CollegeHumor: Illinois State Articles

Timmy makes a poop

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 03:11:36 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> I work at a summer camp and of course since hundreds of ridiculous children come to it every summer there is always bound to be some crazy shit going down. It may be a little unknown fact but children are quite possible the most hilarious people that inhabit this planet without them even knowing this fact.

"o one day after the camps general swim we were walking back to the cabins and 20 feet away from them the smell blew into your®ostrils. This was not just any terrible smell, this was some hard core shit. A mix between rancid ham and what your grandmothers vagina would smell like after a week without a sponge bath. This was bad news, and once we entered the cabin my co-counselor©mmediately¨eaded for the forest and puked his¤eliciouseatloaf he had for lunch. This was quite the experience-the mix between vomit and feces, what a blast! Little did i know this party had only just begun. Once the children saw my co-counselor throw up and with the sweet smelling smell of rancid, it created a chain reaction of my campers puking up their meatloaf. It was seriously like dominos but with projectile vomit involved. It was a massacre. Oh but this was not the best part, WE COULD NOT FIND THE SHIT! The little snot crapped in the cabin and hid it somewhere, now this may seem impossible, trust me I know, but somehow he managed to do it. So imagine this: Step 1. This kid SHITS in the cabin. Step 2. He picks up the shit with his bare hands to get rid of the evidence. Step 3. He hides it in the cabin thinking thats better than throwing it in the forest. Hmmm...This kids going to be the next...instein or at least fucking Tom Clancy with his amazingly new acquired hiding skills. So the vomit smell faded but the shit remain, we dealt with the shit smell for a fucking WEEK AND A HALF! It drove me to the thought of punching a baby in the face. Then rolls around the last day of camp, this kid named "Tommy" came up to me with this potato looking thing wrapped in duck tape, it was his nasty rancid shit. He tapped duck tape around it and tapped it to the wall of his suit case in a secret compartment. He thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world, I'm just not surprised he was not laughing when the Camp Director banned him from our camp for the rest of his life. In the end, I suppose, the mighty wrath of Karma kicks the little bastards right in the pooper.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1864383"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.702719f5c729aaefd533aaeb6744cce3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1864383">Barker</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:114"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1767726">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

I have a rather serious question.

Fri, 02 May 2008 02:17:28 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Why am I such a bad ass. I ask countless people all the time my bra's ask the same question and still no answer i was hoping you can spread some light on the whole situation.

The YAR house ISU

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:688797"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/7/collegehumor.113f153a38b1ade006fa4a07d2b044e8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:688797">Brogan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:114"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754377">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

a few things I've noticed as time goes on

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 00:07:11 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> so this is a few things i took note of while working as fronter at potbelly's:

as the weather gets warmer, people start to wear flip-flops for shoes, mostly girls. but i have a few issues with them.

if you're gonna wear flip-flops, make sure you have attractive feet. its not too much to ask. really. i don't want to glance down at a derange pig hoof thing thats attached to the end of your ankle. for goodness sakes, have nice looking feet.

it really takes away from the rest of you. if you're a hot chick with ugly ass feet, you automatically drop 4 points in my book. thats just raunchy.

The other day, i was sweeping the floor at my job, potbelly's, doing what i was supposed to be doing, and some woman with her family told me, "can you please not sweep while we're eating? thanks."

what the fuck? what makes you the center of the world where i can't do my job in front of you? are you so neat freaky that if you see crumbs on the floor, you'll lose your appetite? oh and by the way, that was one of the filthiest tables i had to clean up after that day. bitches.

once you reach a certain age, everyone becomes jail bait, regardless of age.

Womens vs. Mens bathroom: womens equals grossest ever. mens, not so much. what is up with all the toilet paper on the floor? and pretzels? seriously, PRETZELS??? NASTY.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:53373"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/0/collegehumor.22c4152e8bc4f0fe568e7e20b318c2e1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:53373">JR</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:114"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1727727">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Shampoo scents that didn't make it

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 14:36:29 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Shampoo companies probably go through a lot of trouble to come up with the different fragrances that we buy at the local store and love to have in our hair. Here are a few that were on the "not so much" table.

Mouth Wash - Who wouldn't want to have their hair smell like partially covered up, rinsed-with-this-because-I-forgot-to-brush-this-morning- breath?

Blood - After a long night out, you wake up and decide to egt up the old fashioned way by taking a long shower. You step in, open the cap of the shampoo bottle, and are immediately reminded of the thrill of battle, arrows flying through your hair, the smooth entry of a sword into your enemy, and the sweet smell of warm blood on cold steel. You then start thinking, "What DID I do last night?"

Sulfur - You open the bottle and are instantly reminded of your roommates terrible breakfast cooking of eggs and bacon. Only 50 times more potent.

Old socks/Grandma - It's a sweet gesture to buy a shampoo that smells like your dear old Grandmother/Bubby, but aren't the two smells one and the same?

A Wet Dog - Need I say more?

A Wet Supermodel - See previous commentary.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:53373"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/0/collegehumor.22c4152e8bc4f0fe568e7e20b318c2e1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:53373">JR</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:114"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1710333">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />