semester because the professor claims to be "bad with names".
Long Hair....'nuff said
They say cliché things with a smile on their face like "I've been to college too" to try and hint towards their rebellious pasts.
It's an art teacher.
They are late to class and take extremely long to grade/return assignments.
When you wear a tie-dyed shirt to class, the nod their head and wink at you while saying "I get it."
He or she is constantly snacking on food.
They give long, rambling, go nowhere speeches that fail to make any kind of point.
When they see you do it.....you don't get in any trouble.

If any of your professors meet one or more of these criteria.....there's a good chance they've toked on some bud at some point in their life. 

He doesn't use guns - Let me rephrase that. He doesn't shoot guns. He has used guns as a source of distraction or a blunt object to beat up some henchman with. The funny thing is that he's against firing guns but has no problem shooting a mortar he made out of a muffler, some gasoline, and some cushion from a car seat.

He can make anything out of anything - Seriously. Don't believe me? Some examples of this include a telescope out of a newspaper and magnifying glass, a catapult made out of a few trees, and a torch made out of a bike and some rust. Watch the show.....he's a scientific genius. I've seen him trick a high-tech helicopter into thinking a reflection of sunlight is a laser ignition key. Sound complicated? Not to MacGyver.

His name is Angus - That's no joke. Don't bring it up to him.

His boss is a real man - In real life, Dana Elcar the actor who portrays Pete Thornton (MacGyver's long-time friend and boss) was diagnosed with glaucoma and he began to go blind. Rather than let that beat him and retire, they decided to write it into his character and make it a part of the show. Also, he got to play King Arthur (more on that later).

He doesn't need to torture - MacGyver is better than that. He uses his wit and quick thinking to get him out of any situation any information from any enemy. His ability to sarcastically throw verbal jabs at his rivals is unmatched. Many have had their self esteem lowered with just a few comments from the one with the mullet.

He traveled through time - This last one could be an entire article on MacGyver's greatness all by itself. By the seventh season, it seemed that the writers got tired of ideas and following logic and just wanted to have fun....or maybe raise ratings. Anyway, what resulted from this is MacGyver traveling back in time after being hit on the head by a falling plant. He ends up crossing paths with Merlin in what is supposed to be medieval times (yet we never actually see a castle).

Apparently wizards had to have stars and moons on their outfit.

What makes this so great is that the writers treat Merlin as nothing more than a glorified magician playing tricks on the idiotic knights and king, using optical illusions to make it seem like he has magical powers. After Mac embarrasses him, clears his name of attempted murder, and saves his life multiple times, the two embark on a journey to an evil witch's castle. Along the way MacGyver finds out the witch has invented gunpowder and he must put a stop to it. In the end of this two part episode (yes.....it was important enough to get two full episodes) MacGyver ends up NOT saving the day, but getting shot directly in the head with history's first bullet. That's how his time travel fantasy ends. With a headshot that kills him. He wakes up and it seems as if it was all a dream......until he reaches into his pocket and pulls out something the King gave him. So somehow he traveled back in time by getting hit in the head. That's badass.

I could go on and on about the degrees of excellence that MacGyver has. He is a patriot and a hero. Someone who should not be forgotten about soon.

Weight lifting is what separates the men from the boys on any college campus.  Nothing proves one's manliness better than their ability to violently lift massive amounts of steel plates through various ranges of motion.  Asides from the numerous health benefits, weight training also improves one's appearance and helps to inflate one's sense of self-esteem.  For those of you who have yet to begin your journey into manhood by beginning to lift weights, I have comprised a beginners guide to becoming a better weight lifter. 

1)  Hit the bench-  In a perfect world, the only exercise a man should ever have to do would be the bench press.  While most experts would contend that bench pressing is among the least beneficial exercises for the body, it cannot be denied that there are few greater ways to measure one's manhood.   If you can out bench someone, you know you are better than they are, end of story.  You should try to fill out the rest of your routine with exercises that will specifically develop your arm muscles.   Big arms are necessary for survival in today's society.  It is also wise to avoid doing any leg lifts.  High School sports are over and done with; you have no need for strong legs anymore. 

2) Bring intensity to the weight room- When your lifting weights, you need to have a degree of intensity to improve your performance.  Furthermore, everyone in the gym should know that you're bringing the intensity.  It is essential that you scream a lot before and during each lift.  A training partner can be a great intensity builder.  Having your partner yell derogatory statements in your face or even hitting you before a lift will let others know that you mean business and that you are about to explode on some serious poundage.   

3) Mirror time is your time- Most gymnasiums are fit with full length mirrors that you can use to check your form and performance during a set.  It is also very important for your development to spend time during each workout looking at yourself while you are not lifting weights.  The manliest weight lifter checks himself out in the mirror like he would a beautiful woman.  Most would suggest that this is an egocentric thing to do, but being egocentric is an essential element to weight lifting.  Don't be afraid to flex your hard earned guns in front of any ladies that walk by either, they definitely won't think you are a jerk and will be totally turned on. 

4) Eat the right supplements- Supplementation is key to weight lifting progression.  It is necessary to buy all sorts of vitamins, pills, powders, and shakes if you really want to become a better lifter.  Don't worry about whether or not the products you purchase have any negative side effects or have yet to be tested by the FDA. If they are sold in a GNC they are probably good for you so give them the benefit of the doubt.  It is also very important that you let others know exactly what supplements you are taking.  This will enhance other people perceptions of your weight lifting knowledge.  

5) Dress to impress- What you wear to the gym speaks a lot about your character as a lifter.  A good weight lifter always has a tank top and gym shorts on during a workout.   This is not only functional clothing, but a tank will allow yourself and others to look at your muscles between sets.  Weight lifting gloves can also help you in the gym.  They let onlookers know that you are putting up some heavy weight, and if they have a problem with that, you will punch them right in the face. 

6) Jack up the weight- You should always use the most weight possible even if it means sacrificing proper form and technique completely.  90% of weight lifting is showing how much more weight you can lift than the next guy.  Don't worry at all about potentially injuring yourself, just do whatever you can to get it up. 

Congratulations, you're going to Rome! On the plane ride over here you watched the movie Gladiator three times. Now that you are completely obsessed with the Colosseum, that becomes the only thing on your mind as you step off the plane and begin to tour the city. Unfortunately, the tour you take brings you to some other boring stuff, but the most awesomest place in the ancient world, the Colosseum, never waivers from your mind. So as you tour the other parts of the Eternal City not named the Colosseum, here's a helpful guide that will give you a little taste of what to expect.

ROME

Motto: Senatus Populusque Romanus
Translation: All pasta dishes come with a choice of soup or salad

Established: Construction Began: April 21, 753 B.C.
Construction Completed: April 21, 753 B.C.

Please, DO NOT feed the altar boys. Thank you.

Forum of Augustus

Dumpy looking ancient building:

Temple of Antoninus and Faustina

Crappy looking ancient building:

No Diving

On his trip to Rome, Sylvester Stallone incorporated the Spanish Steps into his morning jog.

The Pantheon

This...is... (not) Sparta!

I would like lemonade, please.
Amerei la limonata, per favore

Do you have any Chef Boyardee?
Lei ha qualunque Boyardee di Chef?

Don't shoot! I have no money!
Non sparare! Non ho denaro!

For the love of God, just tell me how to get to the Colosseum!
Per l'amore di Dio, dirme appena come prendere al Colosseo!

You have some updog on your shirt.
Lei ha della sucane sulla sua camicia.

44 B.C. Roman Senators find Julius Caesar remarkably stabable, his last words were: "Brutus, wtf"

Shit. wrong Dave Matthews

Gary Busey

Battle of the Bands

Oh shit! Rock Off Challenge! To settle the issue once and for all, unscientific facts and statistics have been metaphorically pulled out of my ass and compared, so we may finally find out who is better: Dave Matthews Band, or The Beatles.

Standard of Error: many %

Albums sold:
DMB: Infinity
The Beatles: Infinity x Infinity

Teenage girls boned:
DMB: Ok how high can you count? Wow that's a lot.
The Beatles: Ok, double it.

Blunts smoked:
DMB: 4,321
The Beatles: 1,234 whoooa... far out

Illegitimate kids fathered as a result of boning teenage girls:
DMB: 3
The Beatles: 7 (all Ringo)

Spelling of "Color":
DMB: color
The Beatles: colour

And the winner is...
Final Call: Still too close too call. The Beatles maybe? I don't know... they did write a song about a Walrus. Goo goo g'joob.